A webcomic has consumed me

she/her I live for the day Dex and Nursey figure shit out (follow will be from silverandbronze)

[requiemforthewolves]

"True southerner Eric Bittle getting engaged straight out of college-" Incorrect. True southerners get engaged IN college and get married the second they graduate. I actually think a lot of restraint was shown on both sides and they should be commended for it.

[softgnome]

Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles

The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.

But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!

I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.

I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.

[darlingofdots]

a selection of photos taken by other people from their first year of marriage:

towards the end of their wedding reception, sun setting, looking rumpled and tired, Ilya kissing Shane's palm while Shane is very seriously talking to Scott Hunter

the two of them with a fan, taken at the dog park, Ilya holding Anya and Shane with one arm around his husband's shoulder and the other trying to prevent Anya from licking the fan's face

Shane Hollander sitting on the Centaurs bench with blood on his face, mouth wide open, Ilya Rozanov gripping his chin and glaring at the gap where Shane's bottom canine used to be

Ilya Rozanov with his fist in the air after a goal, a smear of red in the corner of his mouth

sitting next to each other at team tape review, heads bent together, Ilya's hand on Shane's thigh, Shane's hands sketching out a play in the air

Ilya Rozanov leaning against his car in the airport arrivals line, a coffee in one hand and a forest-green smoothie in the other

Shane Hollander giving his husband the middle finger after losing the shot accuracy competition at ASG by half a second

piggyback racing across the yard with a Pike twin each clinging to their necks

Ilya Rozanov, outraged, with a face full of snow, as his husband doubles over with laughter

wearing identical blank expressions the seventeenth time a journalist asks about their "off-ice chemistry"

Shane Hollander throwing his head back and cackling in a booth at a random dive bar in a random city, Ilya Rozanov grinning into his drink

asleep on the team bus after game 5 of the conference finals, Ilya curled into Shane's shoulder

[penandinkprincess]

At a particularly low point during the Rose era, Ilya was up until 4am stalking the location of Shane’s cottage and then whoops! he paid a fortune to buy the adjoining plot of land.

Once they’re back together, Ilya has to decide whether to admit to the most insane thing he’s ever done or try to sell property in a country he doesn’t live in without Shane noticing.

shane starts thinking out loud during a trip up there together about whether he should go ahead and try to buy the adjoining lot in case they want to add a guest house one day or just want more privacy and ilya just

[hardlyhinged]

Op’s tags

[darlingofdots]

In the background of the video clip, posted by a fan at the hotel breakfast just before Christmas 2018, Shane Hollander is talking on the phone. He looks tired but he's smiling, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with a fork. "I saw, baby," he says. "No, definitely, no way that was slashing, I'm with you. You'll get them next time, though. Beautiful goal you got in the first, that was so fucking sexy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Love you."

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

And Shane Hollander is so consumed by jealousy he almost chokes.

[azaablue]

the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be apart of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

[sozvezdiyay]

Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)

But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.

And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.

And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"

[viria]

utter unawareness (Grimmauld Roommates AU)

[groovyfran-png]

"Do you insert yourself as the top/bottom of your favorite ship?" No, I'm the cameraman

[smokingrozanov]

Shane Hollander would go on Hot Ones and barely react to a single wing. Not because they’re not spicy but because he’s scared of looking like a pussy so he straight faces every wing & still gives wildly PR-approved answers

[smokingrozanov]

Ilya Rozanov goes on Hot Ones and starts pouring sweat by wing #3 but he just keeps saying “Russians do not break” and answering the questions. When they hit Da Bomb he starts swearing in Russian and calling Sean Evans a cocksucker which gets him mildly canceled in both the gay community & the Sean Evans enthusiast community

[thisfeebleheart]

these sweet kisses before 'I love you'

[spending-life-pretending]

do yall even care that ngozi ukazu is making tiktoks responding to comments requesting nurseydex content rn. do yall even know what this is doing to me.

[wingsseni]

irina and ilyusha 🤍

[drawballa]

Sleepy boys 💤

[tearsofshane]

I desperately need to read a fic along these lines, hockey or not... Shane and Ilya fall into this hookup thing hard and fast, developing feelings neither of them wants to name or even acknowledge. Shane has finally found someone and something where he can let himself go and he's on a super high from it. They have a good thing going, each getting their needs met and going their own way. Fast forward like a year and something happens suddenly that forces them apart, and it's years of no contact for whatever reason, maybe ilya had to go back to Russia. But they're just hooking up so it's no big deal, it's see you later dude. No big mushy goodbyes or anything. But they think about each other every day, with no way of knowing how the other is. One of them got a new number and they never got back in touch. Fast forward again to like five years later and we see shane a shell of a man, held together by strict routine and a packed schedule. No room to break down. No time to think about that thing he misses that he needed so badly, still needs but won't let himself admit. Ilya is hardened by his experiences, not the carefree troublemaker anymore, no shine and sparkle in his eye, no smirk on his face. Just a hard set frown and no depth to see behind it. Somehow they meet again, totally unexpected. It's a punch to the gut seeing each other across the room or on the street or wherever. They stand there in complete shock, staring, remembering, feelings clawing their way back up their throats. They move toward each other by some external force, magnets attracted. They're standing toe to toe, face to face, staring eye to eye at what is left of the man they once knew. And then it snaps, Shane crumples, Ilya catches him. Their hands grip and claw at each other, so hard it hurts, fingertips digging in. Are you real? Are you here? Is it you? It's not the you I remember. What has life done to you? I needed you. I needed you. All this time? All this time.

[tearsofshane]

Still thinking about this. Like it's crucial you understand that they didn't realise the effect it would have on them, they don't realise until it's way too late, or maybe ever. Without getting into abo or anything, it's like the feeling of if they accidentally bonded or mated and breaking that bond resulted in their bodies starting to decay around them. When they see each other again, touch each other again, it's like their nervous systems both take a huge sigh of relief. It hits them, how poorly they've been sleeping, their lack of appetite, the dull grey tinge that's settled around everything. A fog that's been slowly creeping over their life is lifted and for the first time in years a beam of sunlight peeks through, warm and soft. A sob, a cry. This! This is what i needed all along. It's you. I didn't realise you were the sunshine in my life. Everything was so cold without you. Hands pressed to teary cheeks, nose to nose, baring soul to soul. I thought i lost you. You were mine and I lost you and I didn't know.

[memyselfandi13531]

post skip kiss but ilya is still chirping the fuck out of scott hunter every game and a clip of it goes viral ( "hey hunter! didn't know that the nursing home was doing field trips right now." "yep, they sent me out here to kick your ass." "but where is your walker? i think you need will it tonight" "fuck off" "oh boyfriend has it huh? you are so lucky. he is so young and you are so weak." "rosanov so help me god i will fuckin-").

ilya's next press conference has him answering questions about his "borderline offensive" remarks to scott hunter and he's just like

"yes i said this to him. it is chirping it is meant to be offensive."

at the collective intake of breath that follows from the room he adds,

"what, you want me to treat him different because he is gay? i think that is not good. scott hunter is a slow old man. coming out has not changed this. still old, still slow."

when scott's asked about rosanov's comments on his coming out he's like

"well no we talked at the NHL awards he was actually really supportive. yeah he's an asshole, just not a homophobic one."

[miscelium]

shane riding it crazy style in a backwards baseball hat is like level up of white crew socks as lingerie. i think it would give ilya a nosebleed

no bc shane bouncing and moaning on it in just the white crew socks and backwards baseball hat and maybe his smartwatch notifying him he's hit his cardio goal for the day would give me a nosebleed too

[aemelia]

@mina-logan absolutely zero pressure BUT I can picture this drawn in your style so clearly it’s like a vision from god

[mina-logan]

Baby I’m taking NOTES because YES.

[mina-logan]

Anyway I did it.

Full art on AO3: Here