weird headspace

i guess thats fine.  its not really, but i digress  (he/him)

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

blaming it on being soft spoken is another way of saying that nobody really tries to listen

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

just because the sun sets in different directions for us doesnt mean that we cant agree that it sets

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

you can grow a tree and realize the fruit it bears are bitter, but you must recognise that what you provided was just as tart

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

im nothing but a diary to you, pages blank, maybe once im no longer, youll read me like a book

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

The ice dripping off rythmically was the only thing keeping him sane. At this point his brain was stew, which was the only warm thing about him. His icy fingertips danced across the keyboard with soft pitter padders followed by a heavy sigh, the days loss waying on him. The gentle rise and fall of his companions side gave him some sort of comfort and peace knowing he wasnt alone, but it didnt rest his aching heart.

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

soft rain falling apon the flowers, the smell of pine trees, the yearning to embrace amongst, how simple yet exquisite

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

im just a brick, break everything i touch, right? that's what you said, right? am i still so useless? im not looking for the same things as you, right? i dont care about you, right? guess ill just float, searching for your leftovers, only collecting your heavy, now youve dropped your pencil just to push me onto the cold floor, thats what you wanted all along, right? im just a dog to kick, wrap the chain around my neck, i can take it, ive given you all my bones, ill let you break them down to burn in the fire, just let me stay by your warmth, i said i was sorry but ill never really repent, you keep tightening your grip enough to blur my vision, but i cant fall yet, id never force myself, ill wait on my chain for you to give me affection, its just another heavy added onto my chain, i ask for too much, right? i cant carry anymore, its all so heavy

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

every time we hurt ourselves cherry blossoms fall at our feet, but we will always remember the blooms that have fallen, no matter how many times we are rebirthed, because they leave saplings behind

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

my sweet, my love, lets hold hands in the gardens, lets embrace beside the carnations, and kiss beneath the trees

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

i miss such silly things, i miss the people who hurt me most, sometimes i want to save toxic friendships, but i know i shouldnt, i know thats not healing

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

theres no room to breathe in here

too dark to see

too much pollution

my throat is clogged

my chest is hollow

my head stuck under murky waters

im struggling to hold on

but there is no threat

nothing holding me under

my own mind is trapping me

this is the headspace i created

my own mind is killing me

my own mind is flushing me out

because i have no reason to swim to the surface

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

im afraid

you scare me

im afraid

im afraid of getting too close(or maybe not close enough)

you show too much of yourself to me(yet too little for me to understand)

youre too fragile for me to cradle

youll slip right through my fingers

im afraid

im afraid not for you

but for me

and the glass that falls beneath my feet

[desperatelydreadingthesummer]

you just keep coming back

taking

taking

taking every last crumb

your feast is over

i have no more sympathy to offer

i have no more

i have no more bread to keep you coming back to the table

for you have never once offered me your wine