𝖇𝖗𝖚𝖍

[ferretteeth]

i wanted to share maybe the funniest thing ive ever read with you guys

[dinuguan]

[deonisms]

eastisms‌:

“  thank  you,  buddy!  ”  a  sweet  smile  appeared  on  east’s  face  when  he  realized  who  was  talking  to  him.  already  definitely  high  out  of  his  mind,  he  held  his  tattooed  arms  out  for  a  hug.  amused  giggles  left  his  lips  in  response  to  deon’s  comparisons, “  furries  are  animals  though,  right?  or  is  it  just  a…  costume  with  fur  on  it?  ”  his  green  eyes  squinted.  “  wait  furries  are  just  people  who  love  cartoons?  ”  his  sober  self  probably  wouldn’t  have  understood,  but  he  was  so  far  gone  he  could  hardly  think  that  hard  about  anything.  east  wrapped  his  arms  around  deon,  being  the  cuddly  drunk  he  is,  “  i  love  youuu,  ”  his  attention  focused  back  to  his  words,  “  of  course,  i  do.  ”  voice,  slurred  and  third  bottle  of  smirnoff  ice,  empty.

“no problem, man!” deon easily replies at that, eyes crinkling with his grin for a moment before he’s brightening at east’s offer of a hug, taking it without a moments hesitation because if there’s one thing deon is always up for, it’s a hug. and a hug from east while he’s in a giant heart costume? even better, man! but deon’s brows furrow at east’s question, pulling back from the embrace enough to say, “nah, man, there are totally fuckin’ people in there. they just like to wear the costume so they can bang!” deon explains wisely, nodding almost sagely with the explanation. that wise nodding continues even with east’s next question. “yeah, bro, i mean... they like the cartoons cause they wanna fuck ‘em, but they still really like them so! totally counts.” deon shrugs with the statement, but his movement is quickly being constrained by east’s arms wrapping around him to which deon can only grin. “i love you too, bro!” deon gives east’s an enthusiastic squeeze in return before he’s quickly moving to focus once again, nodding quickly before he’s saying, “shit, okay, alright. you see that freshy over there? like by the drinks?” deon points to the area in question, where a blond girl is shyly sneaking glances towards the dance floor. “i know for a fuckin’ fact that she’s got a thing for that girl over there!” deon points to the dancefloor and specifies, “y’see the one doin’ the robot! that girl! i mean just look at the way the drink girl is lookin’ at the robot girl! and earlier when i gave robot girl a weed cookie, she split it with drink girl before she even had to ask!” deon raises his hands grandly as if that statement alone explains everything, grin wide and eyes wide as he says, “that’s love man! and we,” deon claps his hand on east’s shoulder, “are totally gonna set them up together, bro. it’s fuckin’ valentine’s day and we’re gonna be cupid!”

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

[entomdb]

she’s like a small cat , quietly sneaking behind her prey til she’s pouncing in attack , dainty fingers playfully touching their sides in a brush of a tickle . “ boo .. ! — oooh , wow , you look .. stunning ! ” doe like orbs ( an impossible shade of spring growth , soft and vivid all at once ) go wide with an innocent charm , sizing them up curiously til she’s nodding her head in a bout of not - so - silent appreciativeness. “ don’t think i can decide what i like the best from your assemble .. hmm .. oi ! w-what do you think of mine ? fancy it ? ”  the fabric of her champagne satin slip dress looks pretty beneath the glow of the evening festivities as she does a little twirl to showcase her outfit . letting out a tiny giggle upon facing them once more , cheeks lit up , the fanciful blonde offers a classic emily galway smile , cheesy yet always relaxed .. but not before dropping slightly at the remembrance of something important . “ say , did you come alone or am i keeping you from an unforgettable valentine’s day .. te ?” 

[deonisms]

deon startles at the prod to his sides, turning around in surprise for a moment before he’s beaming at the welcomed sight of emily, arms spreading wide as he basks in her praise. “aye, thanks, emmy! i got it for like ten bucks! or like, pounds, or whatever.” deon wasn’t particularly expecting any compliments on his look tonight, considering he got the blood red suit at the thrift store pretty last minute for tonight's festivities, but the compliment was appreciated nonetheless. and at emily’s little twirl deon can’t help but brighten, hands cupped around his mouth as he cheers her on enthusiastically. “oh shit! what a fuckin’ babe! you look fuckin’ great, em, all sparkly and shit?” deon drops his hands with a smile, “i totally fancy it,” deon tries his hand at her accent with the words, but misses the mark quite spectacularly, only continuing to beam at her crookedly until he’s blinking at her question. “oh, shit, no you’re good! i mean, my date tonight is frankie, but we’re just trying to get each other laid, so, i can totally hang out with you for a bit!” deon clarifies with a shrug before he’s brightening and adding, “oh shit, if you don’t have a date i can try to get you laid too! i’m really good at it, man, i could get you with someone cool by like the end of the night!” deon’s eyes crinkle with his smile as he gestures to her and sincerely says, “i mean, with how smokin’ you look tonight you might not even need my help with that dude, but i figured i’d offer!” 

[deonisms]

fvrtivcs‌:

his head nodded slowly , a smile growing at the corners of his lips as he watched deon explain just exactly what he’d been up to since he’d lost sight of him at the beginning of the night . “ well happy fucking valentines day to everyone that got one of those biscuits . probably about the only way someone can survive this shit . ” there was however , a split second in which he cast his eyes around the room in hopes no unwanted attention turned deon’s way . but it wasn’t long before eyes turned back to focus upon him . there was never any way in which to tell what was going to come out of deon’s mouth . but whatever did eventually find its way out in a flourish of energy NEVER failed to entertain . a heist , however , was far from what he was expecting . first off , what the hell was there to even steal & secondly , subtly didn’t exactly seem deon’s style . evident in the way he waved the baggy of heart shaped biscuits around declaring that there was in fact weed within them . but it wasn’t as if those little details curbed his interest .  “ an oceans 8 heist you say ? ” brows raised in question , hands slipping into his pockets , as he shifted a little closer to deon , “ what exactly would we be stealing if signed on as your partner in crime ? ”

deon’s grin only widens at tommy’s interest, the mischievous glint in his eyes intensifying as he leans into tommy and crosses his arms over his chest. “well, tommy my boy, i’m glad you asked.” deon’s holds up a hand to gesture with as he says, “alright, so it ain’t anything for money because i can’t go to jail tonight, i’ve got like, work tomorrow.... i think?” deon pauses a moment then, brows furrowed as he looks a bit bewilderedly at the air in front of him and he tries to recall whether he actually has work tomorrow or if that was supposed to be today... shit. either way he’s quickly brought back to the present as he says, “but it is gonna super fucking funny if we pull it off. for us, not really for them but, anyways,” deon obscures the view of his mouth with his hand as he leans into tommy and whispers, “y’see that dope giant heart thing in the entrance? like the center piece thing!” deon has had his eye on that eight foot wicker heart sculpture since the moment he stepped into the joint. one, because it was fuckin’ sweet and he kind of wanted to climb it. two, because “i wanna give it to titty for his birthday man! it’s a perfect like, playground for him!” deon’s eyes are sparkling with mirth as he waggles his brows for a moment before he’s adding, “what i wanna do, is somehow take it when like nobody is looking, strap it to the top of my car, and like bolt back to the avenue before anyone’s the wiser, dude! and then we get it into our flat, into my room, titty is fucking surprised as shit by his early birthday present, and everybody’s happy! except the school maybe but like, that heart should be covered in my tuition right?” deon grin is crooked as he looks to tommy, hand on his chin as he asks his friend, “so what do you think? are you in, will you help me?” deon pauses a moment before he quickly adds, “reminder that if you do, we can go halfsies on this gift. the heart will be for titty from you and me, which will save you whatever you were gonna pay to get him anyways!” 

[thomasofc]

━━  𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 @deonisms​ .

the fact tommy had hardly seen deon for the MAJORITY of the night had yet to be determined as a good or bad thing & when it came to him , one could never be quite sure . it wasn’t as if tommy was worried , okay maybe there was a little bit of worry , it was more along the lines of wonder . maybe there was something that could make this night a little more , lively . he was certain if one person could find a way to lighten the whole place up it was deon . though really , tommy didn’t have to search long before he found deon . just follow the rambling voice & look for the person who looked as if they needed a little bit of aid in slipping from the conversation . something tommy would never quite get , sure the guy talked for lengths on end but tommy had always found it not only amusing to listen to but he found it was also a comfort . a hand was placed heavily on deon’s shoulder as he approached from behind , “ oi , mate , where you been ?  i’ve been looking for you for what feels like fucking hours . i was kinda hoping i’d find you up to something . this place is fucking dull . ”  

[deonisms]

deon startles in surprise at the hand landing on his shoulder, turning away from the conversation he was having and genuinely expecting a cop or security guard although... technically deon hasn’t done anything wrong yet. but still, it’s a pleasant surprise when instead of an authority figure, it’s tommy. “aw, really bro? you were lookin’ for me? shit.” deon replies, smile warm and genuinely touched for a moment before he’s brightening a bit at as the rest of tommy’s sentence registers. “dude, i’m having a great time, man! this party is sick. i snuck in these dope cookies, with a bit of weed in ‘em look,” deon says as he produces a ziploc bag of cookies from his thrifted blazer, waving them around with a wolfish grin as he says, “i made them bro! they’re shaped like hearts! and they’re not even that bad, like they taste decent, you can barely taste the weed.” deon turns the ziploc bag over in his hands thoughtfully, before he’s grinning at tommy and adding, “and i’ve like been giving them out to people for fuckin’ free man, so everybody’s having a great time!” deon puts the bag away, already knowing that tommy isn’t really one to get high, which is chill! to each their own, man. “but bro, if you’re not having a good time and you wanna do something fun, you’ve come to the right place because i,” deon points his thumb to his own chest, brow arched conspiratorially. “am planning a heist. like oceans 8, dude!” deon’s grin only grows as he excitedly bounces on the balls of his feet, “and you can totally be my partner in crime!”

[deonisms]

( @eastisms​ )

“East, man, you look sick!” Deon exclaims as he claps East on the shoulder from behind. Deon wasn’t particularly looking for East when he stumbled upon him, but finding him was a pleasant surprise. And it’s not like he was easy to miss. The heart costume stood out like a sore thumb, but then again normally Deon did too so he could appreciate it! Game respects game, man. “Bro, you totally look like one of those dudes who stand outside stores and hand out flyers! Or, like, a fuckin’ furry!” Deon points to East with a ringed finger, pierced brow arched as he adds, “Both super cool groups to be associated with man. One hands out flyers and the other loves cartoons! What’s not to like!” Deon’s grin is bright as he gives East’s shoulder a final squeeze, shaking his friend affectionately as he says, “Fuckin’ sweet man, I absolutely fuckin dig it.” Deon’s eyes light up abruptly, gaze regaining new focus as he says, “Oh, shit, bro do you wanna help me with something?” 

[postgradhq-deactivated20201108]

Angel wings purchased from Amazon last week fluttering with her steps, Frankie drifted over to a familiar face, taking a moment to appreciate the couple beside the two of them furiously making out. “God, doesn’t just love want to make you like…” she trailed off, lifting her elbow to her lips and making an exaggerated fart sound effect. Her eyes were glazed over, shimmery gold eyeshadow flashing, the happy look of someone who was already three drinks in, the silky white dress she wore not exactly cocktail attire appropriate. “Want to make things a little more interesting tonight? The last one of us to chug our drink has to kiss a stranger. Hot!”

[deonisms]

Deon was occupied with peeking at the bottom of his beer can when Frankie trotted over, one eye scrunched closed as he desperately tried to figure out if he lost his tongue piercing in there or somewhere else. Did he swallow it? Shit, man. But the furrow of Deon’s brow melts away at Frankie’s fart sound, his laughter genuine and bright as he regards her with amusement. “Nice.” Deon can’t help but nudge one of Frankie’s angel wings with a finger, prodding it playfully even as he bewilderedly asks, “Bro, isn’t that already what we’re doing? Like, I’m gonna get you someone to hook up with, you’re gonna get someone for me to hook up with.” Deon arches a brow for a moment before he’s saying, “I mean, I’ll chug anyways, but winner’s gotta kiss a stranger too, that’s all I’m saying.”

[deonisms]

( v / x / z )

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

deon is pretty indifferent towards valentines day if i’m honest! he doesn’t hate it, honestly he’s a big fan of the day after valentines day because that means a hell of a lot of discounted chocolate and he’s always up for that! he’s never really had a valentine on valentines day either, but again, it’s something he’s chill with. he likes all the valentines day movies and the general vibe of it, it’s just nowhere near his favourite holiday (which is st. patrick’s day if you’re wondering). 

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

oh for sure. like deon likes to use nicknames for the most part, he gives everyone he’s friends with or close to a nickname. pet names are a grey area though because i don’t think deon has ever really been called pet names much but he’d probably be into it as long as it comes from a place of affection. you could call deon coconut head and he’d be like ‘aw :’) bro’ dkjsdkj. that said in a relationship i can’t see deon being someone to call a significant other anything more than like ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ so nothing too sappy honestly. 

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

god. i don’t even know. deon sleeps with pretty much whoever wants to sleep with him, i’m not gonna lie, deon is easy, man. and honestly he has definitely not kept count but i would say somewhere between ??? 10-20 maybe more?? like deon lost his virginity at fifteen and he’s just been wilding out ever since then so yeah, and that’s of course counting like all sexual encounters and not just intercourse yk. 

[deonisms]

D, E, O, N

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

answered here !

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

answered here !

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

oh god absolutely not lmao. it’s not that deon like gets nervous or is awkward or anything, it just that the words that come out of his mouth are just?? not smooth most of the time?? he’s too blunt and weird to be smooth for the most part. like okay deon can occasionally say the right thing when it comes to like emotional stuff but when it comes to hitting on people or something or like god giving a speech! no! he says whatever he wants! and it’s a mess! that said, thankfully some people like it. it’s his only saving grace. 

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

oh deon’s a freak, and i say this only because he’s willing to like try pretty much anything once! so since he’s had a lot of sex he’s tried a lot of things and he will tell you about these things even though you didn’t ask! not really an intense lover for the most part like?? he’s here for a good time. if something is funny he’ll laugh during sex unapologetically. passionate, but again not too serious. generally one to take charge but he’s cool with anything! and his tongue piercing finally comes in handy, aye. 

[deonisms]

E, A, S, T 😉

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

omg are you kidding deon LOVES a hug! would be hugging everybody at all times if he could! deon’s hugs are warm and solid my friend, they are very nice. he’s the type to tuck his face into your neck or shoulder and if you’re small he’s the type to twirl you around with the embrace, and honestly he’s a pretty strong guy so even if you’re bigger he’ll still try. deon generally smells like coconut shampoo and laundry detergent too so they’re always pretty pleasant embraces. please come to deon for cuddles, he would love it. 

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

answered here !

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

answered here !

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

oooh that’s a toughy. i think a part of deon does, like he believes in love and he wants that for himself, but i also don’t know if deon believes that there’s only one person for you in the world you know. like with the concept of soulmates deon thinks there are like romantic soulmates and friendship soulmates, etc. so while he does believe in like love i don’t think the concept that there is only ONE person who you’re meant for really vibes with him you know. that said who knows maybe one day someone will come along and change your boys mind. omg also if like anyone else is like ‘hey i found my true love’ deon isn’t like ?? a cynic you know?? he’s happy for them! * deon vc * hell yeah dude, fuck it up with that fairy tale shit! dkjddjk

[deonisms]

A, L, Y

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

deon is one for physical touch! will pull you into a hug, will kiss you face, will hold your hand. even like ruffling your hair or patting your head, all physical touch is on the table for deon. also just being close to people he likes like deon will sit right up next to you or lay his head in your lap, and that’s just his way of showing he loves you. he’s also a big one for gift giving honestly, like deon is a big fan of gag gifts but he will also like make you something by hand! loves making things for people tbh, because he never had much to buy anyone anything anyways. will make you a cute little toy or a video game if he’s feeling particularly creative. also one for words of affirmation now that i think about it because !!! deon will straight tell you how much he loves you unprompted!!! will tell you how cool he thinks you are without warning!! he just says things man, but he’s also not a liar so everything he says is true and he means every affectionate word okay. 

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

omg listen i could sit here and tag every muse in this rp because deon loves everybody man! he loves all of his friends, he loves his flatmates, he loves even his exes man. even if you hate deon he loves you. deon loves literally everybody, i am not kidding. if anybody on the avenue needed deon’s kidney tomorrow he would give it to you no questions asked!

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

ooh, honestly this is a side of deon i’ve never really gotten to explore before but probably. deon is the type where like if he cares about you he cares about you 100% and if anyone was trying to hurt like anyone he had love for or if deon even got like a bad feeling from anyone and THOUGHT they were trying to hurt someone he had love for, deon would completely try to protect them from harm. it’s along the same lines as deon not giving the police his ‘friends’ names even after they left him for dead at a crime scene, you know, like he’s going to do what he can to protect someone he loves no matter what. even after the fact, like if someone hurt someone he cares about and deon finds out later he might just snoop around to find a mofos address. he just wants to talk!

[deonisms]

D , H , S

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

god, deon is easy man. like as long as he’s with someone he likes he doesn’t really care where they go? like you could take him to freaking arby’s and he’d be happy. that said if you want to surprise him with something nice take him to like laser tag or something, he’d have a lot of fun with that. just something fun where he can laugh and have a good time with someone he likes! he’d also really like paintballing or like an art class or even an AQUARIUM like !! he is so easy to please, as long as you take him somewhere interactive he’s going to have the time of his life! 

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

god, deon is so quick to give his heart away. he’s a whole idiot man. like deon is very guarded with his thoughts and like past, but when it comes to his feelings he just wears them right on his sleeve. and he’s the type of person who sees the best in everybody so !! he could find a reason to fall in love with anybody, you know. he’s so stupid but he’s so sweet he will give you his heart for zero dollars even if you don’t want it sdkjdskj even if you’re gonna stomp on it honestly truly rip. 

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

i mean he probably had crushes on both frankie and love when he was younger so jot that down. deon has had a bunch of little crushes though are you kidding me he’s a whole stupid. i don’t know if it was ever reciprocated though because deon truly was a weird ass kid, like most kids tended to kind of avoid him or pick on him a bit rip. but he had tons of little crushes, and he usually gave those crushes dead bugs and stuff like that like the weird kiddo he was. obviously this almost never went over well, but he tried his hand at romance he really did. @frankievgo @meantnothing

[deonisms]

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life

“... I wanna be taller, man.” Deon replies after a moment of thought. “Like I wanna be fuckin’ seven foot! And just be looking down on all these hoes, you know?” Deon arches a brow pointedly as he adds, “I’ll be able to reach things without needing a ladder. I could be in the NBA. I could look Clifford the Big Red Dog right in the fuckin’ eyes. It’d be dope.” 

Also lowkey it would be cool to have a family or something! Like if my mom never died. Things would have probably been so much better, y’know. 

[deonisms]

29 , 48 , 93 , 97 !

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for

“Dude! Retirement, man!” Deon leans back as he hollers the words, excited grin broad as he says, “I cannot wait to be super fuckin’ old in my fucking retirement home with all of my buddies, and supe up my little old people scooter to be super fucking fast and smoke out all the competition!” Deon raises his hand as he gestures with his words, enthusiasm palpable. “I’ll race it against other cars on the street, I’ll race it against kids on their bikes, because when you’re old you can get away with anything, bruh! Who’s gonna fucking tell you anything! You’re gonna like, die soon! No one is gonna tell you shit!” Deon shakes his head almost wistfully then, eyes far off as he says, “God, I can’t wait. The moment I’m sixty will be the moment I’ve peaked.” 

48. What do you like about yourself

“Uh...” Deon’s brows furrow for a moment in thought, his lips slowly pulling into a wince before he’s saying, “I mean... I like my hair I guess. And I really like my piercings! And tats!” Deon pauses for a moment before he’s shrugging sheepishly. “But that’s pretty much it. I mean, I like that I know how to have fun! That’s cool, I guess.” Deon nods confidently, “I know how to have a good time. Oh, and I like that I can make shit! Like Deebs.” Deon nods with more confidence. “Yeah, man. That’s pretty cool.” 

93. How would you label yourself?

“Uh, I’m bi. I’m cis. I’m... a man of colour. I’m... Deon.” Deon flashes a thumbs up accompanied by his grin. “Yeah. That’s it I think. Oh, shit, and I’m a fuckin’ hufflepuff, man! Yeah, that’s the most important one.” 

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

“Oh, shit. That’s tough like... you wanna go somewhere cool, but not so far back that things just get really racist, you know?” Deon says with a slight wrinkle of his nose. He pauses for a moment to think before he says, “I think I’d wanna go back to like, the beginning though. Like with the cavemen! I’d want to bring like a flashlight and freak them the fuck out man. That’d be fun. Plus, maybe I’d see a fuckin’ dinosaur, like? The Land Before Time fuckin slaps!”

[deonisms]

20, 25, 60, 13

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

“Snogged,” Deon snorts, in amusement at the word itself, shaking his head with his laughter as he says, “Fuck, that’s never not funny, man! Snogged! What kind of fucking word is that!” Deon snorts once more before he’s pausing to actually think, humming a moment before he says, “Uh... Oh! It was in the McDonald’s ball pit! Bro.” Deon shakes his head in nostalgia, eyes far off as he says, “We were in the ball pit, fuckin’ around, and then he kissed me, right there in front of Jesus... and Ronald McDonald.” Deon nods sagely with the words, taking a hit from his blunt and exhaling smoke as he continues, “Super fuckin’ romantic. I can’t remember that guys name though, cause that was like on fucking Tuesday, and I’ve already forgotten most of what happened on Tuesday. So ball pit dude, if you see this hit me up!” Deon laughs for a moment before his brows are pulling down to furrow as he says, “... Oh shit. That’s why I got fired from McDonalds.” Deon eyes widen a bit before he’s exhaling. “Dude. It makes sense now.” 

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

“I mean, yeah! Like, my mom.” Deon says with a shrug, lips twisted into something unhappy even as he says, “I mean, I didn’t get to know her for long, but it would’ve been cool to know her for longer! I mean, I’m sure she was fuckin’ dope.” Deon purses his lips for a moment before he’s lighting up and adding, “Oh! Also, my tamagotchi! Gooch, if you’re hearing this I miss you!”

60: Do you wanna get married?

“I mean... I don’t not want to get married.” Deon replies with a thoughtful pout, head cocked to the side as he says, “Like if I meet someone super fuckin’ dope, and I wanna like hang out with them forever then cool! Let’s do it! I mean, it’s a pretty sweet deal honestly. You get a party, and rings, and like free shit just for saying like ‘I do’. Pretty fuckin’ cool if you ask me.” Deon shrugs pointedly before he’s taking another hit and adding, “Oh shit, and if me and Franks are still single by the time we’re thirty we’re gonna get hitched anyways! Aye, it’s gonna be a party! Everyone’s invited! We’re gonna have a fucking bounce house and like jalapeno poppers! It’s gonna be dope, just saying.” @frankievgo

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

“I don’t hate a lot of people, man. I don’t like it, it feels gross, like eating glue.” Deon says simply before he’s frowning and adding, “But like, my dad. I guess. I mean, I’m always gonna hate him, he’s a dick. But like everybody hates their dad a bit right? Like, except Nemo, from Finding Nemo, but that’s because Marlon’s cool. If my dad was as cool as Marlon I’d like him too!”