Finished my TLG re-read and I've been seeing posts circulating coming to Shane's defense in that central conflict, and I am finding them interesting because there's often this tactic agreement in them that anyone else would have picked up that Ilya is going through it, but Shane doesn't because of [insert valid reason I usually agree with].
But...I actually don't think Shane is missing it. I think Ilya has built a pattern of lying about anything that isn't absolutely perfect about his life or interior state, from something as small as not sleeping well to as major as how much he would mind Shane sleeping with other people.
Shane in-text is aware that something is off with Ilya. It's very present in his thoughts that he's missing something, that something is going on with Ilya, that Ilya is withholding things and picking little fights but not saying what the issue is:
And what I think Shane doesn't get credit for is that he asks Ilya about it.
Shane doesn't just ruminate, or barrel on as if nothing is wrong. He tries to engage, he tries to do things to cheer Ilya up and plan things he knows Ilya enjoys. And when that doesn't work he asks, outright and directly, and Ilya shuts the conversation down, repeatedly.
Ilya is deflecting and avoiding the discussion through feigning ignorance, snark, purposefully misunderstanding Shane's words, trying to turn it into a fight, and outright telling Shane not to worry and that he's fine. And to Shane's thought there at the end, how is Shane supposed to force the issue, if Ilya doesn't want to talk about it? What does support in that moment look like, when Ilya won't share what's wrong?
And Ilya is actively aware that he's dodging conversation and withholding the information from Shane. He acknowledges it in both his internal monologue and out loud:
And it's clearly a deep-rooted habit of avoidance.
Ilya recognizes the specific face Shane makes when Ilya us using snark to deflect a serious conversation, aka, it happens so often that there's a recognizable and specific response it elicits. Shane yanks back that bid for connection and understanding the second Ilya doesn't meet it. It's such a habit that even after the plane incident, Ilya can't acknowledge that he might not be okay, when it would be wild to expect him to be okay in that situation (and when Shane clearly doesn't expect him to be).
Even in the Big Fight itself, we see the pattern playing out in how it starts. Ilya snarks and digs instead of saying why he's upset. Shane asks five (5!!) times for some type of help in understanding what is going on with Ilya. And Ilya rebuffs him with passive aggressiveness, snark, purposeful misunderstanding, and bad-faith interpretations of his words.
Ilya is trying to pick a fight to avoid the actual conversation about his emotional states and wants and needs, and he's resenting Shane for not understanding something that Ilya not only never told him about but worked to actively hide from him (something Ilya's own therapist points out isn't reasonable for him to expect of Shane, which. Many people seem to forget in their recollections of the book...)
And how does Shane respond when he learns the shape of what Ilya is upset about?
He feels terrible for not knowing Ilya's emotional state and that he'd been unhappy in their status quo, though he sets aside his own feelings in the name of supporting Ilya in the immediate moment.
And he arrows in on Ilya's self-sacrifice in the name of Shane's happiness as a problem that needs to be addressed, even with others in Shane's life don't seem to recognize it as a problem. Their relationship is foundationally one between equals. Shane doesn't want Ilya giving unequally into it. Ilya lashing out frames it as a balance of 'who has given more', but Shane doesn't want either of them to 'win' the who-can-sacrifice more-for-the-other-competition. He wants neither of them to be engaging in that competition in the first place!
The other piece I think that gets forgotten is that Shane is the one who initially introduces the idea of changing things. They have a plan together (that Ilya actively participated in making!), but Shane floats the idea that they could have another plan:
Ilya doesn't take him up on it, which is fair. But that's a sign for Ilya that Shane is ready to have that conversation (and the reader sees Shane's narration is full of chafing at hiding), one that Ilya misses in his assumption that Shane is perfectly happy in the status quo because Ilya hasn't actually asked:
And importantly, Ilya's stakes have changed. At the end of Heated Rivalry, he communicates that the consequences of being outed are fairly dire in terms of being an openly queer, famous Russian. Ilya through therapy is acknowledging (or coming to realize) that the stakes are different for him now.
But Ilya never tells Shane, who is still operating on 'dire impacts' assumptions in his drive to protect their relationship and keep it a secret. And so Shane doesn't tell Ilya that he is frustrated with aspects of needing to hide their relationship in turn, because that frustration feels like a small price to pay against Ilya's stakes.
They both proceed forward with incorrect understanding of each other, born out of trying to protect the other from their own unhappiness. And it's great, organic, character-driven setup for them both to learn and grow, individually and together within the space of their relationship, and come out the other end stronger.
THIS. i have things i don't like about rachel's writing, sure, but the long game is genuinely great. the conflict feels natural and she somehow managed to make the miscommunication trope work without making it stupid. the whole book is a great character study. anddd the long game ACTUALLY made me believe that ilya and shane would live happily ever after, because despite their many many differences and issues they are willing to put in the work to grow as a couple. very often i see romances where the couple seem great for each other within that story but if i think about it for longer than 10 minutes it feels like they'd break up down the line if they didn't have plot armour. not hollanov though. them being endgame is not just something I'm hoping for, it's not wishful sugarcoated thinking, she makes me believe it.
my point is i love them and i don't like how people are comfortable shitting on rachel. you're allowed to critique her writing, of course, but you're not allowed to deny the fact that she created these characters you love so much they were born from her beautiful mind. the show makes some great choices that greatly improve upon the books but its still a very faithful adaptation. misogyny is not critique!!
“Years ago a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom. There is no way I would ever make it more than two and a half steps down such a staircase, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”
— I Know What You Think of Me, Tim Kreider for the New York Times
after YEARS of seeing this quote online and finding it to be the most deeply and resoundingly profound writing i finally found the source article and absolutely nothing could prepare me for this opening paragraph
Okay, this scene has had me in a full chokehold since the moment it dropped… truly for all the right reasons. Hudson as Shane is doing career-best work here — the eye contact, the soft brown eyes, that shimmer of hurt and longing, the yearning. No wonder it’s his favourite scene.
Shane’s been ghosted for six months by the man who completely captured his attention...and suddenly Ilya is right there again, giving him all this attention. Of course, it hits like a truck. And every rewatch, I fixate on the same thing: the way Shane’s whole face lights up when Ilya looks at him.
That is a man in love, period.
And the way his eyes keep dropping to Ilya’s mouth?? Like he physically cannot stop himself from tracking his lips - hungry, hopeful, a little devastated. He’s missed him so much that he’s practically glowing and trembling at the same time. Shane is being so vulnerable here, and Hudson plays it with this quiet, aching openness that wrecks me every time.
His eyes follow Ilya’s mouth as he pulls away because he wants a kiss so badly he can’t even hide it. He looks glassy-eyed, love-drunk, and so wildly out of his depth with whatever this thing is between them.
This scene has honestly rewired my brain.
Instant addition to my all-time favourite rewatch moments.
Do you think Ilya has developed a Pavlovien response to Shane folding his clothes because Shane folds his clothes before sex, do you think Ilya's teammates call him to go out and he is like "no, Shane is doing the laundry today" and everyone is like what the fuck is he talking about
Jacob Tierney, we need to have a little talk about how you gave Scott and Kip sunlight and GAVE SHANE AND ILYA MOONLIGHT.
The Moonlight Sonata? My Moon My Man??
Just as shining and beautiful but not in the public eye, quieter and softer and more hidden, and also visible BECAUSE OF THE SUN.
I'm freaking out about this ever since my friend pointed it out and you all need to be freaking out about it with me.
And if I wanted to talk about how much I love those moments where Shane shuts down Ilya's joking defense mechanism when he wants to have a serious chat with him? Would you listen?
Like when Shane is trying to talk about what went down in ep 4 when he ran away. And Ilya said he freaked out for nothing and Shane immediately clapped back with, "It wasn't nothing! Don't act like that!" Because he wants to talk to Ilya about them and how he feels.
Or when Ilya's father died and and Shane wanted him to take some more time before returning to the game and Ilya jokingly asked, "Why? So you can catch up in the scoring race?" and Shane immediately says, "I'm being serious." And then he tells Ilya he can talk to him about whatever because he wants Ilya to know that he wants to be there for him.
Or when they're on the way to the cottage and Shane talks about how relaxing the space is. And Ilya playfully says, "Oh is that what we're going to do? Relax?" and Shane says, "I hope so. It would be nice to relax with you for once." Because he wants Ilya to know he just wants to be together with him without being in a rush.
It's true that they have a cute combative type of dynamic but Shane can also tell that Ilya's first line of defense is to make jokes.
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