growing+decomposing

[dissociativerabble]

I’d love to see you cry for my help after ignoring mine for so long.

Suicide note excerpt

[dissociativerabble]

And suddenly, I remembered, that I do not care.

Suicide note excerpt

[dissociativerabble]

I wanted you messy in the morning,

while I cooked breakfast and made coffee.

I liked that you like it black

with just a splash of bourbon.

I wanted you in my last-night flannel,

yawning as the door creaked open

while trying to say good morning,

as the dew drops fell to soil.

It’s funny how we say it’s funny,

when it’s really rather painful.

I wanted to talk about existing,

and how beautiful it is.

Your hair betwixt my fingers,

and my lips upon your forehead.

I wanted you messy in the morning...

but you left without a warning

After years of loving each other

[dissociativerabble]

Existence may be crippling

With doubts on all fronts gripping

Careful lines along with stippling

Feel the conscious slowly slipping

Down the slope of your rough heart

All my strings broken apart

And all the bones in creaking limb

The minds a deep pool I must swim

[dissociativerabble]

You’ve been a complete waste of my time, life.

Suicide note excerpt

[dissociativerabble]

Washed up on the shores of your mind and signal fires made you suffocate

You said you’d find me

[dissociativerabble]

Cruise in the street of the grim like it’s home. All my chances are slimming to summit the soul. All my blood cells are brimming yet skin feeling cold. I’m a nervous pile up and I’m pinned to the floor. I’m catastrophe rattled in agony. Highways of tragedy rage in my core.

Let’s go for a drive

[dissociativerabble]

Rock bottom is deeper than I could have ever imagined

Suicide not excerpt

[dissociativerabble]

You will die countless times within yourself before you physically stop breathing

The truth about growing up (4)

[dissociativerabble]

I will be cold I will be withdrawn

You lied to me

[dissociativerabble]

My insides are illuminated Lamp lights and fumigated Your scents and drifting invents Incense and drifting interests

Going amiss

[dissociativerabble]

Carbon based Connection placed You're in the mix My neural fix Perplex the brain Deflect the pain You're on your way I smell your rain And midnight storm Electric form As passive twitch And pleasure pitch Into my ear Connection clear Perplex the brain You're all I hear

I smell your rain

[dissociativerabble]

I don't have anyone to love. I don't think anyone loves me. I exist around and between others. I'm just kind of alone.

Pluto

[dissociativerabble]

I talk until there is no breath left Or at least not one large enough To force out the shortest word In hopes that anyone will take even The same shortness of interest In hopes that anyone even heard But I always end up alone and depressed Sinking into a familiar hole when everyone else can so easily live in their soul Cause all the girls Ive ever loved are getting undressed, settling into bed And I see them in my head Pressed between sheets with someone else that isn’t me, but I still jealously think It should be. I wanna have something all to myself I want to have one thing all to myself I need to know that I can be re-loved I need to know that I’m not as cold as I feel.

Cold

[dissociativerabble]

Sometimes you will spend the whole night not being able to pinpoint why you can’t sleep

The truth about growing up(3)

[dissociativerabble]

So now you're gonna gravel dig your way into the substance what you've started calling soil when you're spinning from the coil crawling underneath your skin inject euphoria, black veins i watch it siphon from within electric fading in your brains i can't tell where your soul begins and where the devil settled in but now i see him in your eyes the lie seduced my lonely friend and all my love and all my effort anything i had to give was busy drowning in the hopes that you'd remember how live but instead you chose to gravel dug your way into the hollow barely breathing on the floor but slurred "i'll be alright tomorrow" and you know i fucking loved you but it got so hard to swallow when you went and met real soil and i tried my best to follow.

real soil.

[dissociativerabble]

You used to fall asleep on my bed or the couch all curled up in blankets With your hair fanned across the pillows And part of your face. And after you had left the next day or whatever, I loved how I could lay back down And the smell of anything could remind me you had been there. I guess it was just nice to know that for a brief moment in time I had someone in my life Someone I was truly connected to. And it was only you. Cause at the end of the day when I crawl drearily on my bed or the couch I don't smell anything Cause no ones been there but me.

My memories of you are fading away