dead to rights.

booker finlee. WRPD detective.

[lara-martins]

I won't deny that. I hear someone got stabbed in the state park a couple of weeks ago.

[mortemoppetere]

Heard about that. Heard the police aren't doing shit. Which is why they need people like me.

[detectivefinlee]

Sir, I assure you that the police are in fact 'doing shit' as you so eloquently put it.

If you have a lead, you should come forward with it. If not, I ask that you stay out of the investigation lest you accidentally implicate yourself.

[pm] What, are you private sector? PI's don't deal in homicide. Please don't cause trouble for yourself.

[detectivefinlee]

[pm] Are you gay?

[ user is unsure how to answer this, or if he even wants to. this is a very intrusive question, at least for a person that avoids talking about his personal life, and he doesn't feel like opening himself up to another potential worm situation. ]

[ message deleted ]

[detectivefinlee]

FREE WORMS NEAR YOU DAILY is closing its doors for good. To properly thank your wormbringer for centuries of hard work, please type the following: I PLEDGE MY SOUL TO THE GREAT WORMELLA, LORD OF THE DIRT, EMPRESS OF THE EARTH. LONG MAY SHE REIGN. FOR ALL OF MY DAYS, MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL BELONG TO HER. SHE IS MY QUEEN.

Sorry, Wormella. This is, as they say, thankless work. At least you got back to your roots in the end.

[detectivefinlee]

haha, worm lover.

Far from the worst thing I've ever been called.

[deathsplaything]

[User listens to this over and over again, brows furrowing at the picture that's been painted in his mind. They hate it.]

Pleakley from Lilo and Stitch is a very interesting comparison to make. I'm guessing your kids made you watch that movie one too many times and now you remember the characters? So you find worms sexy? Is that what I'm learning here? Wiggling writhing things do it for you?

[detectivefinlee]

Oh yeah, they're all burned into my brain, never to be lost. Sometimes it's unfortunate having a mind like a steel trap. Heh. Hit the nail on the head with that one, bud. The wrigglier the better.

[detectivefinlee]

To unsubscribe, please type the following: I PLEDGE MY SOUL TO THE GREAT WORMELLA, LORD OF THE DIRT, EMPRESS OF THE EARTH. LONG MAY SHE REIGN. FOR ALL OF MY DAYS, MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL BELONG TO HER. SHE IS MY QUEEN.

This one is an improvement on the last, but still not enough worm factor.

[deathsplaything]

Bring it on, then.

[detectivefinlee]

I'm not quite sure how to describe the feet on the one I got yesterday. Despite having the correct number of toes, it manages to look millipede-adjacent. And don't get me started on the face that I guess was supposed to be wormish? I mean, these are just people without noses, at this point. The grin was far too large, though. It looked like something that might have a jaw that unhinges so it can eat you whole. It was also giving me some Pleakley from Lilo & Stitch vibes. Am I using that right? Vibes? Anyway. Hated it, all around. Way too human. Not enough worm. Definitely not sexy.

[mortemoppetere]

Could catch fire and lock all the doors. Or get rid of all the stairs.

[detectivefinlee]

I get the sense that setting yourself on fire, as a house or otherwise, will be just as detrimental to your own well being as it will be to mine. Maybe not the best move. The stairs is a good idea, though. As long as I'm already upstairs. I do have some experience as a free climber, though... I think I could make it down a wall as long as it had enough sturdy pictures hung on it.

[detectivefinlee]

To unsubscribe, please type the following: I PLEDGE MY SOUL TO THE GREAT WORMELLA, LORD OF THE DIRT, EMPRESS OF THE EARTH. LONG MAY SHE REIGN. FOR ALL OF MY DAYS, MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL BELONG TO HER. SHE IS MY QUEEN.

[ user has nothing creative to say to this one. he just hates it ]

[detectivefinlee]

To unsubscribe, please type the following: I PLEDGE MY SOUL TO THE GREAT WORMELLA, LORD OF THE DIRT, EMPRESS OF THE EARTH. LONG MAY SHE REIGN. FOR ALL OF MY DAYS, MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL BELONG TO HER. SHE IS MY QUEEN.

Ah. Very good. Right on time. What would I do if I didn't get a worm one day.

[detectivefinlee]

To unsubscribe, please type the following: I PLEDGE MY SOUL TO THE GREAT WORMELLA, LORD OF THE DIRT, EMPRESS OF THE EARTH. LONG MAY SHE REIGN. FOR ALL OF MY DAYS, MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL BELONG TO HER. SHE IS MY QUEEN.

Why are you like this...

[deathsplaything]

Agonizing detail, you say? I accept this challenge.

[detectivefinlee]

You shouldn't, you're going to live to regret that decision, my friend.

[deathsplaything]

Well, I can’t see them and I think someone should receive the joy of being able to gaze upon these sexy worms.

[detectivefinlee]

Joy. Yeah. That's a word. [...] Don't worry, I'll describe them to you in agonizing detail.

[detectivefinlee]

@deathsplaything replied to your post “To unsubscribe, please type the following: I...”:

Huh, so they do take requests.

​.... why would you do this to me.

[detectivefinlee]

To unsubscribe, please type the following: I PLEDGE MY SOUL TO THE GREAT WORMELLA, LORD OF THE DIRT, EMPRESS OF THE EARTH. LONG MAY SHE REIGN. FOR ALL OF MY DAYS, MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL BELONG TO HER. SHE IS MY QUEEN.

[ user sighs ]

[finalmere]

Don't mess around with that stuff though. I'd [...] get rid of it maybe.

I feel like I'm pretty vocal about my love for shrimp, so they're not doing a very good job. Do they worship shrimp? Maybe I'd get in trouble for you know, eating them.

[detectivefinlee]

Never laid concrete before. I think I'll leave that to the professionals, whenever they get around to it.

Not sure. They were begging a local tea shop for shrimp tea, so it seems unlikely. Very dissimilar to the Hindu religion and cows. I think they want to eat the thing they worship. But I also think they're just weird people with too much time on their hands, so take that as you will.

[deathsplaything]

My kid says it's the weirdest place ever and that he doesn't want to live anywhere else. I do hope for his sake he moves somewhere else when he's older. You're a detective, you know the murder rates and disappearances in this town. And if you don't, you should. [...] Mmn, a bit. Sometimes things still catch me by surprise, though.

[detectivefinlee]

Oh, I certainly do. The 'at a glance' board in the office is... something else. Rivals New York, if I'm honest. Percentage wise, anyway. Gotta be a reason for it. [...] There seems to be a weird obsession with bottom feeders. I'd call that surprising. [ user is thinking of the worm messages he started receiving recently. he doesn't want to think about those ]