And again and again and again...

To live is to suffer, To survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. [[ Private rp blog. Sideblog to ophy-in-wonderland. Also a remake of diebeskunst ]]

[aimlesslymaverick]

Allowing himself to be pulled closer, Maverick’s arms wrapped around Daelan’s waist. The warmth radiating off the other provided comfort in more ways than one. A small breath drew from his lips as he settled more comfortably into his arms. Being held isn’t something he was used to. It felt nice. 

Blue hues glanced up at Daelan as he watched the snowflakes. Silently, he wondered what was on the other’s mind. Both of them had tendency of losing themselves in voices and memories- even if only for a passing moment. He painfully assumed neither of their minds wandered to anywhere good.

The abuse they both suffered created a tragic, unspoken bond between the two. The mannerisms Daelan possessed, Maverick had as well- occasionally acting as if they did not belong to themselves. His mind drifted to the thin lines still on both of his wrists and ankles. Visions of his father and his childhood flooded his mind. Shutting his eyes tight, he buried his face in Daelan’s chest for a moment. He attempted to will the memories away from his mind and focus on the heart beat thumping rhythmically in his ears. 

Daelan’s voice interrupted his thoughts as he looked back up at him. The pained expression slowly relaxed into more of an amused expression. He found Daelan’s protectiveness endearing. “I’ll dress warmer if we come back out.” He promised.

They stumbled back toward the door and he carefully walked them back into the cabin. Releasing his hold, he closed the door behind him. Lifting his hands up, he gently brushed the snow out of Daelan’s hair. His eyes softened into a caring gaze. A warm crooked smile formed on his lips. “I am?” Maverick wrapped his arms around Daelan again as he rested his head on his shoulder. “Could say the same for you.” He spoke in a whisper.

[diebeskunst]

Daelan didn’t know that he was actually able to care for a person before. At least not when it didn’t was for the sake of his own survival. Everything had always been done for that. Sometimes when he got scared of getting too attached to Maverick he’d tell himself that he was also just using the man for a roof over his head. But it was a lie so bad it was too easy to see through it. Especially for a master liar as Daelan was, he could not lie to himself so.. he tried to not think about it.

In the moment he was happy, in the moment everything was okay, in the moment he could concentrate on maverick, run his fingers through the other’s hair when he buried his face in Daelan’s shoulder to escape demons the assassin could not slay. His chest tightened in a way that made breathing difficult, made him want to run but also made him stay at the same time.

Finally inside the cabin again he shivered, shook slightly like a dog.. he didn’t like that thought, not at all.. and bit down on his bottom lip. Looking into the sky blue eyes of his friend, before his eyes closed at the short and gentle touch of his hair. And before he can even think about it his hands had caught Maverick’s curled around his fingers as he opened them again. To stop the touch, to look into his eyes with a certain fear. A fear of the feeling in his chest and stomach, especially in moments like these. Craving affection.. he didn’t know if that did ever anything good for him. Feeling attached to a person reminded him of his past. He had loved his master, begged for his affection and touch. But it had been wrong, tainted.. this was not.. not wrong, not tainted but slowly came too close to those feelings and at the same time were entirely different.

Daelan didn’t know for how long he had just held Maverick’s hands, looked into his eyes like he hoped to find an answer there, something, anything to calm him down. But finally he started to move again, smiled softly and raised the man’s fingers to his lips to kiss the fingertips softly was a gentle smile.

He let go of them, accepted the hug and gently placed his own arms again around him. “Yeah.. you are special like that. Bringing out sides in me I didn’t know I had.” he chuckled, nuzzling his face into Mav’s hair and neck.

“I’m not a good person Da’Abelas..” the words so quiet they were even hardly a whisper, more of a sigh, a soft warning he didn’t truly dare to speak out loud.

[aimlesslymaverick]

As the wind howled wildly through the trees, the warmth of the cabin became increasingly more appealing. Being in an high altitude made the winter a lot colder than it would be if he didn’t live half-way up a mountain. 

“Well, this isn’t the coldest it’s been up here. I grew up in the mountains. You get used to the cold after a while.” Used to the cold or not, Maverick couldn’t stop his body from shivering. Momentarily, he remembered winters when he was a child. Sometimes, the mountain made it nearly impossible to travel if the snow had gotten too deep. Being stuck in the house with his abusive parents for days sounded worse than hell. So, he would always run away the day before there was supposed to be a big snow storm. In the cold, he’d wake by himself all the way to the Indian reservation. He would stay with a sweet older lady who cared for him until he decided to go back home Everyone always asked about the bruises covering his body, except for her. She didn’t question him but rather cared for him. She had been the only warmth he knew as a child.

Daelan’s arms rescued him from his restless thoughts. Not used to gentle touches, Maverick’s body tensed in uncertainty- bracing to be hit, out of habit. Of course, Daelan never did. Mentally noting the touch to be a hug, he relaxed in his arms. He welcomed the warmth the other provided. Another violent shiver spread through his body as the wind picked back up.

“Maybe, you’re right,” He murmured reluctantly. “It is too cold.”

[diebeskunst]

Daelan stayed silent as Maverick seemed to wander the paths of memories. Not exactly knowing if he should stop it, or if that’d startle the man more. 

As he felt him relax he pulled him closer to his chest wanting to share more of the warmth that always seemed to radiate from the thief’s body. It was a weird fact, that he felt cold so fast, but still never actually had cold skin.

Brown eyes watch the falling snowflakes, starting to think about it himself. Winter, what it meant to him.. in a weird way it meant freedom. Since in the always warm place it had been cold chains, cold hearts.. a cold life. 

“You can dress appropriately later and then..” he blinked, then laughed at his own words, shaking his head as he slowly started to walk backwards towards the door again, pulling Mav with him in a weird double penguin walk.

“I am starting to sound like some overprotective mother hen.. you are doing weird things to me Da’Abelas..”

[diebeskunst]

@aimlesslymaverick​

The beautiful, quiet snowfall created a certain happiness in Maverick’s heart. The temperature had fallen below twenty degrees Fahrenheit, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to go inside. A strong gust of window caused a violent shiver to go through his body. As if Daelan noticed, he heard his concern voice call for him. Putting his hands over his arms in an effort to keep warm, he acted as if the cold wasn’t bothering him.

“S’not that cold.” Maverick attempted to speak convincingly through chattering teeth.

Daelan came from a hot country, one where temperatures rarely fell below the freezing point. Even hardly getting into the category where one needed to get a coat. And even though he had already wandered colder regions since quite a while he still never really got used to it.

“What’s your definition of cold then?” he replies, mouth curved down to signal a certain disbelief as he stepped closer to Maverick that was standing in front of their home. (How weird it was to call a place home, he wasn’t too certain he liked it.. being tied to a place..) He was wrapped in one of Mav’s blankets and at he finally stood behind the man he opened his arms, the corners of the blanket in his hands. And as he carefully (always carefully like he was worried to break the man that had taken him in, like some fragile glass sculpture) wrapped his arms around him in a hug, he also wrapped him into warmth.

“But it’s pretty, I’ll give you that.”