AtlasBlackPoetry

Random thoughts and writings

[dfmlua]

“He doesn’t like who I’ve become and I see him now through a different lens. Time will do that in life. It’s different when you change with someone in comparison to the way one changes on their own. I like who I’ve become more than the person I feel I’m expected to be. So I’ve decided I’m not going to change or dull my spirit and what will be will be. And I can live with that.”

—r. clark

[dfmlua]

“And my prize is PMDD, a completely misunderstood, cannot find anyone to treat you, mood disorder that isn’t taken seriously.”

—r. clark

[dfmlua]

“Fuck it.”

—r.clark

—l.clark

—atlas black

—the girl who never belonged

[dfmlua]

“I have never felt more alone in my life and it’s my own fault. I asked for this and I pushed people away. The worst part though is feeling this alone when you are in a relationship.”

-r. clark

[dfmlua]

Never ever asking for help ever again.

[dfmlua]

Thoughts

I’m not sure if it is more difficult to feel everything or nothing at all. I wish there was a middle ground I could find.

-r.clark

[dfmlua]

The Invisible Boy

It’s not his fault.

I must pretend he doesn’t exist.

He must remain invisible to me.

Seeing him, acknowledging him,

Is like a million cuts,

Over and over and over again.

It is the knife I’ve pulled from my back.

The bullet removed from heart.

The poison that filled my veins.

The bitter taste of betrayal.

All my broken beautiful memories.

Return the moment I open my eyes.

The second I allow my thoughts to drift.

It is not a pain, or backwards motion I am willing to subject myself to.

And so I’ll keep my eyes closed.

Look right through.

And forget that one invisible boy.

—r clark

[buttonpoetry]

“I got so low I had to look up to see rock bottom.”

—

Andrea Gibson, “Living Proof”

NEW Best of Button playlist! Today’s additions: Andrea Gibson, Jared Singer, & Adrienne Novy! Congrats poets!

[thedailyzen]

Be a student of the world, not a judge.

[dfmlua]

🌏

[dfmlua]

“ Planning for a serious relationship with an exit strategy gives cause not to be in the relationship to begin with”.

— r clark

[dfmlua]

“I am by no means flawless. Instead I am perfectly imperfect and I am absolutely fine with that.”

— r clark

[dfmlua]

What is Taken: A Love Story, For You, and You, and You, and You, For Me

(M)

I loved you first.

My love for you was intense.

Fierce.

Selfless.

Comfortable.

I loved what we built together.

You made me a better person.

You made me feel safe and loved for probably the first time in my life.

You were my Alpha and my Omega.

And when you left you took a part of me with you.

A part I will never get back.

I would never feel safe again.

And then out of no where.....

(C)

Love found me.

And I couldn’t contain the smile it brought to my face.

I could get lost in your smile.

Lost in your eyes.

I loved you for the things you made me discover in myself.

I loved the life we were building.

I loved your sense of adventure.

Then you broke me to pieces.

Literally shattered my life.

I didn’t trust.

I wouldn’t love.

Without closure.

This wound was deep and would take time.

But then.....

(E)

I loved you because you made me smile for the first time in forever.

I loved to watch you work.

With such precision.

I loved the contrast of your dreamy skin next to mine.

Loved your beautiful wild curls.

I loved your laugh and your kindness.

I loved the intensity of your love for me.

Until I didn’t.

You brought a whole new kind of broken into my life.

Fear.

So I had to let you go.

Because we were unhealthy.

Together we self-destruct.

And in a way you refused to release me.

I tried to put the pieces back together.

The remnants of my life.

I didn’t want anyone to bring me anything anymore.

Because they always left with part of me.

I had lost enough pieces of myself.

And then.....

(E)

A friend, simply a friend.

Someone to enjoy dinner with.

Someone to have conversation with.

Watch movies with.

Someone to make me feel not so alone.

Someone kind and decent.

But we had walls we had built to protect ourselves.

And as much as I tried not to, I began to love you.

I was afraid loving you would ruin everything.

So I tried not to love you.

You made me distracted.

And left me yearning for a deeper connection.

Or clarification.

And so......

(C)

The story with no closure presented itself.

A door.

Maybe what I was missing was inside.

I missed the kind of awakening only you could bring.

And so I stepped inside.

And closed the door and everything that was behind it.

I took a chance at love again.

I continued forward.

Happiness returned.

Briefly.

And now here I am in the story I chose.

Dulled.

Muted.

Waiting for something to change.

Feeling loved.

Yet rejected.

Appreciated.

Misunderstood.

Losing myself.

Regaining myself.

Patient.

But this time while I am on the path I chose.

I chase a much deeper goal.

It is so much more important than being loved by anyone.

I chase happiness.

I chase self-love.

I chase simplicity.

I chase peace within.

And no one will ever leave me with less of myself again.

This is my promise to myself.

r clark

[dfmlua]

Selfies

Recently the guy I’m dating asked me why I like to take selfies. I’ve often wondered myself why it is that I like to look at old pictures of myself. I think it’s like studying the human condition. My human condition. It allows me to reflect back and I occasionally see that genuine smile and think to myself, see sometimes you are happy, sometimes you feel true joy, but mostly sometimes you are still able to live in the moment.

[dfmlua]

“One of the worst things you can let life steal from you is laughter”

r clark

[dfmlua]

“Why be a masochist, when you can just walk away?”

r clark

[dfmlua]

“The world has become so loud that sometimes I wish I couldn’t hear”

—-r clark

#theworld #thoughts

[dfmlua]

“When people try to make you feel bad because of their inadequacies....smile, get over it and understand. Why understand? Because you love them”

— r clark