Wed. MARCH 27th 3:40ish
It's not just the fact you wore that shirt.
I just got off of work early and I ask you, "any word from game stop?"
You say, "no, no word." And you make a sad face.
"Aw man, did you-" and let me preface this, I already knew your answer and the face you would make, "did you call them?" Like I asked you, 3 days ago.
Uncomfortable face now, the phone, it's your greatest nemesis. We'll see this recurrent enemy in a lot of our arguments.
"No, they told me if I don't hear anything back, back Wednesday then it's a no." I know this, you know this. You didn't have to tell me the third or fourth time after the third or fourth time I asked you.
It's also the way none of this would be as much of a problem as it is, had you called the lawyer like I asked.
"OK, I know you're not going to like this," I watch as you squirm in your seat. "Can you call them please?"
You're frustrated and squirming and you get of bed and go to the restroom. Then you come with a cheerful smile.
"Do you want to come with me?" You cheerfully smile.
I already know where and I already know why and it breaks my heart because you're so happy but what you want is not what I wanted.
"Where?" I ask, I'm trying not to ask bitchely because I can already hear the sass from my voice. I care and love you.
"To game stop!" I have a moment of hope and joy but quickly shut that shit down because I know your next sentence is, "I want to trade in some cards." And it is.
I just had a long day at work, my client who is usually grumpy but fairly chill, has been increasingly aggressive with staff and peers. You don't know or you do, but you probably don't because you've already admit to me that you don't listen when I talk about work or my issues or just day to day banter. It's fine, I start to do the same thing about your cards, but I at least put in an effort to talk to you during those times. But whatever, this isn't about those moments. It's about all the moments.
It's like how my job is to recognize patterns in behavior and overanalyze everything, but hold on that's not your fault. What is frustrating me is how it's like a neon sign that you have no effort when it involves doing the hard things like communicating (whether that involves professional or health matter, you, or both of us).
"Hey can you call that lawyer so you're no longer onTHE FUCKING REGISTRY! (this isn't yelled and there's no curses, I do like to take pride in the fact that our relationship isn't that toxic, it's the small things.) I don't mean to anger, frustrate, or scare you. Sorry for the uncomfortable request I've made."
"Hey can you help me or just be present with me, WHILE IM LITTERALY MISCARRYING YOUR BABY! because from here on out, the pain is memorable but what hurts more is seeing you on your phone."
Sincerly
Adel
