Drvgon Wvrrior

Got nicknamed when I was little. just here to write down my thoughts because why not

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I’ve found out what my biggest insecurity is.

I talk a lot. And I’m pretty loud.

I’m more insecure about my voice than I am of my body.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

Heyyyyy. Happy new year🎉🎉. I’m back again. Let me give a little update

. I think I’ve finally fallen in love and I genuinely hope it doesn’t end up terribly

. I finally got a new phone. You have no idea how happy i am.

. Finally met my mother after 6 months

. Saw him go the first time and my heart leaped.

. I was just blushing throughout

. Met my friends

. Met my first crush and for the first time, I spoke actual words

. He looks a lot cuter. His accent a lot better.

. I don’t want to go back to school

. Since I got home I’ve been up and about and I don’t hate it at all.

. I love my daddy and I’ve been under appreciative of him and I hope that I’d be able to pay him back for at least quarter of all he has done for me so it means I can’t afford to fail.

. I’ve been reading Quran consistently for a week now and I’m so happy. Also been doing my Askari for a week now

. I want to learn to speak my language this year. Little by little

. I want to learn to drive also and be consistent at the gym and be consistent with tahajjud 3 times a week

. I want to be consistent with fasting mondays and Thursdays too

. I want to be in love with myself but also with a job

I just want to be happy jare. I don’t want to mingle with any minna boy

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I'm back again after a minute. It's the 2nd of December 2025 and It's one of those days I feel down. I'm cuddled up in my dark room and it's 6:44pm.

. I texted nim again about a month ago and idk. It's like the ex's incident is occurring again.

. I met a guy. Jay. He's cool. He's like victor.

. My heart feels heavy.

. December feels so unreal rn. I can't believe the year is ending

. Big bee went for umrah and I'm so happy for her.

. I want to go for umrah.

. I want to be loved completely. I want my efforts for love to be appreciated. I want to be consumed by love.

. I don't want to be on my toes anymore. I don't want to constantly be on my toes.

. I need to change this phone

. I want a camcorder

. I learned how to be a VA. I've been applying for jobs for 2 weeks now. Nothing. Nothing 😔

. Is this how people suffer to get jobs

. I need to prep my resume to apply for masters.

. I hate periods

. I miss my family

. I feel distant from Allah. I hate that feeling.

. I passed council exams. I'm a freaking RN 😅.

. I have a busy year next year.

. I hate that I miss out on the fun that goes on at home but success is pain.

.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I haven't been here in months. Wow. Okay let me give a quick update.

Remember the him I used to talk about, well he cut me off 😂

I met this new guy and even tho he doesn't have anything going on for him right now, he really knows how to speak to me. He listens. He compliments me every chance he gets and if he says sorry he actually means it. He doesn't try to make me look like a fool

We haven't met yet but we've done loads of video calls and he's always blushing when we look at eachother.

I have pre council exams in less than 3 weeks.

I paid for classes

Council is in November

Graduating next year insha'Allah

Momma got a job. Doesn't pay as much as the last one. Curse Donald and Elon

Gained so much weight. Was doing alot of stress eating.

I want to learn a skill.

I want to change my phone.

I want a camera.

My bestie went for umrah. I gave her a list of prayers to do for me

My brother is beginning to grow wings 😭

Tried to start sketching. It honestly gets boring.

I want to learn to do my makeup

I'm beginning to get constant with reading Qur'an alhamdullilah.

That should be it I guess

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I think I might cry with literal tears. Never in my life would I have thought that I could be so happy for someone I'd start to cry.

But it's real. Tears because you're happy for someone is real. And that is the most beautiful thing ever

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in a few days and the dress—yeah, it doesn’t fit. At all. And I knew this a week ago but did I fix it? No. I stared at it like it would apologize.

(Meanwhile) I’m stuck in a hospital (don’t worry, I’m not the patient, just the emotionally unstable guest appearance), and the place is giving “I hate my life” energy. Time is crawling. My soul is bored. My life feels like someone hit pause but forgot to press play again.

And now? Out of nowhere? I desperately want a toast.

Not a toast to the bride.

Not a toast to success.

Just literal hot, crispy bread with butter.

Because apparently, that’s the only thing keeping me from spiraling today.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I met this guy. I fell for this guy. I don't know if it was love bombing or...... I just don't know. Now I don't know if I feel love for him or if he just filled the void of boredom I had. I don't know. I honestly don't know.

Or should I be distant for the weekend and see what happens?

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

A new person comes into my life. We get interested in eachother for 2 days. And what happens next? I say something. I do something. Boom, the vibe isn't there anymore. We're strangers. We barely speak. We barely laugh with eachother. I become alone again. Bored again. I feel unwanted again.

So what do I do? I use violence to fill a void. Maybe I should stop that as well and just be looking at everyone like they're fools. And just be that naive girl that says yes to everyone. That girl that wants to please people. I should just be her.

Can I do that? Can I go back to being that person? Is it even possible?

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

On nights like this, I wish I could smash my head on a wall and die. Because sometimes, I feel like I deserve pain. But at the same time, am I much of a bad person to deserve so much pain????

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

Petty people will always be petty. And I don't think it'll ever change.

Egotistic people will always have a fragile ego and even that will never change.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I should call my dad alot more often. I should appreciate him more. I call him only when I need stuff and that's not fair. I should call him almost as much as I call my mother. I should call him and tell him I miss him. I should tell him he's the coolest father in the world. I should tell him that no one has treated me like a princess in my entire life.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I remember watching Hamilton and I remember Lin Manuel saying "I imagine death it feels more like a memory. When is it going to get to me?....."

Between Friday and Sunday, two people have died. Atleast the ones I know of. One was my patient and the other is my classmate's dad. I'm a bit close to her.

I watched her cry. There was pain. She was in denial. Which started making me think of things I shouldn't think of.

I started imagining my dad's death. I cried. I know my tears aren't due to pain like her's is but para venture it happens? Then what? What will I become? What will become of my soul? What will become of my mother's soul? Or my siblings?

Will I shut the world out? Will I turn cold? Will I kill the spark that made me light up? What will I do? What will I become?

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

Hey buddy. Met this new guy who's also Yasmin's cousin who's also the immediate younger brother of the guy I had a situation with lol.

I wonder if this one would have the same reaction as his brother. Then they'll both be childish fools.

I'm tired. I want to cry. I'm stressed so much my eyes are yellowing. I don't know again and I'm tired.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

Currently in season 3 of Grey's anatomy.

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I know what I want to study for a job. Heck I've even calculated what I would earn but, I haven't started anything.

I want to be financially stable. I want to use this year to earn a lot. I want to change my wardrobe and go for umrah and meet my kind husband

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

I feel empty B. Really empty. I kinda like it but it's really not fancy at all. I have money. I'm roommates with my friends. I'm not being used by anyone's deformed son. My grades are hot 🔥. I don't know about my deen tho. I really don't.

Maybe that's the problem. My deen. But I pray. I read Qur'an even if it's 10 ayahs a day. So what am I doing wrong.

Or is it that I haven't cried yet? Is that it? Crying?

[diaryofadragonwarrior]

It's been a minute bud. Time for updates:

Been obsessing over Jeffery Dean Morgan the past month

Also been obsessed with Pedro Pascal. I even know his full name Jóse Pedro Balmaceda Pascal

Apparently Pedro Pascal's birthday is the day after mine. Yayyyyy. We're soul mates and I want to meet him

I'm in bida currently for clinicals. Hate the town, love the hospital and the nurses and my learning experience

I miss momma but at the same time I don't

I crave success but I'm so lazy

I've been gaining weight and I'm finding it hard to lose and it's killing me

I'm fucking boreddd and it's killing me also. I kinda wish I was chased with a gun (lie but you get me)

I've started talking to this new guy but I'm very sure we're going to end up the same way I did with his brother

Someone indirectly asked for my hand in marriage and we started discussing things we can and cannot tolerate.

I think I got closer to Rabi but not emotionally. Just enough to tolerate her.

So yeah. That's it I guess