Niara

***I am imperfect and mad and love to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring***

[derangedarchangel]

Oh golden boy , don't act like you were kind.

you were mine but you were awful everytime

You should know that i died slow,

running through the halls of your haunted home.

and the touhest part is that we both know

what happened to us

why you're out on your own.

merry christmas,please don't call.

[derangedarchangel]

the only thing i am

is a coward.

the only things i have,

are excuses.

the hourglass of fairy dust,

seems to be running out.

no longer can i pour

that magic over their eyes.

is this what i've been avoiding?

them seeing who i truly am?

or is what i've been truly avoiding?

is me facing who i truly was?

[derangedarchangel]

Doomed from the start I knew

Would never last us two

Never think things through

Always the first one to

Jump at chance to love

Be loved

To see

And be seen.

- niara

[derangedarchangel]

Not angry at you, I could never be.

I accept the decision you made however hurt it brings me.

But please don't act like there was nothing between us.

I would be a much better stranger than a friend.

[derangedarchangel]

How can you lose something you never had?

How can your heart be broken over something you claimed was never yours?

Why do the leaves fall and wind blow around me just like before?

When I know nothing is same as before.

[derangedarchangel]

There's a difference between FIRST love and first LOVE.

[derangedarchangel]

Stuck

[derangedarchangel]

Feeling

[derangedarchangel]

So much

I feel so much

Too much

It's all too much

Anger, resentment, hate, sentiment

Where can I put it all down

Who can I give it all to?

-

Niara

[derangedarchangel]

Suicidal

happiness is a tricky thing

but then so is love

we could be happy doing simple things

reading,shopping,dancing

we could be happy doing big things

winning , travelling , breathing

breathing?

why did i say breathing

its a big thing

its a hard thing

to breathe

and to keep breathing

every heartbeat is a choice

not something natural

but a choice

when did it start

why is my life taking a toll

with every passing comment

a glance from someone

means an hour of thoughts

that ends in

"what if i died today?

will they cry for me"

I think about ending

just to feel something

..........................................

[derangedarchangel]

lost

[thoughtcascades]

That “leave me like everybody else did” line doesn't work on me, buh bye

[derangedarchangel]

Sky looked pretty.

Moon was with her.

[derangedarchangel]

It was never them or any of the others.

It was always me.

I was supposed to be there

For me.

-

Niara

[derangedarchangel]

I was not meant for people.

Only for trees ,leaves and sometimes the ocean.

-

Niara

[derangedarchangel]

Once

Just once

I want my presence to be sought out.

[derangedarchangel]

It's all coming together

To the way it should be

The way I always have been

Alone.

Surprisingly it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.