Charlotte’s Web @devilsadvcate - Tumblr Blog

I don't want to hope that I'll be understood anymore. I want to be so potent that knowing me is unavoidable.

an original by me

^_^

The wildflowers are trying to grow, but God doesn’t let them.

Generous, God.

God who dictates a lot of things about the flowers, but never their growth.

Never their prosperity, never their happiness, never their needs.

God is good, but doesn’t prioritize me.

Never my skin, never my freedom, never my wishes.

Never enough, but I find a lot of time to love these things.

Generous girl.

#devilsadvcate #writing #poetry #poem #writers on tumblr #joan didion #girlblogging #fiona apple #original writing #sylvia plath #i love you but you don’t understand me #im a real poet

flowerbleedme

My incredibly bleak philosophy of compassion is that we should all pity each other horribly and practice an according amount of kindness.

flowerbleedme

I asked for a pastry at the coffee shop. When I raised my card up to pay, he simply said "you're good." and waved it away. I wondered why. I wondered what made him think I deserved to have my order be free. Sparing me those two dollars.

Sitting down at the table, I remembered the scars on my arm. The universal signifier of "This Kid Needs Help." Maybe his kindness was only out of pity. He saw those and assumed there was some great misery and wanted to offer me some relief. It's generally good to be kind to people who are hurting. But I wasn't hurting that bad.

The thing is, there is some great misery. People generally aren't doing that great. There is a great misery within me and within him and within everyone, and some people notice the pain, some people express it, others don't. But we all suffer from something.

It doesn't matter if someone seems to deserve some relief. Everyone needs it. Everyone is suffering constantly. Some more than others, but still. This Kid Needs Help applies to everyone.

Thirty minutes later, I went to get a second pastry, intending to pay and leave a tip this time. It was the same cashier. As he reached to grab it for me, I saw scars on his arm.

But it doesn't really matter. He'd deserve a tip anyway. Because it's never just us hurting.

lestatfag

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]