Charlotte’s Web

21 , single , Sagittarius , being a vessel for art & love

[devilsadvcate]

I don't want to hope that I'll be understood anymore. I want to be so potent that knowing me is unavoidable.

an original by me

^_^

[warcrimesimulator]

[devilsadvcate]

My laundry’s piling up. My heart is clenching, practicing to grab its freedom

I want so much more

[devilsadvcate]

I am afraid my life is absolutely meaningless. I am afraid of never having the energy to be who i want to be. I am afraid of always disappointing myself. I am afraid of the harm that neglect is causing my body. I am afraid of always repeating the same cycles of shame and insecurity. I am afraid of what it means if i’m a lazy and boring person. I am afraid that i’m wasting my life away. I am afraid of feeling hopeless. I’m afraid of being hated. I am afraid of loving people. I am afraid that i’m an ugly and cold monster. My chest, my right wrist, my back, and my face are hurting more and more these days. I’m afraid im afraid im afraid

I have no inspiration, i have no bright ideas. I have an extremely tight-clenched fist for a heart and im dying to feel good.

[catcrumb]

( hi everyone! it's that time of year again... expect me back sometime in august! in the meantime, consider donating to direct relief for earthquake recovery in venezuala! )

[neverniko101]

who up perceiving and reacting to stimulus

[kissedfawns]

people being mean to you says nothing about you and everything about them

[devilsadvcate]

hey tumblr since ive been gone ive loved and lost a little bit, gotten irrationally angry a few times, and i learned how to parallel park. #whatsnew

[worldscoolest]

[artbylittlebug]

[devilsadvcate]

The wildflowers are trying to grow, but God doesn’t let them.

Generous, God.

God who dictates a lot of things about the flowers, but never their growth.

Never their prosperity, never their happiness, never their needs.

God is good, but doesn’t prioritize me.

Never my skin, never my freedom, never my wishes.

Never enough, but I find a lot of time to love these things.

Generous girl.

[flowerbleedme]

My incredibly bleak philosophy of compassion is that we should all pity each other horribly and practice an according amount of kindness.

[flowerbleedme]

I asked for a pastry at the coffee shop. When I raised my card up to pay, he simply said "you're good." and waved it away. I wondered why. I wondered what made him think I deserved to have my order be free. Sparing me those two dollars.

Sitting down at the table, I remembered the scars on my arm. The universal signifier of "This Kid Needs Help." Maybe his kindness was only out of pity. He saw those and assumed there was some great misery and wanted to offer me some relief. It's generally good to be kind to people who are hurting. But I wasn't hurting that bad.

The thing is, there is some great misery. People generally aren't doing that great. There is a great misery within me and within him and within everyone, and some people notice the pain, some people express it, others don't. But we all suffer from something.

It doesn't matter if someone seems to deserve some relief. Everyone needs it. Everyone is suffering constantly. Some more than others, but still. This Kid Needs Help applies to everyone.

Thirty minutes later, I went to get a second pastry, intending to pay and leave a tip this time. It was the same cashier. As he reached to grab it for me, I saw scars on his arm.

But it doesn't really matter. He'd deserve a tip anyway. Because it's never just us hurting.

[godtrauma]

STAY SAFE!! [ID: the Gilbert Baker pride flag with the words “Happy pride to all those who are unable to celebrate openly and safely. You are loved and seen!” in all-caps black text over it. /end ID]

[depsidase]

[insaneinpink]

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[depsidase]

[nixscriptum]