@diaanec - Tumblr Blog

i don’t know what i want anymore.

this post is a mess

the whole time i’ve been depressed and unhappy but not accepting that i am because i’ve been trying to justify why i should be. i would be comparing my sadness to others and others would have such tragic things or life changing moments that lead to their depression and i’m over here with literally nothing wrong. does that make sense? i take the smallest things and my mind escalates it into a bigger problem and i over analyze the situation when nothing was bad about it in the first place. i would also find ways to get myself into trouble because nothing that bad has happened to me. like, it sucks. to have everything, but still feel like i have nothing. i would tell someone that i have no friends but they would reply “don’t you have a lot? you just hung out with them.” but i mean, it’s not like they’ve ever genuinely asked me how i’m doing or if i’m okay. some people are just not as excited to see me as they are about other people and i’ve accepted that. yeah i’m always quiet or on my phone, but it’s not like i want to do that the whole time. i want to have fun and interact with others but sometimes with certain people i just can’t connect with them well and i feel like because of that they get bored of me and the only way to actually interact is to take a picture because that’ll show to others that we had fun when in reality we didn’t. like it’s so hard for me. i’ve struggled with acceptance and friendship forever and idk life sucks lol.

okay. my mind just went blank. here’s a rare glimpse of my daily struggle