Cristina

mommy, wife, violinist, vegan, painter, poet. introvert, curious, observant. love, be love, give love, think love. love.

[diglove]

[diglove]

I have a few days that go by and I feel totally fine. I realize I don’t need you. I don’t feel as attached. I realize I am getting farther and farther away from you and at one time that was sad, still kind of is, but now it’s mostly good. I want to be farther from you. I want to feel you less in the skin of me and the mind of me. So I am glad.. but then I have moments like this where I just fucking miss you. Like insanely miss you. I think bout trying to contact you. I am so glad I deleted your number and erased any trace of your number for this reason. I am also glad you actually listened to me and have not contacted me.. although I feel you will soon...

For now though, I am glad. Because in these moments I would want to reach for you and  I do it out of weakness and comfort. I miss you. and us. And being around. And hearing you talk about all your ideas and discussing them with you... blah blah blah..

but it doesn’t matter. because when I don’t feel this way I am glad to not be talking to you anymore. you are selfish. and hurtful. and also a liar.. to some extent.. so I am glad you are gone, but that doesn’t erase the fact that I do still miss you and I do stil think about you sometimes late at night and I wish I could talk to you about what’s going on with the band and Nairah and me and hear about whats going on with you and all the good things..

it’s weird though... because i’m glad at the same time.. to be moving on.

I feel weird being single though.. i haven’t ever really been here before. this is a really new experience for me, being married and with someone for 7ish years and then jumping into something with you right away i really didn’t get a moment to be alone.. so here it is. the moment and it is good and weird at the same time. i like the loneliness of everything.

 i really like going to do things by myself.. i always have.. i just haven’t always HAD to. i always had an option for someone else to be there.. so doing things alone isn’t eird, but doing them alone ALL the time is. i miss having someone there to talk to all the time about life and goals and philosophy. i have friends.. mainly my band... lol. and they are great, but they don’t know all the things about me and i wouldn’t tell them.. they know me as much as i let them in and feel comfortable. i miss having someone know me though. all of me. and knowing what i mean when i say things.. like really knowing and understanding me..

i was thinking if i would want to start another thing. would i want to let someone in? and it’s been a good long 9 months or something like this since we split up and i still don’t want to start another thing. you jumped into one. its so weird. how? how can you do that?? anyways... i can’t. i’m not ready.. also i feel tired.. because i am doubtful things will last as long as i want them to. i don’t want to start something that isn’t going to last. i am an idealist.. i want to strive for perfection. even though i know perfection is an ideal.. it does not exist, but i read somewhere that if you aim for the sky you might hit the lamp post, but if you aim for the ground you’ll just hut the ground... so i always, in everything i do aim for the sky.. i know i may not get there but that is still my intention.

knowing that is my intention and also knowing reality.. that things don’t typically last... i don’t want to do this.. i don’t want to invest my love and energy into someone and it not last.. its not worth it to me. the pain of leaving and splitting and missing.. its not worth it to me... i’m tired..

thanks for reading..

[lsleofskye]

Under the Sea

[launch-me-into-the-frickin-sun]

The Jellyfish Nebula, a supernova remnant 5000 light years distant

[arijandro]

[brutalismtoday]

[typhlonectes]

280 Million-Year-Old Fossil Reveals Origins of Chimaeroid Fishes

Discovery allows scientists to connect the last major vertebrate group to the tree of life 

Date: January 4, 2017 Source: University of Chicago Medical Center

High-definition CT scans of the fossilized skull of a 280 million-year-old fish reveal the origin of chimaeras, a group of cartilaginous fish related to sharks. Analysis of the brain case of Dwykaselachus oosthuizeni, a shark-like fossil from South Africa, shows telltale structures of the brain, major cranial nerves, nostrils and inner ear belonging to modern-day chimaeras.

This discovery, published early online in Nature on Jan. 4, allows scientists to firmly anchor chimaeroids – the last major surviving vertebrate group to be properly situated on the tree of life – in evolutionary history, and sheds light on the early development of these fish as they diverged from their deep, shared ancestry with sharks…

(read more: Science Direct)

illustration by Kristen Tietjen

[infinite-flow]

[gifak-net]

[lindsayrapp]

[litwltch]

Stay centred in love and feel the universe within.

[aspiritualwarrior]

Remember the emphasis on the heart. The mind lives in doubt and the heart lives in trust. When you trust, suddenly you become centered.

Osho (via aspiritualwarrior)

[rexisky]

The Greatest Puppeteer by Paula Belle Flores

[aspiritualwarrior]

Don’t get attached to moments. Good or bad, they all pass.

Yasmin Mogahed (via aspiritualwarrior)

[feel-better-yoga]

Via Aloyoga.com

[diglove]

I want to brush the dreads I have out.

They aren’t very thick but they have been forming for a year or so.. this will not be fun, but I want to keep my curls.

[diglove]

Here is my band Metanoia. <3 I hope you like Feel free to share.