loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done
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@ditzylabradoodle
loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done
my dad, trying to explain the concept of money to me: say you have a sandwich, and i need your sandwich. but i don't have anything to give you. you're not just gonna give it to me.
me: i would just give it to you.
my dad:
the only thing i miss about being a teenager is when your friends would text you "hey do you want to come over" and you'd have no idea whether that meant you were going to end up sitting together on your phones for 4 hours with a film nobody's properly watching playing in the background and some snacks or doing something life threatening and/or at least mildly illegal
"you can still do this as an adult" no real adult friend group sees each other more than once every six months. you have to condense your phone time, dubiously legal activities and catching up on each other's lives into a single hangout over brunch.
idk I just personally think that getting chills from music is the best part of being alive. like when a song is so good you can feel it in your whole body. that's why I'm here.
nothing more disappointing than a shower with low water pressure. i don't want to feel like a wet sad beast left out in the rain i want to be power washed.
Worst thing ever in the whole world is when a thunderstorm is forecasted and then it doesn’t storm. literally so rude I was excited for this all day.
he’s so real for this
Is it just me or does having a positive interaction with a stranger scratch a very particular itch? I think it's the reassurance that the world is not split solely into people who already love you and people who never will.
besties i can't do this anymore (hasn't done anything)
lads had a dream last night that i was at the elton john concert and halfway through crocodile rock he switched to a prince medley and real live flesh and blood prince walked out on stage, and into the stunned, hushed silence i said quietly, “i thought you were dead” and he looked straight at me through the crowds of a million people, put his mouth against the mic, and said “do i look like the kind of man who dies” absolute legend
This wasn’t a dream this was a premonition
HOW does everybody get such unfathomably good dialogue in their dreams
Hey you know that really disturbing thing where you yawn and your salivary gland shoots a concentrated spray of saliva out of one of its horrid nozzles like you’re a venom spitting snake for some godawful reason
this is the most distressing post ive ever read because not only have i never once seen or even heard of this but there are dozens of people in the notes reaffirming it with shit like “yeah i do that all the time” “i had a friend who could do this on command” what the real, genuine fucking fuck
s/o to ppl with intrusive thoughts that aren’t just like “eat sand” or “trample ur neighbor’s garden” but are really fucked up and immoral like u guys aren’t terrible just cuz the thought comes into ur mind doesnt mean u like it or want to do it i hope something good happens to u today
i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.
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romantic slaps on the ass