SUCKERPUNCHED.

an original character / written by jaycee

[chatonesque-archive-blog]

❛    sometimes , to hold power , you have to sow a little poison . you can’t show weakness . you have to remember you have no one .    ❜    indie selina kyle. ( priv. / sel. ) revamped 21 may 2017. new52-based , reimagined by jaycee . #CHATONESQUE .

[desfunctional-a-blog]

🔪

[healinglesbian]

At least my abandonment issues will never abandon me

[martyrsuggestion]

Kid, get off the ground. Spit your blood, and bare your teeth; go down a savage, go down fighting.

[desfunctional-a-blog]

like for a starter 🔪

[stariaz]

the drugs just make me reset

[morbid-twat]

[ladieslikeus]

You’re a fighter. Look at everything you’ve overcome. Don’t give up now.

Olivia Benson (via monsterousangel)

[desfunctional-a-blog]

like for a starter 🔪

[desfunctional-a-blog]

[chanwooksus-blog]

[desfunctional-a-blog]

five times kissed (':

‘five times kissed’    /    accepting.    /    @triplexed​

i.     does this count as a first kiss ?

there’s no point in lying to herself ; to deny the courage she’s been working up since about half an hour into the movie as the two found themselves under the same blanket . her idea , by the way : a quiet night . for des it’s the best way to regain her bearings after a long , adventurous week . she doesn’t speak throughout the entirety of the film , laughing occasionally . the majority of her concentration is placed on xander . his presence , his warmth , the pace of his breathing . ( had he fallen asleep halfway through ? )    but after the screen goes dark , the credits rolling with the names of people she couldn’t care less about , desdemona allows her hour of built bravery to come to fruition . silent , as she tends to be , the young woman leans up , pressing a kiss to the corner of the man’s lips , knowing that he can probably hear the slow , deep thump of her heart in her chest .

ii.    if that didn’t then this one does .

it’s the one thing that desdemona had been as equally terrified and excited for : skydiving . as she’d expected of herself , her nerves began to hit as soon as she was standing in the frame of the humbly sized aircraft door . truthfully , it may be that the only reason she’d found the guts to jump was because it wasn’t exactly her choice . and while there’d only been all fear at first , by the time her feet return to hit land desdemona is purely adrenaline and excitement and the insatiable craving to go just one more time .    ❛    we’re gonna do that again , right ?!    ❜    the question leans closer to an actual plea , both of her hands tightly gripping the gear over xander’s chest . their smiles are mirrored for a mere instant of absolute hush . and it happens too quickly for it to be clear whether she kissed him or the other way around , but they’re locked together tightly . not only by the lips , but with her arms over his shoulders and his hands keeping her steady by the waist , and she takes that as a ‘ yes ’ .

iii.    no tunnel of love business .

it seems juvenile in comparison to most of their adventures , yes . but amusement parks are one of desdemona’s guilty pleasures . the amount of sights , sounds , and smells ; nothing is ever the same . the two had partaken in their fair share of daredevil-esque rides , des now feeling the need to wind down . she stays close by xander’s side , steadily making way through her second bag of cotton candy for the night and ever so often pushing a piece towards him . it’s unclear as to who is leading the way , but for ten minutes they’ve wandered aimlessly through the park , allowing her to finally come to the random conclusion that this night , for her , has been enough . leaning her head on the other’s shoulder , des tilts her head up to plant a soft kiss right on his jaw . when the gesture is kindly returned , she can’t help grinning against his lips before a tired ,    ❛    i’m ready t’ leave if you are .    ❜

iv.    don’t it always seem to go …

getting to this point is one of no return . a point where desdemona cares and worries and wants the sound of mind that xander is alright      it was a stunt she should have turned off as soon as she realized how badly it’s going to wrack her nerves . and it’s uncomfortably risky but , stubbornly , she doesn’t look away . not until the feed stutters , cutting out for a second . it’s barely enough time to take a moment and reflect on the devastating effects that this accident could have . snapping out of speculation , she calls xander . when he doesn’t answer the first time it worries her . and then the third and the fourth … and twenty - six calls later there’s still no answer . fine . she waits a day before calling all of the hospitals that would have been in his area . they can’t give out information ( for good reason , okay okay , she knows  ) , especially to a stranger who just thinks she’s important . and it isn’t until day four that there’s a knock at her door . any and every hopeful nerve knows that it’s xander because it just has to be . and opening up to that hope , all stress and worry drops at her feet .    ❛    i thought y'were fucking dead .    ❜    she wraps about him as tightly as their respectively opposite frames will allow before kissing him warmly on the cheek , smiling as she leans away .    ❛    learn to use a payphone .    ❜

v.    

it’s a late night . the warm type that usually leaves the two hesitant to call it over . a night that takes on the slightest chill once he leaves . and des knows it . she’s selfish about it. most times she has taken to ignoring that strange sadness but not now . she doesn’t want to . and when she asks him to stay it’s barely a conversation . in bed they begin the same as always : facing away from each other , des towards the window and xander closest to the door . and for a few silent moments this stays as is . then an emptiness sets in and emilia shifts to fix it , closing the space between them . in the seconds it takes for her fingers to find rest against his ribcage , the room becomes devoid of sound . of normality . of fear . they’re much closer now , her hand pressed to his chest to keep it that way . much unlike she tends to be , her kisses are soft and slow . each one lingers along his neck , shoulder , back . with every quiet motion her heart takes a more leisurely beat until she’s calm enough to timidly ask him not to fall asleep yet . please don’t fall asleep .

[the-homie-sexual]

plot twist: you let someone in and they don’t fuck you over

[desfunctional-a-blog]

🔪🔪

1 knife = 1 stab.    /    accepting.    /    @magicsiphon

it becomes all too clear , much too late . the gutting sound of a knife being jammed through her abdomen rings in both ears above whatever explanation her assailant is muttering . it’s a gripping pain that the young woman has only ever experienced once before . and while she knows there’s no logical way the blade has hit her spine , this somehow hurts worse . the gentle hold she’d had on his shoulder goes limp , both hands moving to pry his fingers from the handle of the object that is more than halfway inside of her .    ❛    k-kai … it’s des .    ❜    her voice is wavering and soft as she searches his eyes , hoping to figure out just what about this hallucination has triggered him to act out so harshly .    ❛    why did you stab me ?    ❜    a frank question , to hopefully solicit a frank answer . blood has started to well up and stream down from the wound . desdemona does her best to stay calm but , if she bleeds out there’s no healing from that . the only thing more scary to her than this moment is the possibility of fucking up and provoking him to stab her a second time .

[desfunctional-a-blog]

kai.    /    magicsiphon.

             the open passing of energy tethers their magic together seamlessly. it’ll stay that way for as long as they hold it—-these were things he spent more time observing rather than participating, but he wasn’t new to the concept. he just never had many volunteers. grip tightens around her own and the hum that rings from her palms to his intensifies. a slight smirk paints his lips and even through closed eyes, he can feel the sun fade in the sky. it darkens and the temperature chills as a bite of wind kicks through.  ❛  ———–make it rain, des  ❜

in no words is she able to describe the confirmation , the solidifying realization that kai is just as powerful ( if not more so ) than she's presumed . it's an energy she is a stranger to , but it is welcomed . he is welcomed . and as she feels their respective spirits settling together , the tenseness in her shoulders falls and her hold constricts . it's in that moment and then an instant after she's now getting the foggiest idea of what is taking place outside of them . the scene becoming crystal clear , finally , at kai's instruction . and in compliance she plays the one word over in her head . ' rain ' . in his voice at first , allowing it slowly to morph into hers . then , desdemona recalls , the cool feeling of rain against skin . cold , unpleasant droplets . they have no pattern , but instead , poetry . the way a rain rolls in and begins to fall slowly , a cautious display of ability . and she takes focus on that soft , slow rain until she can hear it beside her .    ❛    . . . like that ?    ❜

[desfunctional-a-blog]

knightly    /    fullofvoices

“I figured as such, but figured I’d check just in case. I don’t like that kind of crap here. Or anywhere, really.” He waved to one of his staff. “She’ll get you a drink on the house, whatever you want.”

❛    well aren't you a regular knight ‘n shinin' armor . . .    ❜    a reply almost mumbled , an eyebrow quirks at the drink offer . a dangerous gift to give .    ❛    you the owner or d'ya just come here a lot ?    ❜

[desfunctional-a-blog]

i just wanna talk about desdemona for a little while. gather 'round children. let me tell you a story about why i'm sick n' tired of the media perception that only white people are mentally ill and that black people are 'just crazy'

first of all, to be black and mentally ill is a wild thing. the black community itself tends to shy away from the idea of mental illness. the stubborn pride of black people will very often get in the way of young black children getting the mental help that they need. i wanted to give desdemona/emilia the help that not a lot of black kids get: the acknowledgement that they need professional assistance. usually in media these types of issues are never addressed, they're turned into some "crazy uncle darnell" trope or the "already dead family member who killed themselves 'cause they had issues" bullshit number. what i wanted for emilia was success. to learn to overcome and for her mental illness to already have been present before the rest of her life continues.

secondly, i wanted her to not only push past the stereotypes thrown unto black people but also the mentally ill and more specifically, people with schizophrenia. those are two demographics that are stereotypically jobless. that's why desdemona not only has one job, but two. she supports herself, she lives alone. her illness, nor her blackness are at the center of her character but rather enriching parts that make up the whole of her.

while desdemona does have cataontic schizophrenia, this is not something that takes over her entire life (as most people assume schizophrenia does). at times being unmedicated and already suffering from past abuse makes it difficult to cope with, she still functions within society. she is still her own person outside of it. schizophrenia is not her brand or her defining quality. i don't want her to have some recovery arc where she's cured because mental illness is not the type of thing that goes away so you can live happily ever after. to cope is as close to recovery as she can get. and it's not a sad thing, it's just how she lives.

ok that's it. just a brain dump. have a nice day.