“I am a miserable failure”
This post is targeted at people who are currently experiencing various degrees of failure and have summarized their life in a sentence “I am a miserable failure”.
Am I qualified to talk about failure? Have I experienced failure? Did I lose my sleep, confidence, friends, or money.... because I failed? The answer to these questions is YES!!! And if there was a grade for failure I would be having the highest one.
Different people may have different perspectives regarding success and failure. But the emotions associated with failing are universally the same, what differs may be how a person responds to failure and the effect/s of failure in the life of a person.
So why are you calling yourself a failure? Perhaps you might have gone through or is undergoing some of the following unfortunate circumstances in your life:
You lost a job or promotion you felt you deserved.
You feel you have failed in your responsibilities as a parent for not raising your children or being there for them.
Your business has been crippled by the recession and the pile of debt is increasing daily.
You haven’t excelled in your academics.
You are currently going through a divorce.
I am a failure because I experienced these misfortunes:
The first semester (year1) at the university I had 7 referrals out of 9 courses for that period.
I partnered in a small business but the rest is history.
I felt like a failure because I didn’t meet up to people’s expectations: stayed in a shared flat, no car, no money or exclusive designer wears.....
I couldn’t get certain jobs, was turned down in several interviews.
I wasn’t good enough for some ladies so they couldn’t go out on a date
So why are we so caught up with our failures? Is it because we fear failure? Is it because failing at something has made us insecure?
We fear failure because when we fail, we feel we are reduced to the lowest terms— small, insignificant, negligible.
Failure is a painful experience; setting your heart on something and failing will really hurt so much.
We fear failure because of what people might say about us—our trying and failing.
Failure slowly eats up at our being—it zaps away our self-confidence; our enthusiasm; our appetite for life.
Failure is an inevitable fact of life. People from all walks of life have one time or another met failure. Failure does not discriminate, it knows no bounds. Failing at something does not make you different from anybody else. In fact, failing has made you human. So what should you do in order to move on from the failure?
Let go of your emotions. It is normal to feel upset, frustrated and saddened because you failed. There is absolutely nothing wrong feeling this way. Never attempt to keep a tight rein on your emotions. Don’t fight these feelings because it is your way of coping with your failure. If you refuse to acknowledge these feelings, it will be counterproductive and unknowingly, you will be bound to the stigma of failure. But when you allow yourself to vent out your feelings and accept them, then you will be able to get over them quicker. Allow yourself time to grieve and feel the sorrow, until it is time to let go of your emotions but never underestimate the lessons you learn from the experience.
Call a friend. Pour out your feelings and your thoughts on your failure. Vent out your emotions and frustrations. If you selected this person as your confidant, it is because you trust this person and that they truly care about you and that they will not judge you and take your failure against you. A friend can help you put things in perspective and give you a hand so you can get up and shake off the dust of failure from your being.
Surround yourself with people who love and care for you. Your family and friends will provide the support system so that you can get out of the pit you are in now. They are the persons who will always be with you through thick and thin. Gather strength from them. They have your best interests at heart and spending time with them can surely put you in a better mood and prevent you from dwelling in the past.
Believe in yourself. After experiencing failure, you might be hesitant to venture out to new horizons. You might be full of doubts regarding your ability to succeed. You might have lost your belief in your self, that you can do it and that you are able. Never allow yourself to be limited by your past failures. Whether you like it or not, all people will encounter failure in certain aspects of their life and it is now up to you how you will deal with it. You can use failure to fail forever, or you can use it to make you a better person.
· Live life to the fullest. Indulge in life’s simple pleasures. Immerse yourself in activities that you enjoy and love doing. Focus on doing things you are good at. Boost your self esteem when you are able to realize even if you have failed in one aspect of your life, you are really excellent in other endeavors.
Failing at something is a lesson in life. Understand why it happened. You have to learn from your past mistakes. Do it slowly until you are able to grasp the totality of why you have failed.
· There will always be two sides to the coin when situations happen—be it either good or bad. Don’t dwell on the negative side. Oftentimes these things and events happen for a good reason. Believe in fate and destiny. If you are not destined for something and if it not written in your fate, you will never achieve something even though how much you really yearn for it. Perhaps you may have taken a wrong turn at a crossroad in your life, and you have reached a dead-end. Now you are back to square one. But there are still lots of avenues left unexplored and a whole world of possibilities await you.
Failing has awaken a fountain of emotions within you. The ball is now in your hands—what you do with it will re-echo forever in your life.
You can chose to let failure ruin your life forever or you can stand up and learn from your mistakes. Failure is a good teacher, so heed her lessons well.
Do not focus on failure: if you think that you will fail, you will. If you failed, your normal human reaction would be to feel miserable BUT this should not stop you from taking future risks.
Focus on your strengths: do not focus on your limitations, because they will really limit you. Winners capitalize on their strengths to achieve their goals.
Plan your work and work your plan: people fail because they have not mapped their way to success. Winners always know where they are going.
You are not perfect: But you can work to develop your potentials. You have the power to improve yourself and be a better and successful person.
Never lose your enthusiasm: it is a positive trait that rubs off on the people around you. Enthusiasm is contagious.
Don’t forget the first rule of success: “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again”. “A winner never quits and a quitter never wins”. Even if you feel you are against the world, never give up. Draw strength from deep with you—believing that you can, believing that you will. There will always be times when even though how much you tried; your goal is still out of reach. But always remember that there is a time for everything. Some people will call it “in God’s time”. But do not treat not reaching your goal at this time as a failure; you need to refocus and summon your inner strengths to gather momentum.
Paint yourself with the colors of success: Project an image of success. People looking for success want to be around successful people, hoping to pick up a tip or two, and perhaps to have a little of the success rub off on them.
Face the world with optimism. Nobody wants to be around a whiner. You might feel bad inside but you have show the world that you are a person who dwells on the positive side of life. Positive people shine.
Keep moving. Keep working. Keep on towards your goals. Don’t give in to procrastination or discouragement. People will always have bad days, but the way that you respond to bad days will determine if you are bound for success of not. Successful people keep working; successful people keep moving.
A positive and motivational mantra will never fail to lift up your spirits. Choose your favorite quote and internalize it. Write it down and post it in places where you frequent and easily see them—your computer or on your desk—when you are feeling down and getting discouraged, just read it and let it propel you forward
Stay humble or lose all you've gained. Once on the road to success, be sure to spread it around. Teach others how to succeed, give free talks to school groups, but give something of yourself away every day. Karma is real. Whatever you give comes back to you in wonderful ways you can never imagine. Never forget where you came from, and you will never end up back there.
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