[celticpagan03-deactivated202101]

[silkandfirewordsmith73-deactiva]

[notsoinnocentlittlegirl-deactiv]

Signs Of An Abusive Submissive.

1. Manipulation.

“But if you loved me you’d….” “You love me unconditionally don’t you?” “If you cared about me you’d…” “Dominants are supposed to…” “I’m a little submissive, you control me, so it’s all your fault.” “You hate me don’t you? That’s why you won’t do…” “You are such a dick, why can’t you just do something nice for me, for once.“ 

This is often done by “subs” who are out to use their Dominant for something, often to fulfill their kinky fantasies, and also often to get spoiled. The above phrases are often used to coerce the Dominant into buying them stuff, or participating in sexual play the Dominant is not comfortable with. Please remember you do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with, I don’t care how much tumblr says you have to eat her out or fuck her on her period, or lick his asshole, or buy her those new plushies and shoes every week, if you are honestly not comfortable with this, don’t let yourself get manipulated and talked into doing it.

2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse.

Putting their Dominants down, telling them how worthless/ugly/stupid/dumb/terrible they are, calling them names, and when you get upset you’re told that “it was just a joke.” “Don’t be so sensitive” “You’re overreacting.” “Aren’t you supposed to be the Dominant here?” “You control me so I can’t possibly do something to you you wouldn’t like.” Etc. This often goes hand in hand with manipulation and gas lighting to make the Dominant put up with this kind of abuse.

3. Physical Abuse.

Even if she’s a she, even if they’re 100 pounds and 10 feet smaller than you, if they even do as much as raise a hand at you or threaten to, you are being abused. Hell, even if it didn’t hurt, they are not supposed to hit you. At all. (obviously some couples like to play around a get a little rough and -both people enjoy it-, but I’m sure you all can tell the difference.) Again, if you say that this make you uncomfortable, they will often say things like examples already given. “I thought you were a big strong (wo)man.)” “c'mon, you should be able to take that, baby.” etc.

4. Denying you aftercare.

A lot of Dominants need aftercare too, and many don’t realize it, because for a lot of Dominants taking care of their submissive is their aftercare, but when for some reason this is impossible, Domdrop happens, and it can happen hard. Aftercare is not just for the sub, and if they don’t want aftercare but you know you do, and even after explaining will flat out refuse, it means they don’t care about your well being after an intense scene or session.

5. Refuses to give you any kind of love or affection or care. 

“You’re the Dominant, you should be able to take care of yourself.” “I’m the one who deserves love here.” “You’re too big and strong to be taken care of.” “Why don’t you pay attention to me for once.” “Your problems aren’t that bad.“ 

Affection is so important in a relationship, if it’s something you need, don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you those things.

6. Does not support you in hard times.

When say, a relative dies, you may not be able to be as consistent, you still want to be their Dom and they your sub (or maybe not, thats fine too), but you also need them to support you and care for you in tough times. If they tell you to suck it up and take care of THEM instead, they are again a selfish little bitch that only cares about themselves. Take care of yourself when you need to, and you deserve a sub who will take care of you too.

7. Talk bad about things that are perfectly normally in D/s but that doesn’t fit their abusive agenda.

“Serve you? What. No. I’m a little fragile sub, YOU’re supposed to get ME drinks.” “Beg? I’m too good for that. That’s disgusting, you’re supposed to please me whenever I want you to.” “No, that’s not how D/s works.”

(obviously this is different from a sub who is simply not interested in these things, it’s the phrasing and the reasons behind it.) They’ll always make everything about themselves, and when you bring up something that isn’t specially for them, they’ll guilt you and shame you. They’re only interested in themselves and keeping you under their thumb.

8. Deciding everything without negotiation or regard for your feelings.

They never want to negotiate or communicate, play can only be on their terms, them never letting you actually decide or have a say in anything.

Your feelings matter, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t let yourself get talked into anything. Communication is everything in a D/s relationship.

9. They never obey you, they try to convince you D/s is all about the submissive.

There’s a difference between playful, agreed upon brattiness that’s fun for both parties, and using their Dom for their own selfish needs. This is often done by subs who want you to buy them stuff, care for them, spank them, etc, but they do not want to actually obey or serve you. They just want to use you and take advantage of you. Often times, disobedience is more of a sign of an ignorant or inexperienced sub than anything, but when it is paired with manipulation and other things, is when it crosses the line from ignorance to abuse.

10. You feel like you can’t trust them. They lie often.

Trust is everything in D/s, absolutely everything. If you can’t trust them, you can’t have a D/s relationship with them. If they lie a lot, even seemingly small, insignificant lies, it is a sign they do not respect you. Or they’ve cheated, or you’ve heard bad stories from their friends/co-workers, you’ve found suspicious things, etc. You deserve someone you can trust, not a liar.

11. Every single thing that would be abusive in a vanilla setting, or if you were their child, friend, or sub.

Every. Thing. All those other posts and guides and things online and everywhere that talk about signs of abuse? It all applies here. All of it. Don’t put up with what you wouldn’t put up with if it were any other kind of relationship. Cheating, slapping, name calling, lying, blackmailing. 

There’s so many things that can be signs of abuse. In the end, you’re the only one who can say if you are in an abusive relationship or not, please take care of yourself. Run if you need to, run fast and hard, get a support system, if you need a stranger to talk to, my inbox is open for you. A relationship is about both people, even a D/s relationship. Both people deserve to be happy and have their needs met. Take care of yourself, you deserve love and care, and the submissive you deserve and dream of.

[seekingmyinnerself]

Unfortunately, subs can be abusive too. This time the dom(me) needs to run.

[silkandfirewordsmith73-deactiva]

There’s abusive people on both genders. One has to watch out!

[silkandfirewordsmith73-deactiva]

[silkandfirewordsmith73-deactiva]

It is easy to tell her how you feel, what you see in her, what you wish, what you long to touch in her....but, be prepared!

Be prepared to back everything.....there will be moments when things won’t work the way you wished, there would be moments that will test you, not because she is testing (although, make sure you understand that she is watching attentively).

Be prepared to show in your actions every single one of those “words”.

Be ready. It won’t be easy. People say that it is effortless, but they are idealizing “love”. “Love” is hard work, it is messy, it is not linear, doesn’t have a “scripted” moment, everything is something you didn’t expected and you have to learn to adapt. Miscommunications and moments in which she is insecure and vocal and opinionated and emotions running wild (not in the way you thought), moments of silence and moments when she will want her space and quietness and moments when you feel if she “sees” you.

What you’ll do? Quit?

Endure and keep going and be persistent and be constant. The hare didn’t win the race, it was the turtle. Constancy! Show that all those words are not sporadic and in that moment and forgotten the next, but show her their weight their worth.

Show her reasons to not regret communicating with you. And, remember, every communication is a success, every access to her is a win....and every moment she feels touched (even if you may not see it), it is worth everything. Know that even if it’s not tangible to you, you are moving, you are getting closer, you are reaching to her heart.

At the end, you won’t be thinking of all this moments of wondering, because when she is in your arm, every moment would have worth everything!

[eros-infinite]

[dombruce2016]

Read this again…..💜

[justnotmything-deactivated20200]

☝️

[i-provide-you-defer-deactivated]

What It Means When I Swat Your Ass

You’re mine.

Behave.

I love you.

Look, everyone, this belongs to me.

Later, I’m going to do this much harder.

This part, right here, belongs to me. So does the rest.

I’m in charge.

It’s okay.

Don’t worry, I’m here.

Careful.

[forced-to]

Daddy

[rrpositive]

Make sure your sub knows that they’re the most valuable thing you own.

[inspiration-and-motivation]

[our-flannel-life]

Daddys need help sometimes.

[weed-and-poetry]

[sweetsubrosie19]

[dombruce2016]

Love her even more than you love yourself. Nothing devastates a Dom more than not seeing his collar around his babugirl's neck.....💜

[lilneonbeaver-blog]

💯

[gotinstarblog-deactivated201512]

[half-black-phillip]

I’m so mad because this worked

[britney2007spears]

help me roger

[telanu]

Reblogging myself because

[luthienebonyx]

Reblogging myself because… what was that? Five minutes?

O_O

[walftabburs]

The dentist appointment I was waiting for got canceled because they’re backed up, and they rescheduled it for a much better time/day AND they’re waving my co-pay for the inconvenience. Thanks Roger!

[cologino77-deactivated20240301]

We shall see

[amanbythelake]

🙏

[imsomeonesworld-deactivated2023]

[domgent33629-deactivated2019010]

10  things a Dom expects a sub to know without being told

1. He needs to be the priority. Make him your priority regardless of how horny you are. A true Dom/sub relationship extends beyond sex into all other aspects of the partnership.

2. He has emotions and needs them acknowledged. The internet (and Tumblr is especially egregious in this regard) has created the toxic stereotype of the Dominant as this calm, cold, unemotional Olympian figure who is always as in charge of himself as he is of his submissive. Accept that your Dominant is human, and it is only normal, and that he will occasionally have a moment of weakness, or self-doubt, or — horrors! — shedding a tear.

3. Know him better than others. If your Dominant is having emotional difficulties, or even something as “insignificant” as a bad day at work, you should be sensitive to that, just as he needs to do likewise for you. It’s a mutually-caring relationship after all.

4. Let him control things (including you). That is his responsibility. Yours is to obey.

5. Abide by the rules. Your Dominant constructs various rules, tasks, rituals, etc, for a purpose. That purpose may not always be obvious to you. It doesn’t have to be. Trust that he knows what he’s doing. If you’re not willing to put in the work, then you should do some soul-searching and evaluate how deep (or even genuine) your submission really is.

6. Remember that he is yours. This is always reciprocal. Just as he expects your total devotion and commitment and fidelity, you have the right to expect those things from him. To be clear, this is not the same as taking your Dominant for granted. Just as he has to earn those things from you every day, so you also have to earn them from him every day.

7. Appreciate the work he puts into you, and let him know that you appreciate it. Being a dominant (especially in a day-to-day rather than sporadic relationship) is hard work. Let him know how much it means to you that he considers you worthy of all that work and direction and energy.

8. Be mindful of your respective positions in the D/s relationship. He is your Dominant. Can you be affectionately playful and impish? Yes; any Dominant who doesn’t  relish such from his submissive on occasion has some significant self-confidence issues. Sarcastic or willfully bratty? No way.

9. Give the same respect you get. If he shows you that, despite the way your relationship might look to the vanillas, he holds you in the highest respect, then return that  respect. If you come to the conclusion that he does not hold you in the highest respect, you might want to reevaluate your relationship and possibly move on.

10. Above all else: he expects your submission to be whole and complete and without reservation, save for those things that the two of you negotiate as equals before you offer him your submission (and renegotiate from time to time as the relationship evolves). You don’t get to submit just when you’re in the mood. There are no half-measures.

And on the flipside

10 things a sub expects a Dom to know…without being told

1. She needs to be the priority. She doesn’t want to compete with others. If every woman is hot, she’ll find it hard to stand out….and she needs to stand out.

2. She has emotions and needs them acknowledged. Probably more than you bargained for.

3. She needs you to know her better than others do….if her friends notice she was in a slump, you should notice first.

4. There are some things some of us just can’t physically do…don’t expect her to do something just because your last sub could or you’ve seen another sub do it. Not every sub can take a dick all the way down her throat.

5. Don’t compare her. She’s her own individual. She’s unique. That’s probably why you chose her in the first place. She may not be the hottest sub or have pics of her pink parts spread out for the world to see. But she goes out of her way to be the best in your eyes. Show her that she is.

6. Let her control things. ( wait, don’t let your heads explode here). If you’ve delegated certain chores to her…give her the control to do them. If they are getting done, does it really matter that they weren’t done in the exact way you would’ve done them?

7. Enforce the rules. All the time. Not just when it makes you feel Domly. After all, she’s in this D/s relationship because she needs the structure of the rules. She might sigh or grumble… but rules are partly why she’s here.

8. Remind her she’s yours. Every day. Even if you haven’t collared her, she’s given herself to you. She wants to hear and see that you own her. (Example: a hand full of hair while firmly kissing her will remind her of that…and get her wet in the process ;). )

9. Appreciate the submission she gives you. It takes more for some to submit than just the act of doing what they are told. She might find that she has to submit herself every day.

10. Be hers. Just as she is yours. Let her know that you aren’t just a Dom…you are HER Dom.

These are two separate blog posting yet fitting for one. That way everyone that needs it has both  to understand both sides of the coin. 

[lust-and-erotic]

🖤