Do Not Touch. I have spines. it will hurt.

round 2 of my blog after tumblr decided to be stupid.

[hedyke-remaking]

[cakedupwhiteboy]

this scared my cat so bad he bigged his tail about it

[dreamyfilms]

i’ve been thinking about it but no caption could possibly make this any funnier

[zangoonse]

a party of adventurers that are all equally convinced that they are in completely different forms of media

[zangoonse]

the mage keeps giving smug glances in the direction they assume a camera is in. the fighter keeps getting indignant about missing attacks because of "bad dice rolls." the rogue is doubtful that a villain is gone for good because "nobody ever stays dead in comics." the paladin attributes fortune to "good rng." none of them have even considered that "tumblr post" was an option

[teaboot]

Hello Mr. Boot, if a mother had a child with someone who was not her husband, and then when the child was grown the mother divorced her husband to marry the sire of the child, would that man be considered the father of the stepfather?

I'd say the father of the stepfather is probably a different guy altogether honestly

[teaboot]

He would be her husband

[nicothespy]

oh tumblr staff definitely noticed the transphobe allegations and put the entire lgbtq+ in it LMAO

[leaveme2thewolves]

i block ppl all the time so my blocklist ranges from "actual fucking asshole fascist" n "post that mildly annoyed me because im petty" and if i went thru my blocklist rn i probably would have no idea why i blocked each of them but whatever

[byjove]

when you think about it, unleashing a plague of frogs is fucking hilarious

[byjove]

God said “let’s do a silly one”

[byjove]

I mean, frogs everywhere is a major inconvenience but nowhere near the devastation of the death of your livestock and firstborn or a plague of boils

[what-even-is-thiss]

You point out that something going on in China is very capitalist and there’s always somebody who goes “but aren’t they communist tho”

My friends, pure communism in practice was dead the moment it started and Chinese internet influencers have so many fucking sponsorships per video. Have you had your head under a rock for the past 30 years?

[pangur-and-grim]

this is huge… a three chair event

[runningonspitensunshine]

i need everyone to get 300% more insane about mercymorn right the fuck now. this is a lady who spent ten thousand years learning everything there is to the human body to the point where she could just modify a person blind. just reach in and and tie harrow’s lil noodle spine into a knot, bypassing her lyctoral shielding. seduced her best friend, worst enemy, and sworn god to steal his sperm (it’s also apparently implied she just. summoned it out of his balls instead of collecting it the normal way) to help a terrorist make a baby from it.

she slaps augustine across the mouth and he spits out his teeth, despite the fact that he is a ten thousand year old lyctor who should have had ironclad shielding. out of all the necros that swore themselves to god, she was one of the remaining ones, one of the last lyctors to survive the resurrection beasts.

she vaporized god. she vaporized god. she unwound the most powerful necromancer she knew on the fly and reduced him to his base components because she just. had the knowledge in her brain. mercymorn turned a man running on the souls of ten billion into fine red mist on a fucking impulse.

she spends all of htn trying to kill harrow out of some bizarre attempt to live up to her name. she’s kind about it, even. she draws weird little squiggles that look like everything but monsters. she fantasizes about putting her idiot boss in acid jail. she worries about her dress making her look like a melon even though she literally seduces god and also a guy who hates her.

and nobody really likes her. g1deon is g1deon, by which i mean he is being tortured and weird about everything on account of being two people and thus has little to no opinion on what she does. augustine fucking hates her unless they’re working together to honey trap god (no i will not stop mentioning this) and it wasn’t even her fault that alfred died, not really. ianthe follows augustine around like an evil little duckling - does she even have strong opinions on mercy except that it’s gross she’s having a three way with jod and augustine? she was supposed to mentor harrow, but she got the defective one - the one that didn’t even make to lyctorhood properly (does she wish she could’ve done what harrow did? sealed cristabel away forever, even if she had to butcher herself to do it?). and jod. jod loves her, of course, but he’s just so. so. he doesn’t fucking listen is the thing. he deflects and he jokes and he doesn’t say “mercy, i didn’t meant to, mercy, i’ll fix it, mercy, please, forgive me.” he says everything but that.

god fuck what is wrong with me. what is wrong with you guys. be more insane about mercy she deserves it.

[nycswebhead]

theres a new villain roaming around new york that has all the powers of a tapir. give me an hour or two im gonna go google what the fuck tapirs do ill let you know if we need to be scared

[nycswebhead]

OK it seems if you are fruits or berries this is really really bad news for you otherwise youre fine

[clubnich]

a heavy burden

[romanceyourdemons]

one of my favorite tropes in chinese literature is when a guy’s wife is clearly a ghost/demon/fox fairy and he just can’t see it. i’m reading a story where this guy keeps getting arrested because his wife will just magically steal steal shit out of sealed boxes and give it to him as a present, and whenever someone is like dude i think something’s up with his wife he asks her and she’s like i’m literally normal. so he turns around and says yeah guys she’s literally normal

[orpheusilver]

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

[orpheusilver]

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

[orpheusilver]

turning off rbs at 75k btw so get your last reblogs in now

[abalisk]

😞

A travesty

[afterthemovie]

hello everyone. my name is harrowhark nonagesimus welcome to my meal. i have never cooked before but god asked me to try because he wants us all to eat & exist in union <3 of course i will oblige him because i harrowhark nonagesimus am the most devout worshipper of the locked tomb and the king undying. first up on the menu is soup. i hate flavours so i didn’t put any salt or anything. but don’t worry i put something better :) haha you guessed it! i sectioned my tibia and put it in the soup :) yeah :) so i can explode people :)

[ruthyless-deactivated20140511]

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

[tardis-mind-palace]

Your brother is the best

[elrondbaggins]

Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito

[aliceinpunderland-blog]

the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Danny Devito

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[harrowedsoup]

Ianthe making Harrow’s hair grow faster is such a little bitch move. One of the most benign things she’s done but if Harrow knew about it she’d probably be the most mad over it compared to literally anything else.