Discovering Reality

allison ann. love. joy. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self control. and the greatest of these is love.

[theclotheshorse]

It may not be Vermont, but an Irish autumn isn’t so bad… #quietinthewild#upandautumn#sgiew_autumn#thewildernesstonic#thewildernessinyou#thisautumnlife#autumntreasures#autumn#ireland — view on Instagram http://ift.tt/2zjK1pS

[psych-facts]

A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.

Christopher Germer (via kvtes)

[discoveringreality]

Hush, Be Still

Hush, be still

You won’t; you will

Back and forth and back and forth and

It seems like you’ll never land

No matter how much you plan

No matter how much you play the game

You’ll always be the same

But look back and what do you see?

You are so different than you used to be

Yes, still similar struggles are still here

But look at how much better you can steer

Don’t give into that way

Judging yourself day by day

Forgetting the growth and the good 

Always thinking you should, you should, you should

See what the Lord has done

Hush, be still, and look to the Son

You have all you want right there

Let go and rest in your Father’s care

[discoveringreality]

A glimpse

How many of us are walking blind?

I used to think that it was black and white

That goats were blind and the sheep had sight

But on this earth, we all struggle to see

We get a glimpse but lack clarity

Most don’t want to open their eyes

Because it is hard work to discern truth from a lie

Questioning messes with our reality, our comfort, our sense of self

So we let ourselves be deceived and make lies our wealth

We all in our blindness tempt others to sin

Not realizing we are giving evil a way in

It takes courage to challenge what you thought you knew

No one can continue to look like the world and be made new

The Holy Spirit is our source of hope for he helps us to see

Only with true sight can we know our identity 

[discoveringreality]

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.

Deuteronomy 33:12

[discoveringreality]

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Prov. 4:23

Jesus is concerned with your heart first and foremost, and His standards are contrary to America’s standards of success. Jesus does not judge based on profession, how long you are able to work, how much money you bring in, or your outward appearance. Jesus does not judge at the surface like humans do. It is no wonder that Jesus was always meeting with the sick, brokenhearted, poor, and ostracized. He went to the people that were told by their culture everyday that they were lacking. He went to the despised tax collectors and prostitutes and people that were disabled and begging on the streets. When you are broken and feel like you are not what your culture wants you to be, it is easier to recognize your need for a savior. We do not need to judge ourselves the way the world does and strive for greater independence, riches, and self-focused accomplishments. We spend so much time working to obtain our ideal outward appearance and outward accomplishments and so little time fixing our heart on Jesus Christ. It is our heart that matters, and the more we look to Jesus, the more we know how much he values our hearts reflecting his heart. We need to stop judging ourselves based on the world’s standards and recognize our need to live fully with our heart fixated on Christ. 

[discoveringreality]

        La La Land, Wicked, and The Last Five Years all display the same conflict between ambition and love. Each story has central characters with big dreams. Dreams that are not centered on relationships, but dreams that are focused on grand ideas and accomplishments. I watched La La Land this past Saturday, and The Last Five Years the previous day. Wicked has been my favorite musical soundtrack since the fifth grade, and I have been longing to see it displayed on broadway since then. I know Wicked and The Last Five Year’s soundtracks by heart, and I throughly enjoyed watching La La Land and wanted to see it as soon as I heard about it. As you can imagine, this conflict between ambition and love has been on my mind the past few days. It has made me question my ambitions and dreams. It has made me want to further explore the idea.

       In each story, dreams come true at a cost. There is loss with success, and the loss is always relational love. In the Last Five Years and La La Land, it is the loss of intimate romantic love, and it is the loss of a dear friend in Wicked. This conflict between love and ambition has captivated my thoughts because I often find myself conflicted in a similar way. I care deeply about relationships and connection, but I am also driven and accomplishment oriented. It is common for me to be debating between spending my time building a relationship or working on the next thing on my to-do list. I think the message that dreams come at a cost is one worth thinking about in the context of your personal life. It makes me ask myself questions about what I am valuing and choosing to spend time on. It has made me question whether my dreams and aspirations are worth the things that I could potentially lose as a result.

      I have always dreamed of making a big impact. One of my first dreams was to be a missionary in Africa and Australia. I have two birth marks on my right thigh that are shaped like Africa and Australia, and I thought that God gave me those birth marks as a sign that I was supposed to go to those places and tell them about Jesus. I was probably five when I told my mom that dream. Over the years, I have had many dreams, but all the dreams that I’ve carried with me are dreams that allow me to inspire and create positive change. In each dream, I deeply and significantly impact lives, and I am needed. My experiences are validated in how they allow me to connect to and help others. In some ways, I think my dreams are good, but I have also questioned my motives for wanting to help inspire positive change. Sometimes I have to ask myself: Am I trying to prove something and does it have to be as big as I am picturing? I also have to remind myself that there is so much I do not know or understand, and that my understanding of what is best might not be God’s understanding of what is best for me or the person that I am helping. I have to remember that my ambition to help others on a grand scale might not be as great as I think if it causes me to sacrifice important relationships and roles.

          With every choice that we make, we are shutting the door on something else. Sometimes those choices seem minuscule in their consequence, and sometimes they seem so significant that we are paralyzed in fear of making the wrong choice. I do not think it is healthy to become so afraid of the potential loss of a choice that we are paralyzed, but I do think it is important to analyze your reasoning for thinking one choice is better than another. As a follower of Christ, I am aware of my need to pursue Christ’s kingdom and not my personal gain. I believe that a follower of Christ should always have God’s kingdom in mind, and the fact that their life is no longer their own. Those thoughts guard believers from choosing self focused ambition over Christ’s love. Ambition is defined as a strong desire to do or to achieve something. Ambition is not a bad thing, but it can be when it is not surrendered to God and his claim on your life. Even in my desire to make a meaningful impact in others’ lives, I am aware that the desire has the potential to be self-serving if I am focused on my ability and insight instead of God’s power, and my inability to accomplish anything on my own strength.  

       In all the musicals I mentioned, the characters are living for themselves, and ambition always wins. I believe ambition wins in most worldly scenarios because ambition is more inherently selfish than love. In order for a loving relationship to last, there has to be comprise and sacrifice. In each musical, characters are forced to make the choice between sacrificing some of their ambitions out of love for another, or scarfing the relationship for their individualistic success. In each story, characters choose themselves. They win, but they lose. The song “Thank Goodness” in Wicked displays this dynamic perfectly. Glinda sings near the end of the musical:

That's why I couldn't be happier

No, I couldn't be happier

Though it is, I admit

The tiniest bit

Unlike I anticipated

But I couldn't be happier

Simply couldn't be happier

Well - not “simply"

Cause getting your dreams

It's strange, but it seems

A little - well - complicated

There's a kind of a sort of : cost

There's a couple of things get: lost

There are bridges you cross

You didn't know you crossed

Until you've crossed

And if that joy, that thrill

Doesn't thrill you like you think it will

Still -With this perfect finale

The cheers in the valley, who

Who

Wouldn't be happier?

So I couldn't be happier

Because happy is what happens

When all your dreams come true

Well, isn't it?

       Choosing between personal ambitions and love holds unique challenges for women in contemporary society. It is communicated to women that they should be able to have a thriving and successful career and be a loving wife and mom with all the traditional expectations of both of those roles. Women also feel the pressure to always look put together and to maintain an active social life. I know that many mother’s work and have children, but it is impossible to ignore the struggle to fully embrace either role. If you want to raise your children yourself, you career will be comprised more than the women and men that do not have children to raise. It just comes down to time. I can’t be the mom that is available for their children, and the CEO of a nonprofit organization that supports abused women. I have always dreamt of my ministry being my life. When I say ministry, I don’t meant that I have to be telling people about Jesus. Whether it is counseling, working to support a cause that I am passionate about, or advocating for those with disabilities, I have viewed the way that I help others as a ministry. I have never been very excited for motherhood because I have seen it as something that would keep me from being able to put the time and energy into ministry that I have imagined. My health struggles and dependency on medication have caused me to become doubly aware that I have limited energy to put into ministry and motherhood. With that being said, I do recognize the beauty and deep love in becoming a parent, and sometimes I allow myself to be excited by the notion. It is important that I am aware of the costs in focusing on motherhood and the costs of focusing on ambitions. I want my heart to sing “All Glory Be to Christ” in all of my choices. The song, “All Glory Be to Christ,” is a beautiful reminder that it is all about Him and that we should always chose what will give him the most glory, and ask Him to help us discern. The first verse of the song says: “Should nothing of our efforts stand/ No legacy survive/ Unless the Lord does raise the house/ In vain its builders strive/To you who boast tomorrow’s gain/Tell me what is your life/ A mist that vanishes at dawn/ All glory be to Christ!”  

[discoveringreality]

Danced to "Born Again" by Josh Garrels.

I love dance. I need dance. I am not particularly proud of this dance, and I do not think it is skillful or technical. I know that I can move to the beat, but I feel unexperienced when I compare myself to anyone that would call themselves a dancer. I don't dance because I think I am good at dancing or because I want recognition. I dance because my soul needs to. I am sharing this because I think my love and passion for improvisational dance is beautiful even if I don't spot well in my turns or kick my leg very high. I improvised this entire dance and decided to let the music inform me how to move in each moment. I love this song and the artist, Josh Garrels. It feels very real to me that my savior and enemy are both trying to take my soul, and I love how this song displays that no matter how fierce the battle gets, my Savior has already won and given me new life.

[discoveringreality]

Again, accept yourself. Apart from sin, which you have forsaken, there is nothing about yourself of which you need to be ashamed. Cease to vex yourself about anything over which you have no control. Keep your heart with all diligence and God will look after the universe!

A.W. Tozer

[discoveringreality]

the emotion

i feel so much. i feel so much. i feel so much. this has been my life since going off antidepressants. i’ve always had a lot of feelings. i’ve always been a sensitive person. it just isn’t as controlled anymore. i think a part of me has always been afraid of my feelings or has viewed them as a weakness. yesterday, someone I love asked a question about feelings. this person asked if some people have more feelings than others, but in order to answer that question, semantics had to be addressed of course. what is a feeling? her answer was a heart reaction. my immediate thought was that feelings cannot be separated from thoughts. people think of feelings as natural or instinctual. most people that I know seem fairly out of touch with understanding their feelings. i don’t think people understand or think about feelings very much at all, but they dominate so much of our actions, relationships, and worldviews. my counselor really helped me in this area. she taught me to value and listen to my feelings. she taught me that i didn’t need to rationalize and shove them away. feelings tell us something. they are tools that help us become more self aware of what is actually going on in our hearts and minds. they are not to be feared or pushed against. they are responses to our thoughts and beliefs. that is why two people can go through the exact same situation and have entirely different feelings about the experience.

this is important to me as i learn to cope with my thoughts and feelings off antidepressants. lately, i have been struggling a lot with feelings of rejection and failure. i honestly think those two feelings and fears can help explain a lot of the struggles i have faced in my life. there is nothing that has consistently kept me in bondage than my fear of not measuring up. when i feel overwhelmingly overcome with restlessness and frustration, it is coming from thoughts and beliefs. these thoughts and beliefs are often hidden beneath the surface, and I may or may not be conscious that I even have them. when i sit down to think about it, I know that my feelings are in part due to in-grained beliefs that I am unaware of. for example, i have been believing that other people’s opinions of me affect my value as a person. one of the main reasons that I feel restless without a job at home is that I believe I will be more worthwhile and successful with a job, and a large part of that belief comes from an understanding that others will view me that way. self-awareness is extremely important and necessary for growth and change to occur in one’s life. it is not natural. it is a skill that is strengthened with practice, and feelings are an important tool within the process of developing self-awareness. i might go back to this later, but it think it is good for now. god is good. he loves me and is working for my good in all situations. these are the type of thoughts that i want dictating my feelings. goodnight tumblr. it was nice writing again. it is cool that jon encouraged me to do this. i admire how much he values creativity. i value him. i want to have healthy thoughts about our relationship. our thoughts deceive us and are often influenced by lies. it is important to be wary of the validity of our thoughts because they inform our feelings and actions.

[wanderlog]

Stevens Pass

[discoveringreality]

this is what my soul has been craving.

[talkmentalhealth]

Everyone has “mental health” because we’re highly evolved animals with big, complicated brains, and we all have undulating reserves for the stresses of life. As Mark Salter, a consultant psychiatrist, told me recently, “becoming mentally ill isn’t a full stop in a sentence – it’s a comma”. No one is 100% “well” all the time, but unless the stigma is challenged with openness the wider conversation will never change. Anyone who has experienced mental health problems will remain “other” and we’ll stay stuck in awkward loops of shame.

Should you tell your boss about mental illness? Absolutely Eleanor Morgan (via talkmentalhealth)

[discoveringreality]

This is a picture of old discarded wood that is of no use. This represents how the mentally ill are treated like discarded material that is of no use, however, with some investment and creativity this old pile of wood could be recycled into something useful, productive, and even beautiful again. The mentally ill can recover and lead successful lives with some investment and care. We need to advocate for more services and treatment for those suffering from a mental illness, so they can recover and live productive, useful, and beautiful lives. -Tamiko #photovoice #waystationinc #advocacy (at The Way Station )

[discoveringreality]

My Fourth of July was spent well. #rockclifftrail #nature #explore (at Newport, Rhode Island)

[discoveringreality]

It's blueberry season. #no filter #yummy #summertime (at my backward)

[discoveringreality]

I get to take therapeutic walks around a beautiful city for my internship. #downtown #frederick #waystationinc (at Carroll Creek Downtown Frederick)

[craigtowens]

Meekness loves to learn. And it counts the blows of a friend as precious. And when it must say a critical word to a person caught in sin or error, it speaks from the deep conviction of its own fallibility and its own susceptibility to sin and its utter dependence on the grace of God. The quietness and openness and vulnerability of meekness is a very beautiful and a very painful thing. It goes against all that we are by our sinful nature. It requires supernatural help.

John Piper (via breanna-lynn)