“Oh, HELL no! Not in MY bed!”
“We watched some horror movie.. I think it’s called, ‘the Teletubbies..’?”
“Pants are just an illusion.”
“Shut the fuck up a pikachu onesie does so suit me.”
“Hey, man, I hate to tell you this, but I think your dog’s cheating on you..”
“Hey, the cat crashed your car.”
“I thought today was your birthday, so I rented a bouncy house, but then I remembered it isn’t, so now we have a bouncy house.”
“It’s not a mattress, it’s my kingdom and you are encroaching on it.”
“[NAME]’s a VIP at that one strip club….. What’s it called again… ‘Golden Corral’?”
“I have to tell you a secret…”
“You think it’s important that I lost my shirt?! You think it’s important?! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S IMPORTANT!!! CALLIOU CAN’T FUCKIN’ TIE HIS SHOES!!!”
“I need at least seven sweet and sour sauces or I’m fucked.”
“I was pretending to be a ninja and the blade of the knife just flew right off and broke the window.”
“Look, man, I didn’t mean to pee on you.”
“Thanks for letting me room with you… By the way, vodka makes me gassy.”
“You want to go to Taco Bell?”
“I lost [NAME]. Have you seen them?”
“Wow, you look so much better when I’m drunk. You should try it more often.”
“I CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT A LULLABY!!”
“Hello, 911? Are you still awake?”
“Jesus told me to do it.”
“I’m really sorry I’m so creepy everybody…”
"This is awful. I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole.”
“How many nutrients do you think there are in dog biscuits? I already ate, like five.”
“HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET SO TALL? WHAT THE FUCK?”
“Hamsters have feelings, too..”
“Who convinced me to come here?”
“The dog looked so lonely.. So I took it home.”
“I’LL PROTECT YOU! I’M BATMAN!”
“Look at all this snow. Imagine if it was sand, but still cold. No wait, warm snow. Man, that’d be cool..”
“You’re not very hot, but maybe after another beer or two..”
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izzy806
tangentwithtanner
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
pixelskylines
2087
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