Title: “The Great Nando’s Heist”
Summary: When the boys discover that their favorite Nando’s location is closing for “renovations” (read: being replaced by a health food café), chaos ensues. Determined to save their sacred chicken spot, Louis comes up with a foolproof plan: break in, “borrow” the secret peri-peri sauce recipe, and blackmail the franchise into staying open. Naturally, nothing goes according to plan.
Excerpt
The plan was simple. Too simple.
“Right, lads,” Louis said, spreading a crumpled napkin on the hotel table like it was a blueprint for the heist of the century. “Here’s how we do it. Liam, you’re the distraction. Your job is to ask for kale wraps until the staff is so annoyed they’ll forget we’re even there.”
“Kale wraps?” Liam looked offended. “I have dignity, you know.”
“Do you?” Harry muttered, leaning back in his chair with a smirk. “You still say ‘brilliant’ unironically.”
“Focus!” Louis barked, smacking the table. “Zayn, you’re on lookout. If anyone suspicious shows up, give us the signal.”
“What’s the signal?” Zayn asked, half-interested as he painted his nails black.
“Something subtle, like screaming ‘RUN!’ and pointing at the door.”
Niall raised his hand. “What about me?”
“You’re the getaway driver.”
“YES!” Niall punched the air. “Wait, can I bring snacks?”
“Sure,” Louis said with a shrug. “But only Nando’s snacks. We’re on brand here.”
Harry squinted at the napkin-turned-map. “And what’s my job?”
Louis gave him a devilish grin. “You, Hazza, are the sauce thief.”
The night of the heist was a disaster waiting to happen, but Louis was confident. Too confident.
“Alright, everyone knows their roles,” Louis whispered as they huddled outside the Nando’s back entrance. “Liam, you’re up.”
Liam strolled in, head held high. “Hello, fine people of Nando’s,” he announced loudly, slapping the counter. “I’d like to talk to you about kale wraps.”
The staff exchanged confused glances. “We don’t sell kale wraps,” the cashier said.
“Exactly!” Liam said, wagging a finger. “And that’s the problem!”
Meanwhile, Zayn was outside, completely engrossed in his reflection in the glass. He adjusted his hair for the fifth time and muttered, “I should really try a middle part.”
Inside, Harry had successfully located the peri-peri sauce vault—aka a cabinet with a very rusty lock. “I’ve got this,” he whispered to himself, pulling out a hairpin. He’d seen this work in movies.
Five minutes later, he was still jiggling the pin while muttering, “Why isn’t this working?!”
Behind him, Louis was attempting to climb into the ceiling vents, having insisted it was “the most dramatic way” to enter the kitchen. Instead, he got stuck halfway through and began shouting, “I’M WEDGED! SOMEONE PUSH ME!”
Niall, sitting in the getaway car with a bucket of wings, heard the commotion and sighed. “Every time,” he muttered, stuffing another piece of chicken in his mouth.
By the end of the night, Louis had been rescued from the vent by a very unimpressed firefighter, Harry had accidentally spilled peri-peri sauce all over his hair, and Zayn had entirely forgotten his lookout duties because he got distracted by a stray cat.
The boys were banned from Nando’s for life. But on the bright side, Liam did get a free kale wrap…from the health café next door.
Moral of the story? Don’t let Louis plan anything ever again.
