Digital Dissociation

'No one gives a fuck about my nightmares, But it's nothing you should worry yourself about.'

[digital-dissociation-blog]

7/5/19

1:00am

Yesterday/Today (because havent slept yet so technically my day hasnt ended) was...boy. Very... odd. Never thought that would happen.

Lost another lb.

Gonna just smoke some weed while I play the sim. Maybe I’ll have some low calorie soup.

[tikipeople]

Low Cal Fast Food Pt. 1 ; McDonald’s

Okay, so everyone seems to like these quick master posts about low cal fast food here we go with an in depth analysis: [DISCLAIMER: Only American calories for now, unfortunately. I need to research for other countries]

Qualifiers: For food, if it’s below 300 calories, I consider that to be relatively low. For drinks, anything lower than 200.

Breakfast Options:

- Fruit n’ Yogurt Parfait ; 150 calories, vegetarian (my personal go-to, and yes, that count includes the granola that comes with it)

- Fruit and Maple Oatmeal, no cream ; 290 calories, vegan (meant for a heartier breakfast where you actually need energy for school or something)

- Egg McMuffin, no cheese, no butter (say low quality dairy gives you the shits idk) ; 220 calories

- Egg White Delight McMuffin, no cheese, no butter ; 180 calories

**If you want to not be extra and order the Egg McMuffins with no cheese, but with the butter, the Egg McMuffin is 240 calories and the Egg White Delight McMuffin is 210

Burgers:

- Hamburger ; 250 calories

- Cheeseburger ; 300 calories

- Hamburger, no patty, extra veggies ; 170 calories, vegan

Chicken & Sandwiches

- Chicken McNugget 4 pack ; 180 calories (1 pack of ketchup is 20 cal btw)

- Chicken McNugget 6 pack ; 270 calories 

- Filet o’ Fish Sandwich, no tartar sauce, no cheese ; 270 calories, pescatarian

Salads:

- Bacon Ranch Grilled Chicken Salad, no cheese ; 260 calories (DOES NOT INCLUDE RANCH DRESSING, KEEP THAT IN MIND)

- Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, no cheese ; 290 calories (this one comes with a glaze, but I don’t know if it’s the same as dressing?? someone hit me up with the right answer to this)

- Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, no chicken ; 220 calories, vegetarian (also comes w glaze, still not sure what’s happening with that. idk)

- Side Salad ; 15 calories + dressing of your choice, vegan

Snacks & Sides:

- Kid’s Fry ; 110 calories (not vegetarian/vegan in the U.S.)

- Small Fry ; 230 calories (still not vegetarian/vegan in the U.S.)

- Apple Slices ; 15 calories, vegan

- Yoplait Go-Gurt, Strawberry Flavored ; 50 calories, vegetarian

Desserts & Shakes:

I know it’s not low calorie, but the lowest calorie milkshake at McDonald’s is a small vanilla milkshake at 490 calories, just for your information.

- Vanilla Cone ; 200 calories, vegetarian

- Kiddie Cone ; 45 calories, vegetarian

- Strawberry Sundae, no peanuts ; 270 calories, vegetarian

- Baked Apple Pie ; 230 calories, vegan

- Strawberries and Cream Pie ; 300 calories, vegetarian

- Chocolate Chip Cookie ; 170 calories, vegetarian

- Oatmeal Raisin Cookie ; 140 calories, vegetarian

Drinks

- McCafe French Vanilla Iced Coffee ; Small: 120 calories, Medium: 150 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Caramel Iced Coffee ; Small: 140 calories, vegetarian

- Fanta Orange ; Extra Small: 120 calories, Small: 170 calories, vegan

- Coke ; Extra Small: 110 calories, Small: 150 calories, vegan

- Diet Coke ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- Sprite ; Extra Small: 110 calories, Small: 150 calories, vegan

- Iced Tea ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- Dr. Pepper ; Extra Small: 120 calories, Small: 170 calories, vegan

- Diet Dr. Pepper ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- McCafe Strawberry Banana Smoothie ; Small: 190 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Mango Pineapple Smoothie ; Small: 200 calories, vegetarian

- Sweet Tea ; Extra Small: 60, Small: 90, Medium: 110, Large: 160, vegan

- Powerade Mountain Berry Blast ; Extra Small: 70, Small: 90, Medium: 120, Large: 170, vegan

- McCafe Coffee ; 0 calories at any size, vegan

- McCafe Latte ; Small: 170 calories, vegetarian

- McCafe Iced Coffee ; 130 calories, vegetarian (only comes in 1 size)

- Fat Free Chocolate Milk Jug ; 130 calories, vegetarian

- 1% Low Fat Milk Jug ; 100 calories, vegetarian

- Minute Maid Apple Juice Box ; 80 calories, vegan

- Dasani Bottled Water ; 0 calories, vegan

@shitididntthinkthisthrough

ALSO; if you have a fast food place you want to see low calorie options from, please message me, I’ll be happy to make a list for you!!

[digital-dissociation-blog]

7/4/19

4:55am

My heart has been palpitating so much. It thumps so hard it hurts. Happens several times in a minute.

Im still tired af.

Haven’t weighed myself, have to wait a few more hours.

My stomach hurts, just gonna smoke and watch mukbangs. Don’t have the urge to binge but thank god we never have food in this house.

[digital-dissociation-blog]

7/3/19

9:20am

I feel like fuck. My head hurts. My stomach is killing me. Stress ulcers maybe?

My heart has also been acting up again, every anxiety pang gets my heart to skip and palpitate. Which unfortunately is way more often than not. 

Wondering if my iron is low, got that stupid blood disorder that ruins everything if my eating is ‘off’.

I’m also shaking a bit, my hands are just shaking lightly.

Just going to smoke some, calm my nerves, and try and rest.

It’ll pass. Time passing is inevitable, this won’t last forever. I just gotta tough it out.

Fucking tired.

[digital-dissociation-blog]

7/2/19

10:20pm

6lbs down in a week so far, pretty excited about that.

370c for dinner, the only meal I eat.

Half a bowl smoked,

In such a weird fucking mindset today, I don't understand. I don't understand this feeling in my chest. What are you trying to tell me?

Slept 5 hours today, but not very good.

My mother is talking to and potentially dating a man I'm not very fond of, I hate it.

What is this fucking feeling engulfing me? 

[digital-dissociation-blog]

6/29/19

2am

3lbs down in a week

300c for dinner

Half a bowl smoked,

played saints row for hours to numb my mind

So tired, but slept over 12 hours

So tired. Gonna attempt a 24 hour fast today

I feel alone no matter what I do

[digital-dissociation-blog]

Bash in my brain

And make scream with pain

Then kick me once again

And say we’ll never part

I know too well

Im underneath your spell

So darling if you smell

Something burning

It’s my heart~

Take your cigarette from its holder

And burn your initials in my shoulder

Fracture my spine

And swear that you’re mine

As we dance to the

Masochism Tango!

[digital-dissociation-blog]

I cant scrub off the black from my lungs i cant wipe pff the taste from my tongue

what was it like to feel in love

[digital-dissociation-blog]

i want my lungs to ache with bathwater wash my dirty soul with soap

[digital-dissociation-blog]

hiding secrets in the wishing well

[digital-dissociation-blog]

youll never know and ill never tell

[digital-dissociation-blog]

[digital-dissociation-blog]

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusive parents force you to hide things you would otherwise never have to worry about hiding, because you learn that they can flip out about anything, make a scene from anything, misunderstand one detail and go insane over it. So you don’t tell them about anything you can avoid, and you try to deal with things yourself as much as humanely possible, which takes the burden of taking care of you from them, and onto your shoulders.

This is dangerous as well because you don’t tell them about a friend who did something horrible to you, you don’t tell them about a sociopath who tried to groom or touch you, you don’t tell them about horrifying heartbreak you feel when someone abandons you, you don’t tell them when your world is falling apart because you know that at best, they’ll be uninterested, at worst, they will tell you it was your fault and you deserved it.

Living in secrecy becomes normal and when you develop trauma symptoms it once again feels like it’s your fault because you never said anything, you never told them how much they were hurting you, you didn’t speak up and open up about your problems. But how in the world would you? You know if you had, all that you would get is insults, blame, threats, guilt and shame thrown in your face, how could you possibly take that on top of having trauma symptoms? You can’t, it’s not worth risking. Suffering in silence becomes your only survival option, and you watch your heart break a little more every day that nobody cares that you’re breaking apart.

[digital-dissociation-blog]

Update

Have a nasty viral infection. They didnt tell me what it was but im sure its Herpangina. Fever rollercoaster, havent been able to eat or sleep in 4 days, sores all in my mouth and throat, swollen nodes and body pain. Shit sucks. All I want is my fp but hes extremely busy with work and school and we hardly have been talking at all and I just miss him so so much..Its hard for my brain not to scream im being abandoned and forgotten. I love him so much I dont want to be left behind..I wonder if he even misses me too..? Does he even think about me..?

[digital-dissociation-blog]

Welp im ill :)

Got a 103.1 fever, so fucking cold with chills, dizzy af, double earpain, sore throat, a weird gross thing on my right side of my throat ew, painful nodes on both sides, andddd a migraine 👌🏻😊 Fuck

[fuzzyghost]