I love this post I wrote and I thought of what my process was behind deciding what my sub wears and stumbled into a larger concept of being a good dominant that I thought I'd share here. So if it may help some doms out, here's a tip for how I implement aesthetic kink with my sub. Using the phrase "Wear <blank> because <reason why you think they should wear that clothing>, okay?" is a great way to tell your sub to wear something.
It shows that you're taking care to consider what is appropriate to wear and shows your reasoning, but it's also open ended enough as a question that your sub can still feel empowered to say "but what about <reason why that clothing choice might not be compatible in this instance>?" because even if you choose their clothing 100% of the time, there will always be that random occurrence where something completely out of your realm of knowledge as a dom affects what they can wear.
Having that wiggle room for your sub to give you feedback is really important for building a mental library of what your sub wears at what times (morning, daytime, for sleep) and in what settings (at home, at work, hanging out with friends, going out) during different conditions (hot/cold temps, weather, having their period, exercise, mental health, seasons) what they feel comfortable wearing, what materials and clothing they like or avoid, and when they think it's time to retire a piece of clothing.
Pay attention to those things, write down notes if you need to. With their consent you can also start deciding what gets bought for their wardrobe in the first place if you both would like that in your dynamic. And when you go to choose an outfit, makeup, and accessories consult these 5 points:
What does the weather look like?
What is on the schedule for when they wear it?
What do YOU want to see them wear?
Is it clean/available to wear?
Do you have any other parameters, either as D/s rules, individual preferences/tendencies as a couple, or submissive limits that would affect this choice? (Do you need to match metals/leathers, do you have a rule about no underwear worn in the house, do they like showing off jewelry you bought them, do they refuse to wear a certain cut of clothing because of how it looks on them, etc.)
If the weather is warm and clear skies, they have an open schedule, they're in a good mood, you want them to wear something sexy, and that doesn't clash with any other rules or limits for your sub then that's great! Just check if it's clean or available and set it out for them.
Don't wait for them to do it or ask later. Physically set the clothing/makeup/perfume/accessories aside yourself as much as you can. You're taking decisions away from them so they can enjoy themselves and feel relaxed and taken care of by submitting to you in this way. The best way to make them feel that is to physically set the items out for them.
You can also always do a stricter form of this kink later where the dom just decides everything and either doesn't need feedback because they choose so well, or you as a D/s couple enjoy the complete loss of aesthetic control the submissive gives the dominant. It just depends on your style/preferences and level of trust with each other.
But starting with "Wear <blank> because <reason why you think they should wear that clothing>, okay?" is so foundational to getting the most out of aesthetic kink as a dom or sub, especially if you're a beginner kinkster.
And beginner doms, your sub does want to be ruled over, that's true. But it's about the intention of how you rule over them and what you do with that control. Doing this regularly will help you practice that intentionality with aesthetic kink until you're freaking impeccable at choosing complete outfits for them.
Applying this lesson of intentionality in aesthetic kink to your dominance over other areas of their life is how you become the dominant of their dreams they brag to their kink friends about.
No kink will have the same process as another, but developing a thought process to how you exert control over your submissive for different kinks builds happy and healthy habits that turn you both on regularly. And then actively engaging with that thought process every time prevents things from going stale and keeps your sub feeling seen, cared for, and safe in the dynamic. Even for the more taboo, intense, and sadistic kinks.
Thanks for reading this post, I hope it helps you enjoy and safely navigate choosing things for your sub or being the sub that's having things chosen for you, especially in regards to deciding a sub's outfits and looks. Of course, this post only scratches the surface, and you should always do further research on each specific kink you engage with to come up with a relevant thought process.
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