Diversity of Mind

Explore the complexity of my eclectic brain

[diversityofmind]

Speak Up

"Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, no matter the consequences. Stay true to yourself.” - Unknown

People say that they respect those who speak what’s on their mind rather than agree to conform. I have had the worst experience in life with this problem as I have always been one to go with the flow and usually end up agreeing with someone to end the conversation when I get to uncomfortable or don’t like what they have to say. I hate conflict and confrontation at all costs and try to avoid it like the plague. I have had so many issues in the past with debates and conversations not ending well for me and I either just agree to end it or just say “I don’t know” and walk away awkwardly. Speaking up has proven to be one of the hardest things for me. I always end up conforming most of the time to keep people satisfied with my presence and friendship. Rather than staying true to myself, I do it in the name of peace for someone who might not even deserve my respect or patience. I have trusted the wrong people with my thoughts and spoke my mind just to get shut down or told that how I thought was wrong or stupid. Constantly experiencing this chipped away at my self confidence and ability to hold steadfast to what was true to myself. I became a “people-pleaser” and that causes my anxiety levels and stress to go up even higher. Because of this, I don’t know the right ways to defend my way of thinking without feeling fearful for being made out to be stupid or rendering my opinion worthless. Namely, my ex was one of the main reasons I got stuck in this endless cycle of being afraid. He made me feel so low in so many ways and robbed me of my sense of identity until I was essentially a puppet for him. I was to think the way he thought, I was to move when he said move, I was to report to him when he said to report to him. If I were to ever defy him or question/challenge his opinion, I was immediately torn apart until I gave in and agreed. Being with someone who mentally distorts the image you have of yourself and your way of thinking for so long, it really alters the way you perceive yourself and robs those around you from the truth they deserve to hear where my opinion is necessary or if they need brutal honesty and a reality check. I could not confront strangers in public unless I am enraged to the point of saying something. I would let people have expectations of me to do things that I would not want to do and then ignore them when it came down to coming through instead of saying no. I have let people tear me apart, degrade me, and insult me while just laughing it off and crying after the fact or storming to the closest person to gossip. As the days go by to the present, I still have the issue and it is a struggle. There are times when I want to say what’s on my mind, but it is more of maturity and my sense of value that keeps my mouth shut. If I see someone being mistreated or bullied, I speak up. When I hear about discrimination, I speak up. I get really passionate about things until I talk it to death.. my guess is that the overflow of words that come out and lingering on issues longer than necessary stems from being silenced for so long. Being told to shut up when they don’t agree with my point of view. I am learning to care less and be true to myself but I also struggle with defending myself and those around me to certain people and especially the ones who thrive off negativity because it will forever be an endless cycle of nonsense that I choose not to be a part of. You have to know when speaking up is necessary and when it’s not. You could being doing the right thing and defending your sense of value or you could harm yourself by subjecting yourself to dejection by someone who simply doesn’t get you. It’s just up to you whether you care enough to say what you think anyways regardless of the person or if you care more about peace and to drop the topic and move on. It’s always your choice and your life is determined on what you speak into existence. It comes with a so-called “price” - Do you people please and keep your thoughts in your mind or do you speak up no matter what anyone has to say? I’d rather speak up any day.. and I know I have some work to do. What price are YOU willing to pay?

[diversityofmind]

TOMB RAIDER - Okay, so if you know me, you know I have an obsession with the game Tomb Raider. I grew up playing all the video games on my PS1 and then progressed into the PS2 and PS3 and so on, so forth. Well, I had the PS3 and when I got wind of the 2013 reboot, you know I went bananas over the fact that the beloved Lara Croft would be on blessing us with her presence on our TV screens once again. After playing the first reboot game, I was in total and complete love with the graphics, storyline, movement, and the free exploratory aspect that makes it more of the “Tomb Raider” feel with having her able to discover tombs and little areas outside of the actual storyline. I have played that game over and over about 20 or more times from beginning to end (no exaggeration). However, recently my fiance traded in a bunch of games and consoles he had to get us the PS4 system. As you probably know, the newer Rise of the Tomb Raider game was only available on the Xbox One and the PS4.. which I was finally able to purchase! After playing it, which I had gotten a taste of it before while playing it on my former best friend’s boyfriend’s Xbox, I was very pleased that they kept the same aspect of the movements and graphics. However, I wasn’t that impressed with the storyline or the length of the game. I felt the first one was more detailed, longer in length, and you could do more with it. This one was shorter and I felt it to be less of what Tomb Raider is meant to be about. The finale wasn’t as intense and very rushed with it ending on the goal of what Lara was after and then cut scene to her saying she was going to find more adventures. I felt myself wanting there to be more complications and struggle on getting out of the situation she was in.. maybe with the bad guy getting away or more of a fight when she caught up to Trinity, the big bad of the game. I got the point of the game, with her working with the locals to beat Trinity and beat them to the divine source to protect it from destroying humanity but I didn’t feel as involved or connected with this game as much as the first one. It was definitely worth the play, I will give it that, so please don’t let my opinion stray you away from playing it. Maybe I missed the point of the game, with it being called “Rise” I’m guessing it alludes the the fact that she is rising to become stronger and the heroine she is with the older games and to overcome Trinity as she was doing. But there is still more to come in regards to fighting Trinity as it left off saying. Now, there are reports that the next one is called “Shadow of the Tomb Raider,” which sounds very much like she will be doing something covert and Mission Impossible oriented and I couldn’t be more excited! Lara Croft will forever be my favorite game character and I will never be sold on anyone else.. I can’t wait to see and play more! Any thoughts or opinions or feedback, feel free to respond! (P.S. the picture is not mine or does not belong to me, I found it on the internet)

[diversityofmind]

Mental

"The only thing that stands between a person and what they want from life is often the will to try it and the faith to believe it’s possible.” - Unknown

It’s amazing how one day you wake up feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, excited about life and the possibilities it has to offer. You can be feeling on top of the world, with mind full of ideas and creative sparks pouring in from the sources you didn’t think were possible. I absolutely love feeling this sense of accomplishment and excitement because it radiates from your aura and makes the environment around you light with positive energy. All of that excitement stems from an idea of where you are heading in the future, the people you have included in your life, goals and aspirations you have created with your partner, and just an overall sense of happiness from just being alive. And then boom, one day you wake up and you feel discouraged and depressed out of nowhere. The promises you once made to yourself and those around you seem impossible to accomplish. The plans you make seem out of reach and unattainable. The people you surround yourself with and work for catch on to this but don’t know how to approach or handle your sudden mood change. I have been going through some things and I cannot, for the life of me, understand why life makes itself seem so hard for me. Work stresses seep into my mind and cause me to second guess my abilities. Paranoia comes from things that aren’t happening or creating scenarios in my head that inhibit myself from enjoying what life has to offer. I sometimes feel disconnected from the people closest from me, prompting me to recluse and not speak to anyone for fear that something, if anything, is creating a wedge between us. I see others assuming responsibilities that I get envious of because I feel as if I am perceived as incapable of handling such tasks. And then I began to question my actions and the way I handle situations and wonder if this is the cause that no one ever texts or calls to hang out or wants to talk. I sometimes end up getting into arguments with my significant other, whom I love dearly, because of my own self doubt and insecurity. I feel a mental block when it comes to creativity and coming up with ideas for hang out sessions or conversations to be held or just writing or creating things. I am jealous of those who can write novels, come up with screenplays for movies, make successful businesses, hold witty and meaningful conversations and create an aura and being a person people want to be around. I don’t know where this struggle comes from. I have always been this way, even as a child. I don’t know if this comes from my dad leaving and not being a positive presence in my life for a source of having him to look up to. I don’t know if this is from being bullied and not being included as I grew up. I don’t know if I make these problems up in my head. All I know is that I suffer from anxiety and depression on my worst days because I don’t feel good enough. All I know is that I am searching everyday for ways to become that person that I can be proud of. I want to be a great father to my children in the future. I want to be a good man who can be held accountable and trustworthy of anything that is asked of me. I want to create a person within myself that people enjoy to be around. I want to be a good husband and make my partner happy and not lose him to being a deadbeat. I don’t like to create distance from people because my sense of being overwhelmed or from seeming to wound tight. I love everyone and have the biggest heart, and people recognize that. I just have constant battles and physically feel so blocked and foggy in my head. I just don’t know sometimes. All I know is that I am here, going through the motions of life and searching for answers. I just want to feel normal. And I am sorry to those who I have made things awkward with or made it seem like I am unapproachable. I just want to have fun and enjoy life but I just haven’t figured out how to get there yet. Maybe I am lost but I pray that I will find myself one day. 

With love, Dylan

[diversityofmind]

Hello, world. It’s quite nice to make your acquaintance. I have decided to take it upon myself to create a blog as I am undergoing a lot of changes in my way of thinking. I wanted to create something to document these changes within myself and also to create healthy and happy discussions about my life, social and spiritual revelations, everyday social settings, and things that are going on in the world today. My name is Dylan Gossett and I am 23 years old. I was born on August 7, 1993 in a small city located in North Carolina. I have a variety of interests that include music, movies and television shows, nature, travelling to new places, trying new foods, and exercise. I love all people from different ethnicities, cultures, and sexual orientation. I thoroughly enjoy stimulating conversation to learn about their heritage, traditions, religion, way of life, and any struggles they may endure and have endured with that person as an individual or as a whole race/orientation. My goal is to discuss my honest and raw opinion and not to cause any distress or unnecessary negative remarks or banter. I would love messages, or even questions that I can answer on my page, to stimulate my mind and help me grow, while helping others grow and maybe learn to see things from different point of views.. Remember, we are all humans who make up the majority of the population on Earth. We all breathe, bleed, and endure the cycle of life. All opinions, comments, and questions are welcome. My goal is to add something new a few days every week! May this blog be flourishing to myself and others who read it.