a collection of in-character dialogue from the balance arc of the adventure zone podcast. this is part one, taken from here there be gerblins, moonlighting i / ii / iii, murder on the rockport limited, and lunar interlude i. to be used as sentence starters. as per usual, feel free to change pronouns or whatever you see fit.
❝ hey, let’s search these fools. ❞
❝ now they definitely know we’re here. ❞
❝ i’m foolhardy, but i’m not stupid. ❞
❝ i’m still chilling out here, if anyone’s curious. ❞
❝ excellent. well, i trust your judgment. ❞
❝ hello, friend! hail and well met! ❞
❝ we’ve taken a wrong turn. ❞
❝ how dangerous are you? how dangerous are we talking? ❞
❝ you are making me… extremely uncomfortable. ❞
❝ yeah, fuck that guy. for real, though. ❞
❝ are you sure you don’t want any tea? ❞
❝ can i play with your dog? ❞
❝ what the hell are you talking about? ❞
❝ it would look super bad if i just, like, died. ❞
❝ well, i’m not like every dwarf you know. ❞
❝ so far so good by me. ❞
❝ oh, your voice is like a song… ❞
❝ you’re super wrong. you’re, like, super duper wrong. ❞
❝ i might need your help still, come with me. ❞
❝ kind of a weird question, kind of a weird request. ❞
❝ dooon’t test me. had a reeeal long day. ❞
❝ i’m not going to lie, this is super above your pay grade. ❞
❝ when did you wake up? ❞
❝ bring it on, tough guy. ❞
❝ roll to chill. chill check. ❞
❝ you guys are gonna love what happens next. ❞
❝ you guys ready for stuff to get weird? ❞
❝ i am but a simple idiot wizard. ❞
❝ oh, don’t sell yourself short. ❞
❝ that was very kind of you. thank you for doing that. ❞
❝ congratulations are in order. ❞
❝ no dogs are allowed on the moon. ❞
❝ any other non-terrible questions? ❞
❝ what are you wearing? ❞
❝ you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. ❞
❝ if you do that, you’ll definitely die. ❞
❝ i thought i’d feel more excited. that was just kind of sad. ❞
❝ how far away is your house? ❞
❝ i am just so charmed by you. ❞
❝ i’d like to sit on your lap and rest here a little bit. ❞
❝ okay, well, this was a great talk. ❞
❝ but my whole body is a weapon. ❞
❝ tell me all about it, stud! ❞
❝ a witch kissed me and cursed me. ❞
❝ hey, man, are you alright? ❞
❝ first of all, do you need anything? ❞
❝ i’m just trying to chase my bliss. ❞
❝ there’s nowhere i’d rather be than here, my man. ❞
❝ for right now, i’m gonna get my grub on. ❞
❝ okay, that’s not cool, man. ❞
❝ what’s the skinny, kid? ❞
❝ i am the world’s greatest detective. ❞
❝ there’s prying eyes and prying ears! ❞
❝ high fives all around! ❞
❝ oh, no, absolutely not. ❞
❝ are you interrogating me? ❞
❝ do you want a cup of coffee? ❞
❝ daddy needs his special magic juice. ❞
❝ you are impossible to talk to. ❞
❝ it doesn’t seem like the right time or place for that. ❞
❝ you’ve been doing a surprisingly good job! ❞
❝ oof, that’s a biiig ask. ❞
❝ i’ve found that not killing is pretty easy. ❞
❝ bad news, compadres. this place is magic as hell. ❞
❝ that’s exactly right. it would confirm my suspicion. ❞
❝ i have a moment of lucidity and i don’t want to waste it. ❞
❝ let’s hear your theory, little man. ❞
❝ don’t touch my stuff. ❞
❝ have a little bit of faith in humanity. ❞
❝ i hate you all so much. ❞
❝ absolutely… not. probably. ❞
❝ i’m too young to die! ❞
❝ it’s okay, they’re with me! ❞
❝ let us be as two ships passing. ❞
❝ i can’t believe you’ve done this. ❞
❝ you better keep that shit in check. ❞
❝ do y’all wanna get paid or naw? ❞
❝ this is super, duper, duper illegal. ❞
❝ if you lose, your first child is mine. ❞
❝ i know you’re wondering, ❛ what’s in it for me? ❜ i’ve already told you this: it is _____. ❞
❝ i feel like this conversation’s starting to take a turn for the worst, so i’m gonna head out. ❞
❝ well, strangers aren’t strangers anymore once you’ve talked to them and learned their names. ❞
❝ i do wish i could help you out in this regard, but i do not think there is anything i can do for you. ❞
❝ here’s my solution, and i think you’re going to find it very equitable: i’m not going to shoot you with this giant crossbow. ❞