Gays with Opinions™

I've been yelling for several hours

[discourseboyfriends]

Eat a hairless ball

Actually I’m more into bears so is the hairless thing negotiable?

[bakugouwu]

do you guys think that trans men realize theyre men and immediately their brain just becomes misogynistic and like a cis man or

[bakugouwu]

trans men are literally raised as women, and are also literally trans. how do you actually believe a person who goes through both the female and trans experiences would just turn into a misogynistic cis man oppressor lol. you should actually talk to a real life trans man and ask him about his experiences instead of basing all your thoughts about trans men on the black and white "kill all men" stance made up in your head

[discourseboyfriends]

I'm not like tryna start anything I just genuinely want to know what you have against hesbians. It's always seemed harmless to me b/c some people are just uncomfortable with their assigned pronouns and lesbians in particular have always had a complicated relationship w gender. If you don't feel like answering could you direct me to some resources maybe ?

Wolf: Okay so there’s a LOT in the tag “lemon discourse”, but some more thoroughly articulated ones I’ll put here since the tag is pretty lengthy:

1, 2, 3, 4

Some day I hope to expand on this point, but for now all that I have the spoons to add is that “going by he/him but still identifying as female” is literally what most TERFs want trans men to do. There’s plenty of TERFs that misgender trans men or insist everybody that fits their definition of “female” use she/her pronouns, but I have seen countless TERFs that actively encourage afab people to use whatever pronouns they want so long as they don’t “try to pretend they aren’t female”. I’ve seen countless support blogs for “ftm lesbians” and “dysphoric women” or “trans butch cusp lesbians” (not meaning trans women who are butch lesbians, but saying that there’s overlap between being a trans man and being a lesbian). I’ve seen “ftm lesbians” with TERF blogs that interact ritually and positively with cis TERFs. I just... I can’t stress enough how much TERFs fucking LOVE he/him lesbians and how much they use it to abuse trans men. I can’t tell you how many TERFs have called Lamb and I he/him lesbians.

Just a warning ahead of time that I’m probably not going to answer anything else we get about this. If I do, it’ll be after some discussion between Lamb and I. We have a lot of great asks that I’d love to publish, but the death threats and suicide bait can genuinely start to take a toll considering we’re both mentally ill and struggle with self harm and suicidal ideation on the daily without others encouraging us to do so anyways. I don’t say all this to guilt trip you, anon, but just as a general thing.

[discourseboyfriends]

Not-so-friendly reminder that if anyone pressures you into deep throating when performing oral sex they are a garbage person.

No matter if it’s a homegrown penis, a surgically created penis, or a synthetic penis. No matter what your gender or sexuality is. No matter what THEIR gender or sexuality is. No matter your relationship dynamic.

If you say “hey this isn’t fun for me, and I don’t enjoy it” and they keep pressuring you or outright saying that you have to, they’re trash! They’re behaving in a sexually coercive way! Deep throating doesn’t need to be present during a blowjob, and it largely wasn’t expected or heard of until around the 70’s when a popular pornographic film popularized it.

And to be clear: If you like deepthroating? Cool! If you like being deep throated? Cool! If you pressure your partner into sex acts that they don’t enjoy because it’s “part of giving/doing x sex act]? Not cool!

[discourseboyfriends]

Hey how are y’all doin? Its been a while... hanging in there?

Lamb: Yeah, we’re trucking along!! Our life has had ups and downs a lot but we’re starting to climb out of any bad holes we were dropped in. Thank you so much for checking in, that’s so sweet. ❤️ I hope you’re feeling good as well! We’ll get back to posting sooner or later, haha! Life keeps us busy.

Wolf: Pretty much what Lamb said! We’ve actually been putting more time and energy into caring for ourselves. We’re gonna come out of quarantine fucking ripped lmao, Lamb’s abs are making me into an even bigger homosexual than before (plus most importantly we’re healthier physically and mentally) so our life is going well. I’ve put a lot of posts in drafts that I want to rb or add to when we come back, but I’ve been waiting on it for whenever Lamb is ready purely because I know that the negative attention can get overwhelming for him at times.

Overall we’re still here though, and if you send us asks we’ll totally respond! Thanks for checking in 💖 this was so unexpectedly wholesome

[discourseboyfriends]

Since I’m here, I do have an opinion I want to say.

Setting up boundaries because a certain gender makes you uncomfortable due to past experiences is very valid! You should absolutely be allowed to! What rubs me the wrong way is when it’s specified as “Cis men/cis women don’t interact. Trans men/trans women can interact.”

It makes sense in posts that could be entirely centered around the trans community, that’s when it makes sense to say it! It doesn’t make sense when you’re putting that as a general DNI on your blog because...Trans men and women are still men and women. You’re separating us from the concept of man and woman by doing that. Gives me bad vibes, not gonna lie.

[satanfemme]

some people on this site …… are homophobic :/

[satanfemme]

people on this site will see a gay or gnc man and be like “what a slut lol! what a nasty whore! this is literally so nsfw they’re such a sexy sexy slutty bitch lol!!”

people on this site will see a gay or gnc man and be like “oh my precious gay baby uwu, it’s our little q*eer icon, my little helpless gay son, my little baby, he’s so cute and innocent, too pure for this world uwu”

people on this site will be like “my gays, my gay son”

people on this site will see a gay/bi man be like “yes he said point blank that he’s attracted to men but he never used the words ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual’ so you’re being homophobic for daring to assume that someone like that is anything like you”

people on this site will see a gay/bi or gnc man and be like “have you considered that it’s actually really super homophobic to insinuate that this man might be anything other than cishet?”

people on this site will see a homophobic caricature and be like “what a gay icon!!!!! I think it’s really funny when he’s high and drunk all the time, we stan a disaster gay!! And that part where he enjoys being tied up, and says ‘daddy’, and gets horny is sooo funny!!! What a funny hilarious relatable disaster gay (he’s so hot!)!!!”

people on this site will see a homophobic caricature and be like “but it’s good representation, stop complaining!”

people on this site will see a fictional gay couple and be like “I ship it! ok so this one is super gentle and small and weak and cute and innocent and is the girl and can do no harm because he’s a precious little innocent baby bean uwu! and this other one is super aggressive and strong and big and manly and is the man and is kinda mean but it’s ok because he’s also super overprotective of his little itty bitty boyfriend and is also really horny XD. Anyway here’s my fanart with 100k notes, and as you can see: one of them is just a dainty little flower twink in a dress and the other is twice his size and a bara!!! I love my gays!”

people on this site will be like “twink is a slur, twink is a slur, twink is a slur, also [celebrity who isn’t in any way shape or form a twink] is a TWINK!!!1!!! XD”

people on this site will be like “anyway q*eerbaiting is really good and woke actually because there needs to be more male friendships, gay men already have enough attention representation they don’t need any more”

people on this site will be like “anyway q*eerbaiting is really good and woke actually because I don’t headcanon these characters as gay and would rather not see them as gay, gay men already have enough representation they don’t need any more stop complaining”

people on this site will be like “ANYWAY q*eerbaiting is really good and woke actually because why would you want to see them fuck on screen? why would you want to watch them be nasty and fuck on tv where my children might see it? and their relationship is so deep and emotional! gay men could never have a deep or emotional relationship nor a relationship that didn’t revolve around nasty gay sex and that’s why they can only be friends on screen, also gay men already have enough representation they don’t need any more STOP COMPLAINING”

people on this site will be like “if you hate the q slur and don’t want to be called the q slur you’re homophobic”

people on this site will be like “don’t call yourself a faggot, that’s homophobic”

And people on this site will say all this and then turn around and be like “homophobia is over. cis gay men are so privileged, they’re hardly even lgbt queer at this point :/ stop complaining” 

[bering-strait-deactivated202005]

Story time: I’m a trans guy. I have an identical twin. We’re both tall, androgynous, and have naturally deep voices

In high school a rumor was spread that one of us was trans. For years, everyone in school had convinced themselves that my twin was “the trans one”. She rolled with it to keep me safe, and said it felt like a compliment to be mistaken for a trans woman since she looked up to a lot of trans women. That didn’t stop the bullying, but it’s easier to deal with when it’s directed at the wrong person. I’m engaged to a feminine cis guy who is several inches shorter than me. I have 20-30lbs on him and I can dead lift him. He’s more delicate and soft both physically and socially. He cries during sad movies, owns half a million stuffed animals, and clings to my arm when he’s nervous or it’s cold out (oh yeah, also he’s adorable) Whenever the topic of being trans comes up, cis people tend to think he’s the one who is trans. Direct all “what do your parents think?” comments onto him. Completely ignore me. Ask him invasive/transphobic questions about his body. Tell him “you pass so well!” through grit teeth. Like with my sister, I get pretty pissed about this, but there’s not much I can do about it. I have had to argue with cis people to establish the fact I’m trans because they don’t believe me & think I’m joking. they’re like “but he’s - no, she’s trans!” and frantically point fingers at my fiance and sister. Because there’s no way an adult cis woman could be taller than 5′9 and choose to be bare-faced, and an adult cis man could love How To Train Your Dragon 2 with a fiery passion, enough to watch it 3 times in the theatre.  Terfs take one look at us and try to convince my sister she’ll never have a uterus or that she’s “appropriating women’s spaces”. Transphobes say my boyfriend will “always be a girl” and call him gendered slurs. They talk over them, block them, and grill them about what genitalia they have online. Completely unknowing that they’re talking to two cisgender people who are gay and gnc. @ young, closeted, scared trans people: any cis person who insists they can somehow “know” your “birth sex” by looking at you because “it’s so obvious!” is full of shit. people come in all shapes and sizes regardless of gender. Not only are they being transphobic, but they’re being homophobic too.

[discourseboyfriends]

Ok female

So we’re saying that someone being a woman is a good reason not to listen to them? That’s what we’re saying?

[discourseboyfriends]

I think my favorite thing is that back when people were hardcore blowing up at us for talking about certain subjects we were accused of only having such agreeable notes because we "purposefully blocked people who dissented" (truth being that we blocked transphobes and suicide baits/death threats) but I just peeped at the notes of a post that tried to call our blog out a while ago and like... their notes are ALSO full of people agreeing with us, with only like 3 people disagreeing. I love that.

[discourseboyfriends]

Ah yes...Because us, two trans men, would view other trans men as women using male pronouns. Seems perfectly logical. Yes. You've done it now, you found the secret.

-Lamb

[vomitago]

i saw post that responded to the problem of bi women being abused by their boyfriends at such a high rate with “haha dont you know that men are ‘Like That™️’??? maybe you shouldn’t date them lmao. and if youre mad ur dumb💁🏾‍♀️💅🏾” like that doesnt put responsibility on them not to be abused.

[vomitago]

like theyre still attracted to men. they should be able to expect better from them. men are not just ‘like that’. these men can do better. there is something wrong with these men and it shouldnt be normalized.

[vomitago]

radfems: *given the expectation to show women abused by men compassion *

radfems, about to let bi women down again:

[vomitago]

oh yeah and radfems saying that they shouldn’t talk about it to other lgbt ppl bc ‘why you bringing your heterosexual experiences into a gay space lmao???’ and not something more understandable like “im simply not comfortable with you talking about your trauma in detail.” whats more important to them is these women’s relationships with men and not comforting them as survivors of abuse.

they have decided that the safest way to live their lives is a life divorced from men, but they have also decided that any women who havent made that choice should have seen it coming, theyre just facing the consequences if they have been hurt and they shouldn’t come to them for comfort or support.

[invaderzimmo-deactivated2020061]

cuz they don’t care about loving women. they just want to hate men

[oodlenoodleroodle]

Human brain is a pattern-matching miracle-machine. If you have been traumatised by a particular type of person, your brain is EXCELLENT at spotting that kind of person and blaring the alarms. If you (personally or your ancestors in case of inherited trauma) were hurt by a man, your hurt brain will tell you that men are dangerous.

This is brain weasels. Trauma gives you brain weasels. Living by your trauma brain’s rules is no way to live. This is why people who have trauma need help from mental health professionals. And of course it is awful that it happened to you (or your people) and of course you have coping mechanism that seem to have kept you safe. But it is no way to live. The trauma brain needs to be healed. The brain weasels need to be got rid of.

But instead trauma brain weasel thinking is spread online as jokes, or worse, as praxis. :(

“i was hurt by men so therefore it is 100% reasonable to live completely separate from men because if anything were to happen again it would be my own fault for allowing men close, because I know they are all dangerous, and if I can keep myself safe then so can everyone else” <– This is trauma talk go see a shrink oh my god

[discourseboyfriends]

Not in argument to the above statement, but staying in a similar vein while reshifting focus a little bit; men aren't your guinea pigs while you work on your trauma (if you choose to).

If staying away from men is the best way for you to heal then do it! Leave us alone!

If you want to try and reintegrate men into your life though, remember that men aren't an acceptable recipient for your collateral damage. Don't enter relationships of any sort with men if you know you're going to have trouble treating them like human beings.

This means that if a man is talking about a woman that abused him, your trauma isn't a valid reason to play devil's advocate for his abuser on basis of her being a woman.

This means that if a man is upset and processing his anger in a healthy way, your trauma isn't a valid reason to shut him down and tell him that he shouldn't be allowed to feel anger, because his anger is inherently violent and abusive because he is a man.

This means that ND (specifically autistic, but other nuerodivergencies as well) men are allowed to miss social cues, get excited, accidentally infodump/interject in the middle of you speaking, realize their mistake, and apologize and try to do better in the future, and your trauma isn't a valid reason to lecture them or make fun of them on basis of how their ND symptoms/behavioral patterns are "actually" toxic masculinity, misogyny, or mansplaining.

You don't get to belittle, bully, mock, or tear apart the men in your life. You don't get to shame the bodies (including the genitals of) of men, not even cis men, and use your trauma of men shaming your body as a valid excuse.

If you want to try to be around men then cool! I'm glad that's part of your healing process! But please just leave us alone if the other options include emotionally (or otherwise) abusing men.

I could go off into more specifics and more detailed "what ifs" but I want to recognize that this post is originally about how radfem rhetoric/female separatism affects bi women and not entirely derail from that, but I feel like it isn't said enough (in these social circles) that men exist as their own beings independent from women's wants.

[tabbythekouhai-deactivated20201]

You know, as a girl with autism, I never liked it when other girls and women do the thing where they make fun of men. Sure, you can keep talking about sexism and “punching up”, but that’s not what I hear. Because I know what girls and women make fun of guys for doing. They make fun of them not talking about feelings. They make fun of them for missing social cues and not reading between lines. They make fun of them for talking too much about what interests them, as a result coming off as condescending. Well, I tend to do all of that because of my autism. I don’t readily show emotion or talk about it. I don’t always read between the lines and catch social cues. I have talked too much about my interests to the point where it may come off as condescending. (And as a side note, whenever I have been talked down to or felt condescended to, it was usually by a woman.) So when women and girls make fun of guys, I feel like collateral damage.

[tabbythekouhai-deactivated20201]

Bringing this back because I’m in That Mood again.

[thorlaks-apprentice]

I’m a guy with autism and ADHD, I have these issues too.

[tabbythekouhai-deactivated20201]

Yeah. What I intended to say is that when girls and women make fun of men for displaying such behaviours, it is often rooted in ableism. Hence not only do men get made fun of, but neuroatypical people too, even if they aren’t men. People shouldn’t make fun of people in general, but sadly it seems that the only way we can have some girls and women stop this behaviour is it we bring up how it affects other women.

[thetinyspinosaurus]

Can we stop pretending that being constantly negative about men and boys is cute, quirky or funny, because it’s really none of those things, it’s gross and mean.

[ratvents-deactivated20180822]

I feel like a lot of people don’t want to ask questions they have about gender/sexuality to LGBT people because they don’t want to offend them because we talk about cishet people asking stupid or intrusive questions a lot

But actually when you’re questioning it’s really helpful to be able to ask some ‘stupid’ questions although you’re too afraid to

So can y'all LGBTQIA+ people reblog this if you’re totally fine with people asking questions about your gender/sexuality, as long as they do so respectfully

[gncfemale]

again I ask: how can genderists believe that sexuality is about being attracted to genders while also believing that you can’t tell someone’s gender from looking at them?

[gncfemale]

like seriously I’m curious: if ur a lesbian attracted to only woman-identifying people: what if ur attracted to a transman before you know he’s trans? when u find out do u just… stop being attracted to him? or do u cease to be a lesbian?

and, based on your standards, aren’t you being cissexist by assuming that every person you see identifies with the gender they present as?

I have so many questions but it all boils down to the fact that gender is fake and the only kind of sexual attraction that makes sense is attraction based on sex.

[quetzalcoatl-privileged-blog]

Omg….e x a c t I y

[discourseboyfriends]

Do you guys not account for the fact that you can find a trans woman attractive, not knowing that she’s trans? Or? Do you do a genital check before finding someone attractive? If you think a girl is cute and it turns out she’s trans do you lose your gay license?

[kuhweerz]

Another delusional TRA who thinks that we can’t tell a troon when we see one. No amount of artificial hormones, Wet-N-Wild™️ brand lipgloss, and thigh-high socks will ever cover up obvious secondary sex characteristics.

[discourseboyfriends]

With what metric as a reference? What values make up the acceptable range of these characteristics, in your opinion?

The markers of womanhood are based in racism and neglect of intersex individuals. Give me a single indicator of cisness that isn't based on dyadic, eurocentric standards and we'll talk.

[butchfeminist]

when self identified trans gay men write long tumblr posts about how yaoi fangirls are homophobic and fetishize homosexuality

[darthlesbian]

@discourseboyfriends The fuck you blathering about

[discourseboyfriends]

Ok terf