Story Time. Finding out I was pregnant with Ezra was hard for me. Not only were we in the middle of a pandemic & civil unrest, @kayidee805 & I were not emotionally ready to have a second child. I was not done giving Ezio my all & I felt irresponsible. Here I was, not ready, bringing another life into the world when I could barely protect one. We explored our options. & when I went in for that first ultrasound (by myself) & hearing that heartbeat, I felt absolutely nothing. I was disconnected, scared, & alone. When we decided to go forward with the pregnancy, I attended ultrasounds on my own until about 20ish weeks. The whole time, I could not find it in me to love more than Ezio. I felt unworthy, a selfish person going through with a pregnancy that at the time did not want. I felt so undeserving. To be blessed with a healthy pregnancy, yet not want it. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Instead of enjoying the pregnancy, it became such a burden. I hated being pregnant again, even to the point of resenting Edgar. After weeks of talking with @kayidee805 & finally bringing it to my OBs attention, I realized, it wasn’t just me. Most importantly, I learned that there were ways to push through it. We just have to push ourselves to make the first move. Things turned around for me when I changed my perspective. Instead of something unwanted, Ezra became the reason why I fought. Ezra became my chance at a second pregnancy, since I found out I may not be able to have another later. Ezra became the little brother for Ezio that would keep him out of trouble. Depression happens at any point in your life & it heightened for me during my pregnancy. It isn’t just you, but a combination of your environment and fear. Whatever your mental health status is or phase in life, reach out to each other. To understand you’re not alone is the first step to conquering those uncomfortable feelings that only dwell if we allow them to. So to anyone reading this, I am here for you. As a friend, confidant, struggling mother, all of it. I am here to help you take that first step. Get help. You are not alone. #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #perinataldepression #ppd #postpartumdepression https://www.instagram.com/p/CPYkA3bAi8jClf1UtbTcnaGKeUiVni_X7PjIVI0/?utm_medium=tumblr
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