death by sex.

❛ i'm a demon in the shadows and you stepped into the dark. ❜ ryan. 27. indie writing. mature themes. minors dni.

[demcneyezed]

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    EDDIE SANCHEZ.

Starter for @florenciacastillo​

Where: Lor’s Apartment

When: Night of December 28th

Months ago, when Eddie talked to Lor about not his decision to not sign a new contract, he made his ex a promise. He promised her that they would all spend more time together as family. So far, it seemed he was doing a good job at holding true to his end – even if their family was a little different than others. As he carried a drowsy Mia up the stairs to Lor’s apartment, they felt pretty normal to Eddie. Gently he helped Lor get their daughter in bed and made his way out to the kitchen area to have a cup of coffee. It was all a bit of a routine now and as Eddie settled on one of the stools his ex took care refurbishing, he squinted at the envelopes stuck to her fridge with magnets. The bills were tucked away, he couldn’t see how much they were, but if they were anything like his they were probably an ache to her wallet, too. Eddie frowned despite himself. “Did the cold snap put a dent in your account, or was it just mine?” he asked, then glanced over his shoulder to the direction of Mia’s bedroom. 

Whenever finances got tight Eddie’s mind always went to Mia and then to himself; one night he was just like Mia, sleeping peacefully and unaware of the conversations his parents had until it was too difficult for them to hide anymore. “I’m not trying to bring the mood down, but you know stuff like this always makes me antsy until we talk about it. Work’s slowed a little for me, so what about you? Everything going alright?”

+

As always Lor did her best to not let the images in front of her confuse in her head and heart. They were a family, just not as husband and wife with child, nor were they boyfriend and girlfriend with child. She and Eddie were coparents that lived separately and did their best to raise their ten year old together. Watching him carry the tuckered out offspring and gently place her into her bed was bittersweet, and instead of lingering on that she tucker Mia in and kissed her head then headed for the kitchen. A bit mindlessly she got the coffee going then leaned against the counter as Eddie sat. “I think it got everyone. That’s just another thing hurting my account, though, you know?”

Even though they weren’t likely to disturb and wake their daughter, Lor still moved quietly and prepared two cups of coffee. She handed his over then sipped her own a little as she listened and leaned back against the counter. “Well, I mean, work has slowed for me too. Not as many orders or purchases when others are struggling to pay bills.” Florencia sipped more coffee and sighed into her mug. “Like, I was fine this month but next month is going to be tough...”

[demcneyezed]

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    RHETT CASTILLO.

—

Rhett paused as she tried to defend herself. “What’s that? Hear it?” He gestured to the sound of nothing. “The world’s smallest violin,” he cracked a grin, his old man jokes often made him a tinge too happy with himself. It was something he rarely was, smiling and happy. One often said that the scowl was chiseled into his face, but the opposite was really true. He’d been plenty happy and joking before with his friends but they were either dead, deployed, or living out their retirements like he was. “You gonna let the guy who barely got a high school diploma affect your sense of self like that?” He glanced at her, and rolled his eyes. His opinion of her shouldn’t matter, because he was just her brother. She had a daughter, and she owed it to her to tell Rhett to fuck off.

“Yeah, agree, that’s why I have to run all over town verifying it. Already busy enough and I got a bonehead making my life harder,” he said with a sigh. It was a lot, and Rhett could feel the disappointment building in himself over it. He hated being disappointed with people, because the bar was already so low. He started to snicker, and nodded, “I bet she does. I think she’s the favorite all around. Also, before you ask, I am going to hunting for Christmas. So I won’t be at Mom’s backyard stereotype,” he said with a shake of his head. Rhett was hunting every Christmas morning just to avoid that holiday and all the calls. Turned off his phone and left it in the truck while he posted up in the blind for six hours straight.

+

“All I have is a high school diploma,” she reminded her brother, “so what’s that got to do with anything?” Since she could remember he’d always teased and given her a hard time for not being Einstein, in fact plenty of other people did too and she was starting to see that Rhett maybe led by example. “Affect my sense of self? So now wanting support from my big brother is frowned upon?” With a deep breath in and then out, Ren rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly. “Whatever.”

Nodding along a little as they drove along, she wasn’t exactly connected to conversation anymore. Her eyes were looking out the window and her thoughts were drifting to the big dreams she had and the things she still very much wanted to accomplish in her life. For some reason she had never imagined she’d be doing it all alone, but if that’s what it took for Mia to have a good life then she would do it as she had been doing it. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” she replied back about Christmas, glancing over at Rhett. “It’s mom you’ll have to answer to but I don’t think anyone would be expecting you.” Since he always seemed to find a way out and was fairly disconnected from the family. Florencia wasn’t going to try and convince him. 

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    EDDIE SANCHEZ.

“You said it – not me,” Eddie said, hands raised in mock surrender. Her cereal joke might have cut deep a few years ago, but they were doing better than ever. He also knew if Ren felt bad and was second-guessing the joke, he’d only make it worse if he acted like it hurt his feelings. Instead, he quietly accepted the plate she passed over to him and began to dig in. 

Eddie glanced over at Mia as she took her first bite and stifled his laugh. Mia made a big show about sighing in satisfaction, eyes closing briefly before chomping down on the rest of the taco. Moments like these, with all three of them together, were ones that he cherished. He hoped they would have more of them now that he was home for good, before he could say anything else about the food, Ren mentioned her older brother. 

It didn’t go unnoticed, how her tone dipped towards the end of what she said. Even years ago, he remembered how much Ren hated being underestimated and dismissed. Her household was different than his own, but he remembered brief glimpses of Gloria and the things the neighbors said about the Castillo girls. It was always things like: ‘pretty hurts,’ and ‘it’s a good thing they’re pretty.’ The difference was, Rhett was her brother, and Eddie knew better than to assume their dynamic and to immediately go on defense. Gently he tapped her foot with his own under the table. “I’m sure your brother didn’t mean it like that, but you’re not stupid,” he said. “We can go after I clean up – you cooked, so I can clean.”

He didn’t leave any room for Ren to argue by filling his mouth with more food. Once he finished his food, Eddie got up, sweeping Mia’s empty plate off the table, too. He pointedly glanced over his shoulder at Ren as he turned on the tap and began washing the dishes. 

“You know, if we ever wind up having to live together because the cost of living gets impossible, you’d never wake up one morning, hungry, ready to pour yourself a nice bowl of Fruity Pebbles for breakfast, only to realize the box is empty because I finished them all and didn’t recycle the box. So, maybe us not sharing favorites is a good thing,” Eddie said with a grin. He dunked his hands in the suds and nodded to the leftovers on the table. “We can drop those off at your brother’s if you want – maybe you’ll get a glimpse of the supposed girlfriend, too. Win-win, right?”

+

With all of them at the dinner table and eating together Florencia tried not to let the moment get to her. In fact, she practically had to ignore it and not let such a family moment and something she’d been dreaming about forever get to her. This was simple, it was her and Mia popping in for dinner because they all needed to eat and with Eddie working all day she knew it’d be easier if she just made a little extra for him as well. “You’re so silly,” she chuckled at Mia and shook her head slightly at her daughter’s antics, “it’s not that good. Tacos are too easy. And they’re not even comparable to your abuelita’s, baby.” A wink was tossed at her daughter and she worked on a few bites of her own taco.

Usually Ren didn’t let the comments get to her. There were plenty of people that either didn’t want to see her shine or didn’t think she had what it took to make it, and the thing was that Ren did have a successful business. Nobody could take that away from her. She wasn’t made of rubber, though, and the comments, at least some of them, could get to her. Make her self doubt and overthink. Why should others opinions matter at all? Well, Ren understood that people were social creatures and pack animals in a way. Plus, success should be shared and supported. But maybe it was all just a bit of a sore subject that was like pressing on a dull bruise for her.

At his defense of her brother, any remainder of Ren’s smile faded out and she just nodded in acceptance. It was wrong maybe to expect support from Eddie, they were long over and maybe this was a sign that things would never really swing back around in that direction. Which, Ren knew she needed to face and get on with her life. “Hey, no arguments from me if you want to clean up.” She was actually the type that kind of cleaned up as she went. The habits of a single mother who raised her child on her own for the most part. It was the only way to keep things clean sometimes. Free time was fleeting when it came to a baby.

“I wouldn’t have to deal with that because we know you would’ve gotten me another box and made sure it was there for me in the morning if you had finished it out...” When it came to the possibility of living together, while she thought it would make Mia happiest, it was hard to picture. Not because she had wanted it so many times in the past. It was just hard to get hopes up anymore and things never really ever seemed to work out in that direction for them. “Nah, I’ll just pack it up and leave it in the fridge. He doesn’t need me coming by with leftovers or want me in his business.” Ren didn’t want to anymore.

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    OLIVIA LI.

—

Ren’s little chuckle made Liv grin. She loved it when people found her amusing, especially when it came to jokes at her mother’s expense. Her mother who was still moseying from stall to stall like any other sweet, unassuming, elderly woman. If they only knew. Liv caught the tail-end of what looked like panic flash across Ren’s face. Before Liv had a chance to explain, Ren relaxed, and now it was her turn to pause. Technically, Rhett said he would introduce her as his ‘girlfriend,’ and while that was the appropriate title it sounded … well, juvenile. “We’re seeing each other, so I’m his girlfriend,” Liv explained with a wry smile, ’Technically I wanted Rhett and I to do something nice when I met you, but I keep unintentionally foiling all of Rhett’s plans. Three for three now, so why wait to go antiquing later when can start now? I’m sure there’s a tent here with pieces for us to see.”

+

“If it’s left up to my brother I’d likely never meet you so I’m glad the universe or whatever intervened here,” Ren smiled. Of course Rhett probably wanted to have some talk with her about things or layout some ground rules or whatever, but that was all too organized and mapped out for her. A meeting like this was much nicer and easier for she and Olivia to connect without it being some formal introduction. “What plans does Rhett have?” It would be nice to be filled in, especially if they were plans he’d been making with a lady that was now his girlfriend. That sounded like... well, maybe she was letting her mind run a little too much with that. “He’s pretty serious about you,” Florencia said observationally as she scrutinized the woman for a moment. At Olivia’s suggestion, Ren offered her arm and began turning her lead like it was on a swivel looking for her mini-me. “Sure, I’d love that, actually. We just need to head over there,” Ren pointed off at a stall up ahead, “and collect my daughter before she wanders too far.”

[dejjavus]

Renata Notni as JuanaValentina in The Five Juanas.

[feral-ballad]

ed. by Jane Portal, from Chinese Love Poetry; “from The Book of Songs”

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    EDDIE SANCHEZ.

—

“I’ll never tell. I’m actually going to act like I didn’t hear you say that and instead argue that Cocoa Pebbles are superior to Fruity Pebbles all day every day,” Eddie said with a wink. When they dated, Ren never scared him; she electrified him. When they met, Eddie felt a bit like a mini adult. Looking back on those days, Eddie realized that he was far from being an adult, but he did worry a lot as a teen. Usually about money and the bills that were not his own. Dating Ren was different. He rarely worried. It always felt like being with her was a lot like a flood of adrenaline followed by immediate relief. It was like the drop on a ride at the fair. It was fun and exhilarating, but there was no pain. No worry at the chance of being harmed. She was always that perfect balance of making him feel wild and free, but not off the rails. Now, he was only scared of Ren when she got on Mia. It was always deserved and rare, Mia was a pretty good kid, but when Ren went into strict parent mode it was like experiencing flashbacks of sorts. He wouldn’t want to be in Mia’s shoes getting scolded that was for sure. 

As Mia moved to wash her hands, Eddie took the airpods off the counter and placed them among the keys. He returned just as Ren asked for his thoughts. Eddie shrugged. “I don’t know because rich people love acting like they’re charitable and want to save the children. Especially, if it means they get to claim it as a tax write-off. Can’t get tax write-offs of us and our bills, though. So, they’ll just bleed us dry one utility bill at a time. We can split them. Your house has the running water, mine has the electric, or vice versa. Together we make one functional house.”

Eddie was aware that sounded a little bitter, but he also wasn’t taking it back. Instead, he rubbed a hand over Mia’s hair as she took her seat in between the two of them. Hopefully, she wasn’t paying much mind to the two of them talking about bills. They were doing fine even if they were complaining. 

He just reached for his plate when he caught Ren in the middle of making one for him. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said, fingertips brushing at her hand, “but thank you. What are your plans for the dinner table? Do you need me to go with you to bring it to the shop, or did you already get it there?”

+

“This is why we didn’t work out,” Ren joked, wanting to make light of something so heavy and still hurt like a scab she could never leave alone to heal, “you put Cocoa Pebbles above Fruity.” Her head shook, faux disappointment written all over her expression, and much to her dismay she pulled a mom move by crossing her arms over her chest as she shook her head at Eddie. “You can get cocoa cereal in just about anything. It’s the fruity that’s rare. And you know I like my rare and one of a kind pieces.” Hands dropping to her sides, her dark eyes dropped focus from him to something distant between them, not meaning to hurt herself with her statement. It’s just that her words had applied to him. Plenty of boys circled around her before she was really even of an appropriate age but it had only been Eddie that had caught her attention. 

Moving on from that before she got emotional and lost in her headspace, likely to do something foolish and complicate their coparenting status, Ren set to dishing everyone up for supper and making sure they had drinks. “Should I call Rhett?” Her eyes found her ex then, realizing that she’d made a ton of food. Mostly it was to be sure that she left Eddie with leftovers so that he had good things to eat when she wasn’t around and cooking for him. God forbid anyone else ever cooked for him. “He’s got a girlfriend,” she muttered as she busied herself waiting on their daughter’s return. 

Eddie made good points about the upcoming spikes to the cost of living but the more he went on the more Ren had begun to feel stress and worry. She was doing in in managing her house and shop, had even begun to be hopeful in a second maybe bigger location but it seemed that was slipping away from her. Mia was getting older too and that meant expenses going up there as well. Not that her daughter was an expense but it was something to factor, all her needs, into the cost of living. “Maybe rich people can be charitable in not making our lives a living hell.” Then as Mia came back into the room all cleaned up and taking her seat, she gave Eddie a deadpan look. “One functional house would be... one functional house.”

“Uhh,” she stammered, it was likely just habit because she always took care of their daughter’s plate, and it was second nature to take care of everyone else, but she kind of wanted to do it, “I was already at it, you know?” That was a good excuse, it was easier. “If you have some time to help me get the table,” she said finally taking a seat, “I’d appreciate it. I’m just going to clean it up first and then see what it needs. It’s such a beautiful piece I’d like to just maybe restore it.” After taking a bite of her food and swallowing it down, Ren sighed. “Rhett called me stupid the other day,” he had been teasing yet it chipped away at her, “so I’d prefer to not have to ask him for things. Maybe if he sees I can do things on my own...”

[demcneyezed]

Can't stick to that Can't fade us to black

So I'm coming back, coming back, tail between my legs Forget what I said, what I said, what I said, what I said There's a mile between my heart and my head So I take it all, take it all, take it all back 

You shut down Showed how you bring me down Don't you have a clue 'bout where my mind is right now? You say you love me, is it real? But do you fantasize about the things you really wanna feel? I know you fantasize about the life you really want to build Know your eyes are watching God, baby, my eyes are hidden in the hills Your first mistake was wanting me when you know I wasn't ready You put that shit down heavy, couldn't let you regret me Remember lies around the time we spent when you first met me I put my shit down heavy, couldn't let you forget me Will never let you forget me

I wish I could take it

Yes, I love you and it's real I went in too soon for the kill But I really want to feel And I think I want to build with you  I couldn't let you reject me  I couldn't let you forget me  I wanted you to respect me I wanted you to let me in 

So I'm coming back, coming back, tail between my legs

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    OLIVIA LI.

—

“No, it’s okay. I’m kind of just here wasting time, spending money, babysitting my mom,” Liv said with a shrug of her own. Now, that she felt like this girl was familiar, the grocery shopping was forgotten. Just as soon as Liv’s brows knit together Florencia said her name and nicknames. It was the second nickname, Lor, that made her smile. They technically didn’t know each other, and she had just told Rhett the other day that she would need some time before officially meeting his sister. Yet, there she stood right across from his sister and probably foiling another one of his plans just by being there. She’d laugh through an apology to him later. “That’s what it is. Your Rhett’s sister. I was hoping to meet you under different circumstances, but he was telling me about you the other day, said you wanted to know if I like antiquing: I do.”

+

Even though she probably shouldn’t have, Ren chuckled at the comment about babysitting her mom. She wondered if it was anything like keeping up with a ten year old. Before she could inquire about it, her heart raced slightly at the other’s reaction to learning her name. She briefly took a trip down memory lane to think of any possible reason for an adverse reaction, but then she mentioned her brother and eased off the racing thoughts. “Ah, yeah, Rhett’s sister. And who are you to him?” Something about hoping to meet her under different circumstances and the fact that they had been talking about her brought her to the conclusion that this was likely the woman Rhett was seeing. Still, she didn’t want to make that guess and be wrong and then this be super awkward. “Well, if we waited on Rhett then it’d likely be never,” she chuckled, trying to make light of a big moment. “Is that so? We should go sometime then,” Florencia suggested, thinking it’d be a good way to get to know her.

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    RHETT CASTILLO.

—

“Isn’t fatal, do it again.” He said with a nod. “But you won’t need to, you’re not stupid.” He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, because he did find her kinda stupid at time, but more of the common sense variety over the book smart variety. Wasn’t her fault that they didn’t teach anything important in school these days, shit that actually helped you in life. Finally, he couldn’t help it, “At least not in that sorta way, but maybe a little attention to the fuel gauge would do you some good.” He wheezed a laugh. “You won’t fail. Having to pay again for something is hard lesson, you’ll give it your all and do just fine.” He said with a nod, and opened the driver’s side door and motioned for her to get in and scooch over. 

“You’ll get serious about certain stuff too,” Rhett said with a wink and then moved climb up and cranked over the truck. He considered it for a second and then said, “The stakes a little less high, isn’t The Unit, you know, so everyone deserves a second chance. Plus the homeowners aren’t the most dependable source of truth,” Rhett said with a nod. He liked to collect his own facts on things like this. It meant that he was backtracking jobs and getting there sooner and surprising people. Extra work for him, but no better way to sort out things. “Mia doesn’t count, and don’t talk about my niece like that, she’s my favorite one.” Probably because Rhett really only talked to Lor.

+

In knowing that was coming, Florencia rolled her eyes. She knew her older brother didn’t think she was the sharpest knife in the drawer and sometimes it bothered her a lot and other times she shrugged it off. What human didn’t make careless mistakes? Sometimes she was so busy and so frazzled that she missed things, like the fuel gage. “Listen,” she tossed a finger in his direction, “you try growing up as the baby where no one lets you do anything for yourself.” With her own little grin, Florencia added, “it’s not my fault.” That had been her excuse to everything, especially when explaining away how a specific mistake had happened. It was always ‘it wasn’t my fault’ followed by her ramblings of how she’d gotten from point A to -3. “How am I supposed to take that seriously? You just called me stupid,” Lor pouted as she slid over to the passenger side of the truck.

“Is anyone a dependable source of truth?” Her trust in just about anyone was on shaky ground. Raising a child alone would do that to a person, as you learned very quickly who was there for you and on your side. It didn’t help that her would-be ‘in-laws’ pretty much considered her a demon and scum of the earth. All because she had a child? She’d been a baby herself and hadn’t deserved that, and because of it, it had left it’s scars on her. “Anyway, I’m serious about what I need to be serious about. I want to enjoy life too, though.” And if you asked Lor her brother was too serious too much of the time. “I wasn’t talking about my child and you know it.” Playfully, she pushed on his shoulder. “Mia loves being the favorite though.”

[dejjavus]

[demcneyezed]

*     ──    EDDIE SANCHEZ.

—

At Ren’s playful tone, Eddie wheeled around, mouth open in mock shock. Moment’s like these were like gold. They had their rough patches over the years, especially when he took that second contract, but he was proud of them for getting to this place. It was not going to be what it was, it couldn’t be after all this time and because it wasn’t about just the two of them anymore, but it felt good to him. So good, that a part of Eddie kicked himself every morning for letting doubt and fear keep him from taking the out five years earlier. He hoped that Ren felt similarly, but it felt selfish to ask so he didn’t. He just them be whatever “Are you threatening me? And yes: Apple Jacks. And name brand, too. I’m boujee now,” he laughed. 

Eddie drifted over to table, setting a tower of paper towels as the centerpiece. Ren already took care of placing the plates and silverware, so it felt like the least he could do. They moved around each other as he grabbed cups for them and nodded along to Ren’s thoughts on the recent news. He looked over to Mia just as Ren did. “I don’t know. I think if any positives happen it will be to the schools, so maybe that’s or consolation. I might be training my boss’s dog, and I have a few more so I’m beginning to build a cushion – I know you don’t need my help or anything like that, but you know me the gears always turn,” Eddie looked at Ren now. “And don’t think I didn’t notice. You didn’t say how your day was. You find anything good at that estate sale in Iron Hill?”

+

“Do you feel threatened by me?” Ren challenged, facing him and his faux shock with a smirk and the arch of a singular eyebrow. There was a tendency to lean on these playful moments with Eddie. Not only did they feel like old times but it set up something of a false hope, that after all these years there was still some sort of spark between them. She’d never really heard of someone still in-love with their teenage sweetheart, especially not when they were ripped away from each other so early on. For Ren, the denial of a chance to figure it all out together just buried and practically sealed away their young love in a metaphorical time capsule that seemingly remained untouched throughout the passage of time. She laughed at his wealth comment and shook her head, “I don’t know why you waste your time with that. We all know Fruity Pebbles is the best ever.”

With the shells done, Ren let them rest for a moment and put the toppings and sides on the table. She and Eddie moved around each other in a practiced fashion. By the time he was responding to her, Ren was stuffing Mia’s tacos with the chicken and the few toppings just the way she liked it. “Mija,” she turned her head to their daughter once more, “put the book down and go wash your hands. It’s time to eat.” Waiting moment, until Mia got up and headed to the sink, Ren turned her attention to Eddie again. “Why do you think it’ll help the schools?” Genuinely curious, she wanted to know his thought process before she shared her own. “That’s Colt, right?” Ren asked as she poured a drink for Mia. “I found out that my brother is building their house. When the gas prices and utilities go up then everything else will. And my power bill is already high enough.” Letting out a small groan, she sat at the table and out of habit began making a plate for Eddie. It was in her DNA to take care and serve. And these moments of them all together at the table were misleading. “My day was okay, I found a couple of pieces and I have this really cool idea for a dinner table I found.”

[demcneyezed]

ren 📱 alara

ALARA: I'm sure you're doing great 🤗

ALARA: I thought I recognized the name. He's building a house for my partner and I.

ALARA: If you need me to get a message to him, I don't mind. I'm heading there now. He's not always on site, but one of the guys will be able to contact him.

REN: just don't tell my brother about this because he'll say otherwise

REN: ohhh he talks about those projects every time i see him!

REN: oh no no no please no. i actually got a hold of one of his guys so he's coming to get me. which rhett doesn't need to know about either 🤫

[dejjavus]

[indicio]

But smiles and tears are so alike with me, they are neither of them confined to any particular feelings: I often cry when I am happy, and smile when I am sad.

Anne Brontë, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall