Innerear

[thoughtkick]

“Don’t ever put your happiness in someone else’s hands. They’ll drop it. They’ll drop it everytime.”

— One For Sorrow, C.Barzak

[thoughtkick]

“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.”

— Mitch Albom

[distantmindset]

Well I'm back. What year it's been. Love, loss, and all the battles in between. I wish I could explain it all but it's a whole book worth. I'll be back soon with more explanation but for now just know I'm decent at best.

[destroymylife]

[distantmindset]

Every last bit of it.

[distantmindset]

Man what a whirlwind it’s been. Everything since june of last year has been chaos. I broke my own damn heart to save myself, you could call it hell. Such a lovely place. My best friend went to heaven because of some douche bag. My mental health has definitely suffered to say the least. I feel so blamed, so overwhelmed, so frantic. I just wish i could’ve made different decisions regarding some of them. I know can't change them. Someone come rack my brain of all this nonsense. 

[destroymylife]

[sedraboc]

[distantmindset]

Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you will never want to be again.

[distantmindset]

I just wish you knew that it wasnt your fault. It wasnt the saying "it's not you its me" but let me just tell you it was mostly me. I didnt heal what needed to for myself and it was a ticking time bomb. Now I sit full of whatifs only realizing it was coulda woulda shoulda. I love you and I hope they didnt break you as much as they did me.

[olearypoetry]

“In the silence I still hear your laughter.”

— O. Leary

[distantmindset]

Reget... Oh what a wonderful, horrible, mind sucking word and feeling.

Even the smallest ones that keep your racing mind up untill 4 am while you're constantly telling yourself "it's not a regret, it's just something I wish I had done differently or tried harder at" when in fact it is something that you whole heartedly R E G R E T.

But who really knows the difference between the two? It's just such a shit show of a process and I wish, sometimes, that it never existed. I'll come back to this, flooded mind.

[okay-but-same]

“I wanted you to know that when I do picture myself happy, its with you.“”

— Dean Winchester, “Supernatural”

[eliminated]

[especially]

[thegoodvybe]

[thequotegarden]

“You’ve mastered survival mode. Now it’s time to live.”

- Dr. Thema

[distantmindset]

Trying is good, is it effective?

Trying. What a word. People always say, "At least you tried", "At least you are trying", "Keep trying", and so on and so fourth. My question is what about trying and never getting anywhere? What about the "Try, try, and try again?". Sometimes I feel like this is a permanent state, like it's always going to be that. I really want to try, I always try, but what do you do when trying doesn't get you anywhere? Oh right.. you "keep trying". Or you "try something new". Well my view on this is this.

You tried you best, you lay your head down at night and you know that you tried. That day is done and it's onto another to try again. Well fuck am I tired of that. I just want something to actually fully and whole heartedly succeed. I don't see why that's so hard to make do with or to happen. I wish I had more to write about this but now my mind is jumbled. Trying, I'll be back to you, hopefully with more progress than to "keep trying". Oh but wait that's what happens when you keep trying right, progress?