I Am Unwritten

I am Georgia. 28 from England. I love cats, pretty things and Taylor Swift.

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Heartbeat

Pinks and blues and baby colours

You leave me spinning like no other

I don't know how I let you in

But your daylight seeped into my skin

And it rushed right through my blood and veins

Like a light turned on and bleached the stains

And it shone through all of me

And I couldn't hide, it was plain to see

Starry nights and poetry

Skimming rocks down by the sea

Chocolate covered strawberries

Rose garden, down on one knee

And from the joy, lost my memory

The cameras flashed for you and me

Quickstep heart beat

Landed on my feet

Now I play the song on repeat

And at last I feel entirely complete

[xxdrowninglessonsxx]

crochet aquarium

[gaynfl-moved]

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Shades of Red

A rose red flurry of Butterflies flutter

Up through my stomach and burst through my chest

My legs feel like buckling as I'm melting like butter

And I fight to keep the thought of pouncing suppressed

I float like a dandelion seed on the breeze

The sounds of the skyline's songs fill up my ears

I'm flying through melodies and white clouds with ease

Dancing to rhythms and tunes with no fears

Your distant voice calls out but I cannot hear

Dreaming away in a world of my own

Elation inflates me and the pathway is clear

There is no other place that I would rather call home

Ocean blue eyes that melt ice with one gaze

That twinkle and shine with each mischievous grin

I could burst into song as I float through the haze

And feel the warmth that covers my skin

A rosy hue glows on the bouquets of roses

And the pink air swirls until it covers our room

I fall harder at every new thing he discloses

And everyday a new flower comes into bloom

My bare finger aches for a silver embrace

And I dream aloud colours and flowers and guests

The music they're playing as I walk on with grace

And with all the excitement my head never rests

So soundly I sleep with the sweetest sensations

Dreaming of the rest of our lives in my head

We built up a world from the strongest foundations

We've come a long way from the whirlwind of red

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Skyline Harmonies

And all at once the pieces fell into place

Like a jigsaw puzzle that was finally complete

The years on the sidelines had paved the way

For dancing in sunlight, refreshed and replete

Written expressions of scouring the earth

Yearning for a way to soften the angst

The words spilled out like an overflowing river

With rhymes and rhythms that were bursting its banks

The footsteps beneath me didn't feel like my own

Like something was guiding my every step

To continue was crazy, to stop was insane

But I carried on walking, weary and inept

The daylight burst into golden glitter

Colours of Earth glistened like stars in the night

And the sounds of the skyline were singing in harmony

A smile on their faces as they watched in delight

She said when I find it, my world would stop spinning

And it would feel like a fairytale every day

Everything clicked into place in one moment

And it started the second you asked me to stay

Now we stroll through the buttercups in the bright yellow fields

Talking of churches and places and names

Feeling sun on my skin and the wind in my hair

This love burns on like eternal flames

It's singing on car rides and shopping for rings

Exploring new places, and fancy dress

Post it notes fill up my scrapbook pages

I can't wait for the day that I get to say "yes"

And what's next to come is the greatest part

Holidays and Christmas and dreams coming true

They whispered your name in their sweetest songs

And I'm thankful for those answers that led me to you

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ROMEO SAVE ME I BEEN FEELING SO ALONE I KEEP WAITING FOR YOU BUT YOU NEVER COME IS THIS IN MY HEAD I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK

…to be continued when my Romeo arrives

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HE KNELT TO THE GROUND AND PULLED OUT A RING AND SAID...

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Is this the greatest gaslight of all?

If I was on the outside, peering in

At a snapshot of the present and my twinkling grin

With the papers strewn on the tables and floor

The dates of appointments and the keeping score

Would it look like a fight for freedom and choice

Regaining a strong and bellowing voice

To take back control and wear it proud

A promise to never again be cowed?

Would it be clear that the fight was fair

A lovebird escaping then destroying it's snare

The climber reaching its peak and standing tall

Or is this the greatest gaslight of all?

Looking through your glass house at a stranger's life

Carving a carcass with the sharpest knife

Ripped out the flesh and then grinded the bones

So I throw out words like they're sticks and stones

Dancing around and falling in love

Fitting together like a hand in a glove

Everyone says how they think she's glowing

Maybe it's better off not knowing

Claims of forever only heighten my sighs

With a joyous sparkling in her twinkling eyes

Someone to turn to and catch when you fall

Or is this the greatest gaslight of all?

Travelling for miles in the passenger seat

A smile and a handshake for everyone that he meets

Displays of affection they printed in ink

Toasting the year with a kiss and a drink

Now you'll move the mountains to follow that star

You were banging the drums now you're playing guitar

She flies around the world with the girls on her own

Whilst you're posting the pictures you saved in your phone

Allow me the room for my freedom of choice

Accepting ideals from a wavering voice

A master at keeping your eye on the ball

Or is this the greatest gaslight of all?

Sitting in darkness listening out for a creek

Swallowing the words that I'm too scared to speak

Screeches and pacing that feels like hell

Banished for jest I recall all too well

Alone at the parties, I'm paying the price

The secrets I keep of a gown I wore twice

Tried not to crack as he looked on concerned

I stared through the clock on the hill, my throat burned

A soul in two halves from the children's game

They tore up and battered my honorable name

Is the truth a far cry from what I recall?

Is this the greatest gaslight of all?

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Hidden Volcanoes

Her hair glistened with radiant sunlight

She laughed at the joke like a Hollywood actress

And the beam of the glow was so bright every day

That it outshone the silent darkness

In a lemon print top, we ran through the hours

Barely saying a meaningful word to each other

And had i have known of the monster she was hiding

I could have tried a little bit harder

A volcano doesn't warn you before it erupts

When the lava starts creeping you won't see a thing

And the prettiest sight of all to see

Is replaced with destruction exploding

If I piece it altogether then maybe I'll see

The tectonic plates were shifting

And every chance I could have had

Was overlooked by an explanation

And the culture that locked their mouths up forever

Was only the final straw to the matter

When the world starts hiding and disguising its truth

The lid on the pot keeps the water boiling

And all of the steam that needs to escape

Will burst out at once and leave you burning

She crashed down around us with the house walls crumbling

And we stood in the wreckage like it could fix itself

Then pretend to figure out where it all went wrong

But no one is doing the asking

She slipped through the fingers like water pouring

Then we shatter each day just imagining that hell

And we walk through the streets with the black weight upon us

But if you zoom out of this focused picture

And look at everyone else walking down that street

Their own lives and stories and lies and disguises

Someone walked past her and neither of them knew

Just another lonely face in a lonely crowd

And it looks like the weight is on me now

A midnight rambling of midnight darkness

And the worst part is knowing she will never know

How hard that my heart is breaking

And if she knew the love I am holding for her

And how i just can't stop the aching

Maybe it would have saved her

Or maybe it would have saved me

The smile on her face glistened

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It Never Stops

They said there would be days like these

Electric pulses running through me

Firing off a thought then again and again

It never stops

She passed by me like a leaf on the wind

I should have stopped and listened

And in the blink of an eye a year's gone by

And it never stops

Grey faces walk through a crowd of grey

You'll never hear what they have to say

The endless rumble of traffic rush

It never stops

I replay the moments over and over again

Did it mean something could I have seen the end

Or will it make me go insane at the thought of it

And it never stops

I would have cried I would have loved for you

I would have fought if I only knew

Some days can't be taken away like that

It never stops

And how it shattered like a pretty vase

And all the diamonds all the houses the cars

They can't take that away

And it never stops

Oh but hush there's no use in talking

We stand up turn our backs and keep walking

Its no good so just shut up and be quiet

It never stops

Round and round and round we go

Don't lose it now don't steal the show

We go round and round and round we go

And it never stops

Then one by one they're leaving and gone

But hush there's no use in talking again

Its no good shut up keep walking again

It never stops

One by one they're leaving and gone

But hush shut up no talking

Hush hush stand up keep walking

And it never stops

Shut up shut up keep walking

And it never stops

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The Monsters of Wonderland

I run into the silence

Looking back on the clattering storm I was caught in

Swirling in a mass of gray

The lightening striking the ground and the thunder rumbling

I hear nothing

There's no endless spinning lies or screams or cries

The storm flashes red and black

The winds change direction every half a second

But I hear none of it

The ground I stand on feels stable

It doesn't shake and move when I try to walk

It doesn't pull me backwards once I think I'm getting somewhere

When I look around, I see distant rays of sun

Butterflies flutter through the air with the birds

If I close my eyes, I can still see the look on her face as she spoke

The most unbearable words, that I refused to believe

Filling the room

If I listen hard enough, I can almost hear The wedding song she chose that is shattered in lies

And a baby crying, not knowing the world it is born into

My hands are dry and cracked

They tried to weather the storm I was caught in

They held on with the tighest grasp for too long

In the end I had to let go and free fall

Like Alice as she fell down the rabbit hole to Wonderland

Where nothing made sense and was not what it seemed

To feed from their stories only made you bigger

And to drink what they served made you whittle away

I can still taste the poison on the tip of my tongue

And can feel the effects as it poisoned my mind

As I turned to run free, a fiery hand Reached out towards me to drag me back in

Or push me away

With burns that I could never recover from

The monstrous face with burning fire eyes

It screams from the pain it has brought to itself

I ran through the fire and the storms and the rain

All to escape from the torture they poured on us

Ready to light it all up with a match

But I ran until they could no longer reach me

Until the black skies brightened and turned into blue

Though I see their faces screaming in anger for leaving

I hear no sound but the gentle birds tweeting

The wind through the grass and the fluttering of wings

I keep on walking until I find civilisation

With the burns on my back, I am forever set free

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Monstrosity in Cream

At somewhere around the age of twelve

I laid eyes on the new monstrosity in cream

Replacing the cushions of flowery green

That I'd known for all my childhood years

I looked upon it in disgust

How was I supposed to accept this new eyesore

Pretend it was better than the one there before

It imprinted my thighs with lines from its corduroy

The seams were hard as nails

It smelt of newness that lingered in the air

I had to try and pretend I didn't care

But it was supposed to be a comfort and it felt far from it

At the age of fourteen

My new blue jeans stained the cream from the dye

I scrubbed it away whilst my mother gave a sigh

And then I did it again a few months later

When I was sixteen

It watched me come home and shed silent tears

Over a person who had once brought laughter and cheers

Instead I wrote lines of the colours I had felt

Some time after this

It was a bed for my friend who needed it most

We'd sit and talk for hours on it as our host

Watching us laughing and dancing around the room

A few years later and still sitting there

It saw the first glimpse of something real

It was there I made the bargain and deal

Then I screamed and cried and wished it could swallow me whole

Then it moved with me

A new adventure in a different place was waiting

To be included in the life I was creating

But instead the walls crashed down around it

It laid with me there

Cradling and holding me for weeks on end

It was the comfort I needed and the lifelong friend

Until one day I had to say goodbye

Now here we are

It sits in the same place that it used to before

And I see it draped in purple that I have to ignore

Whilst it watches other people that I don't even know

And it's not that I want to keep it for myself

I just don't want it being with anyone else

Those are my memories and that is my childhood

And maybe that's something they never understood

They could all be reading this with a frown and a scoff

The rhymings don't work and the timing is off

But I spent the last 15 years with it there

It's full of my memories and the photos that I share

So when they look at you, my monstrosity in cream

I hope the one thing you radiate and scream

The one thing they look at you and see

Is me.

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Time Limit

Years ago now when the skies seemed darker

I tried to invoke with a permanent marker

A fairytale rhyme of a life I could lead

I embedded the paper with ink and a plead

Forever fretting over ages and timing

Trying to plot when the bells would be chiming

She said to have patience and stop the pretences

Whilst I carried on dreaming of white picket fences

It feels like just yesterday we were walking through halls

With amateur paintings hung on the walls

Talking of futures like we had a clue

Imagining the where and the how and the who

Now those days are long gone and the clock keeps on ticking

And the feeling of infinite youth is unsticking

All those friends we held dearly went their own separate ways

Now they're married with children we will never help raise

Five years slip past in the blink of an eye

Barely catching your breath as the time creeps on by

Stealing the blueprints to your mapped out future

We block out the fears as a temporary suture

But maybe our fears are irrational and flawed

There are no gold trophies and no scoring board

Maybe we shouldn't see time as a limit

When our feelings can change in a New York minute

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Alone

The air washes upon me like a crashing ocean

But it makes no sound

I'm stuck in silence but the bustling world rotates around me

Time shouldn't be moving but it tick tick ticks away

I drown in the echoes of those around me

Who dance gracefully into the night

With their sweet soothing music and their effortless movement

I mourn for the loss of the life that I wanted

A carefree and calming enjoyment of paradise

Free to fly wherever I choose at the drop of the hat

Not planning and researching and preparing every day just to find something to appease

I feel guilty for the ones who have to suffer

Trapped by the rules of the game I force them to play

They can say sweet words and empty sentiments but the patience runs thin for the captives

Another life might not be a field of sunflowers

Those who aren't burdened have their crushes to contend with

But who can be satisfied by feeling alone with a thousand people around

When in the moment it is only you to compre to

The person who sits alone with no one around alike

Whether they are far away sat alone too in their millions

Will still feel alone in the silence of the empty house

There is nothing that can be done

To feel in that moment that this is something great

Something that passes and something that gets better

It only ever feels like the darkest cave to bury inside

So no one needs to find you and succumb to the misery you radiate

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Weather Forecast

The sky has turned to the darkest grey

It's not the one from the picture we painted

It faded into a hopelessness where it once brought joy

The picture doesn't strike as the golden place anymore

It's a pet store hamster cage and I'm chewing at the metal bars

Hoping for a taste of freedom

Feeling like a butterfly that escaped a child's butterfly garden net

Then got caught by a passing bird and flown away to never see the light of day again

It's the feeling of knowing the sun will come back out and shine again

But what's the point in thinking of tomorrow whilst the rain hammers at the window and floods the foundations

The weather man never forecast a storm but they always arrive with brutality and force

So the rain drip drips and the people complain that they're all stuck indoors like it makes it any better

You won't force out the sun by cursing at the raindrops on your window

But no one thinks of their life in the aftermath when the storm howls outside your door

Then they blame each other for not preparing better, for planning for blue sky and not the grey

The hamster paces back and forth trying to find a way to make the cage suffice

Four walls stare in impatience and hostility

Theyre closing in by not moving at all

These words are falling flat and useless

Theyre just a speech into the darkness that will never be heard

The grey doesn't disperse and the raindrops stare at me

The hamster gives up and sits in frustration at the nonexistent progression

The world ticks on through the night

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What A Sad Little Life, Jane

Trying to sink your long thick claws into something I don't need to tell you is not yours

Making stories up in your deluded head like somehow it will get him crawling in your cold bed

I thought that maybe it had been enough time for you to wake up and realise that he's still mine

Walking 'round like you're a know it all but there's no one really there to pick up your call

Do you really think we can't see straight through all your obsessive little cries thinking that no one knew

Isn't it strange how everyone you betrayed has started to walk away from all the games you played

Keep devising all these silly little schemes like it's ever going to play out like your fantasy dreams

Let's be clear at the end of the day no one believes the lie infested, foolish words you say

Thought you and your minion would win this game but everyone here knows there's only one to blame

You never got the prize you thought you would win with that clever little story with the monumental spin

They only laugh at you trying so hard just to tear me apart and put me in the graveyard

Good luck with your pathetic little life always waiting for the moment to stab me with your knife

Someday you're going to get caught in the crossfire, your plans are going to backfire, you really should retire and let your fantasy expire cause your schemes are just dire.

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Ghost of Me

I fought the hands that dealt me with the final royal flush

Set alight the pressure before it had the chance to crush

I lied through all the truth that was slowly spilling out the seams

I blocked out all the voices that had leaked into my dreams

I cut away the tumours that were wrapped around us both

Just to watch them creep in with their everlasting growth

I swore to all the gods that I would never see this fall

I wrestled with myself until I could barely even crawl

Their words could never be enough for me to break my heart

I'd rather push them all away than face being ripped apart

Told myself I'd be a captain going down with the ship

Nothing in the world could have loosened my tight grip

I took the wounds and scars it made and ignored them like I was numb

Shunned the silence to comfort myself like a child sucking their thumb

Through blazing fire and feeling like a torn up, tarnished rag

I promised myself you could never see me waving a white flag

But all the wishing on stars and candles could never stop the way

It chipped away at a piece of me with every tempestuous day

All at once the music stopped and the reign of my heart was over

No more hoping on miracles and searching for four-leaf clover

I told them how the fire burned out and everything that was wrong

They'd shake their heads and sigh and tell me they'd known it all along

I spent so many nights knowing to leave would be to die

In the end that death of me was needed for me to fly

That girl may be dead and gone now but her ghost lives forever in me

Her world is just a clouded memory that's buried out at sea

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When you don't have a big ibs flare up for 3+ years so get multiple all in one instead 😭 or potentially your genetics finally creep up on you and give you your worst fear diagnosis. Guess we will find out.

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Fear

The daylight gleams and the candle burns

The rivers flow and the planet turns

We wander through days and nights that end

I cling to the moments together, we spend

Everyday we climb up to a better place

They say they see happiness all over my face

Like somehow this changed me from the person before

A new glowing within me since I walked through the door

Yet so far up, away from the ground

I sometimes can't help but take a look down

And I get more afraid, the higher we go

As I'm scared of falling to the concrete below

So I cling on tighter, try to rush to the top

But you have no fear and you tell me to stop

I'm just searching for safety to feel secure

Every time I look down, the dread strikes me more

And its not that I'm unhappy or disliking the route

It's not some sort of misery I am trying to refute

Its the fear from being here many times before

Of feeling like flying then crashing to the floor

It's the labyrinth of words and feelings we'd spoken

Trying to make sense of where it all became broken

So I'm hoping to swerve every bump, every crack

Begging to climb higher and never look back

Then the more times I fail, the harder it seems

To believe this time could ever be the one from my dreams

So I ask questions to find any flaw I possess

Any way to be perfect, any faults to address

Any thing to avoid that you hated before

Any thing I do better or I could do more

A trait you have searched for and never found

Something to make my worth feel profound

Any way to be better so we don't fall and break

But its never enough to keep fear at stake

And I notice that this doesn't affect you like me

Its like the thought of it to you sounds so easy

Then I wonder if I've fallen in deeper again

If I'm only setting myself up for the pain

If to me this is some sparkling princess tale

And for you it's a game that could succeed or fail

So I'm watching the candle in the daylight that gleams

Hoping it never burns down all my dreams

As the sun shimmers on and the blue rivers flow

I hope we stay dancing forever in the glow