Paraphernalia of a broken mind

[honeybones19]

[disseminatia]

Important

[disseminatia]

Last year

Last year I’ve worked so hard to minimise any possibility to deeply examine my thoughts and feelings. I hardly took any interest in the outside world because I was afraid of having my contribution in it. I feel like there’s little else to me than my mental illness and everything that comes with it. I move through life like a snail: slow crawl with intermittent hiding in my shell like it’s a bunker. I don’t know where the difference lies between responsibility for dealing with mental illness and self-blaming resulting in unnecessary and self inflicted feelings if guilt. There’s certainly a lack of proper public mental health support system that makes me feel like an outcast unwanted by broader society. Sharing my trauma with other people is a paradox: if I don’t, people don’t really understand why I am the way I am, and if I do, people can reject me and distance themselves from me (I’ve experienced this in my past).

I will take lessons I’ve learned in 2024 and try to build my personhood to the best of my capabilities. That’s the least and the most I can do.

[weltenwellen]

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

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I love when other people explain me the shit I have in my head

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[honeybones19]

Curve The Cravings!

Stop cravings during a fast/things you can do instead of snacking:

Drink 5 big gulps of cold water! Do this especially when you wake up, and about an hour before you go to bed.

Snap an elastic on your wrist whenever you start thinking of giving in, then drink 3 big gulps of water

When the urge comes up, clean something with lots of chemicals; the smells will curb your urges

Look in the mirror and focus on each part of your body; what are the things you want to change/make smaller etc (motivation: What if you were actually for real with your fast this time? You’d be surprised how much progress you can make in just one month)

Brush teeth, brush tongue and rinse mouth with mouthwash, spend about 3-5mins doing the whole process. Do you really wanna get your mouth dirtied by food now? (motivation: Your idols would stick it through with this fast and not give into their urges. You’re strong enough to get through this!)

Do 100 jumping jacks, 70 crunches, 40 squats, 30 lunges and 10 push ups; you’ll forget about it after that (or do 10 squats everytime you go to the bathroom)

Look at thinspo/meanspo and motivational texts for 5-10 minutes (don’t give up now, don’t throw away all the progress!)

Do a full stretching routine (start learning splits!)

Go for walk and get steps in (bring water!)

Watch a season/few seasons of a new show or comfort show

Have a sugar free gummy vitamin (they are under 5 cals!)

Have lemon water at the start of the day, or the hours you get urges the most

Do a makeup look

Do full hair routine (pre-poo, wash, hair mask, moisturize, comb, style)

Do full skincare routine (double cleanse, exfoliate, serums, face mask, hair plucking, etc)

Call a friend/family member or film a sit-down talking video (can’t eat when you’re talking!)

Learn/study a language

Research current events

Learn about different histories/politics/cultures

Study Math/science

Journal your feelings (tip: write out all that you’re craving, worries/fears, how your feeling etc on a piece of paper and then destroy paper)

Read (I know your TBR is looong)

Listen to an informational podcast and write down notes

Study Music theory

Practice Instruments, singing and/or music production

Learn a kpop dance

Organize clothes

Organize papers/notebooks

Organize important documents, do taxes and/or organize

Organize social medias

Organize online documents/accounts/laptop folders etc

Go biking

Clean/organize room and/or house

Make a list of things you’ll do/get when you reach your ugw or next gw

Play video games

Study a new skill for career

Practice driving

Write a letter to ugw/gw self in the future

Take photos of nature or things around house (try to set things up to make it look aesthetic, get lighting right etc)

Sleep 😴

You’re in control of how your body looks, YOU decide what enters your body. This month’s choices are next months weight and body