Diary of this Mind

olivia 18 hopeless romantic

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I love everything you post

Omg r u joking I stopped posting cause I didn’t think anybody cared 😱

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You were lovely, we were lovely, we were everything

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My phone rang and stupidly for a second I thought it might actually be you

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so I let out my breath and figured it be my last. Sitting on my bed consumed by the thoughts I’d never dare say. I used to be able to hold myself in my loneliness and now it brings me to my knees in a viscous vendetta I cannot escape. I hope you know you were the only one who had a chance at saving me from myself.

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I keep telling people my favourite songs, favourite films, foods, places and suddenly I’ve spat them out so many times to so many new people that they become meaningless. Suddenly I am reciting a script to the next person who decides I’ll be their temporary fix.

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Realising friends are toxic is the shitest thing. I have forgiven and forgiven and today I finally lost it. I’m not giving people my time of day when they make me feel like my feelings are invalid and treat me like shit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I go to your house, hoping your touch will save me

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He told me he did nothing wrong. Asked me why I was acting different now that I saw what he really wanted from me. His intentions full of bullshit I never asked for

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I watched one of Brandon Calvillo’s videos on YouTube with Toddy Smith and at 8:19 they talk about how they subconsciously used to want drama to happen or something ‘exciting’ because everything in their lives was too good.

And they would romanticise about sadness and losing people. And then when it actually happened it was so shit and they wondered why they put themselves there!!!!!??!

I have been doing this for my whole teenage life and they summed it up so well.

GO WATCH & tell me what you think!!!

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I met someone new. I pray to god he’s nothing like you

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I am tormented by what if’s and maybe’s, wondering if it would’ve changed me

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I wanted love but it did not want me!

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I walk alone, as if somebody willed it so. Revelling in time, pretending it’s a sign. You go your way and I’ll go mine, acting as though we’re both fine.

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Loving me is a privlege not a right

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She told me “go home you’ll feel better”, but I shook my head whispering that “I watched my home walk out the door...that I didn’t know what home was anymore”

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I’m sitting listening to the rain, wishing you were not just in my heart but here in my arms

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I feel oddly alone. I wonder whether this feeling will last forever or if I will ever get accustomed to the loneliness that seeps through my bones

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