boo.

hey, i'm lauren i'm twenty-six yrs old i feel more real on the internet than i do in real life i love tacos and snuggling

[dhambi]

WHY AM I SUCH A SOURPUSS LOL :(

[dhambi]

If anyone is reading this… Especially if you’ve been a long time follower (like the ones who have followed me the last three blogs i’ve had since 2009)… you know i’m quick to talk about how angry or irritated i can be, but i’ll never talk about how much i’m hurting. which is why i had tumblr in the first place.

i’m hurting again. i don’t know why it’s so hard for me to shed tears. i do maybe here and there to some people but i’ll never talk about it again.

i’m sad. i’m hurting. i just want a hug.

[dhambi]

i hate being upset and needing to spell it out to someone as to why, especially when they’re the reason

[dimpledthings]

that love you give out to everyone around you? you deserve some of that. don’t forget it

[1anonyymous1]

sometimes it just hurts and there is nothing you can do about it

[dhambi]

I cant wait for cold weather to be finally over

[dhambi]

Can’t believe I just turned in my last assignment to community college. fucking finally.

[rohie-deactivated20191102]

girls be like “🥺”

[satansbasturd-deactivated202311]

then wanna be fucked rough

[vxmp4eternal]

^ 😂

[iridescent-dreams]

not to be horny on main, but I just want someone who absolutely adores me

[dhambi]

Big update!!

So far I’ve been accepted 2/3 universities I’ve applied tooooo! I’m finally going to a four year college!

Kinda bummed that certain people i’ve told aren’t excited as i was getting the news. But, I just gotta be happy for myself.

[dhambi]

11-14-20

It’s about 1:30PM and I haven’t slept... LOL. Bruh. I think I was crashing from caffeine last night, which made me so tired... BUT. I think caffeine also triggered my anxiety because I had a mini attack at like... 2AM. And I haven’t been able to sleep at all. Good thing I have work today.... *eye rolling hard af*

I’m working at the DC Bar and today is the MAGA parade/trump rally/anti trump protest shit going on down the street where I am. Wish me luck.

[dhambi]

11-13-20

Do you ever get upset about something, get over it, and then you’re reminded why you were mad in the first place?

I hate asking people for help. For instance, we’re able to enroll for insurances at work, so I asked J to help me out one weekend and when I was there, he just told me I could just do it myself and just choose the best insurance. I was like, okay... And the only reason why I asked was because I didn’t know which insurance company to enroll for. I’m really dumb about that kind of stuff and I just always signed up for whatever I had in the previous years, but I wanted something new. So fast forward to today, all of my coworkers and I are talking about enrolling for the new insurance benefits, J goes, “oh shit i’m supposed to help you out on that”. I probably shouldn’t have done this, but I called him out. I think I just made him feel bad into just doing it for me.

Should I ever complain anymore at this point because I got what I wanted? 

I don’t even know why I ask anyone for help half the time because either I get brushed off or it just seems like a burden. People used to to that to me all the time. I guess as an adult I should figure shit out myself. I’m just not going to try to rely on anyone for anything anymore. Not saying everyone is like this, but it happens and only wanna do whatever it is i expect out of them or want them to do is when i’m upset. Except my brother. He’ll only help me out when he feels like it, but he’s the perfect example why I always feel like a bother.

Another reason I hate asking for help is because people make me feel dumb about it. Like, it should be obvious what I should be picking and choosing all the time. Why does everyone feel the need to put each other down for things they’re not knowledgeable about? I need to be better at it too... Anyway, Maybe i’m just weird about it because I know if someone asked me for help about something they’re just not sure about, I’d just do it.

I’ve been extra emotional the past year because of a bunch of shit happening around me that I had trouble dealing with or being upset about xyz.

I’m also just tired now. I should probably get to bed.

Night, Tumblr.

[frillmag]

[dhambi]

11/9

I was really excited today about buying new clothes, but towards the end of shopping, I got really sad. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been pretty small but seeing clothes not fit right was so discouraging. I hate my body. I’m sure some others know the feeling when something doesn’t fit right because it’s tight in certain places or you’re too small to fit what is “normal”. Im always put down for saying shit like this because i’m not “fat”. Skinny people have insecurities too, man.

I tried clothes on and just had to constantly watch myself get naked and I hated looking at it. I’m having some serious self-loathing behavior right now. Maybe if I go on a run tomorrow, I’ll feel better but right now all I can think is how do I even let myself get naked.... Why would anyone have sex with me ;___; I REALLY LET PEOPLE SEE ME LIKE THIS.

I haven’t taken a really good look at myself lately and I’m really letting myself go. Or maybe ive always looked like this and just never hit me this hard. I want to cry.

Now I remember why I hate going shopping and trying on clothes.

[dhambi]

These two are my friends Brandon & Quinton. Quinton is moving back to CA and it makes me really sad. We drifted apart over the years, but the few times we see each other... We always pick up where we left off like no time had been lost. I wish him the best of luck to this new chapter on his way back home.

Nothing but love for this homie ❤️

[golden-bliss]

[dhambi]

Good luck and very proud of you for going back to school. It's hard when you've taken a long break. I took a couple years of break, but finally graduating this December! :)

Hehe, congrats to us!!! I’m proud of you!!!