In the Final Analysis by Donna L. Prock,MSW

Retired Social Worker, Water Aerobics Instructor, Freelance Journalist, Counselor, Blogger , Mother, Grandmother, Sports Fanatic and Avid Reader DLProck has embarked on many journeys in life and has much to share with the world around her. If you would be interested in having Donna speak at your next function please contact Moxie Malloy at [email protected] or leave a message here.

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Saturday Advocacy

Saturday morning. The day to do errands, get groceries, work in the yard, and watch college football. This morning Mary Francis and I went to the farmers market in Raytown, a great donut shop, and hit Red Rack thrift store. On the way home we went to a drive thru coffee joint. However, after looking at the price of a cup of coffee, decided the Keruig at home would suffice. Arriving home I quickly picked my favorite donut, cranked up the Kuerig for a cup of coffee and settled in at my desk. Time to get my monthly guardianship reports written up and sent off to Kansas guardianship. I have been guardian for three folks ,over 12 years for one, 10 years for another, and eight years for my most recent one. I also had another person that I was guardian for who passed away a few years ago. I became a guardian because of a disagreement I had with a doctor at Kansas State Hospital. At that time I was director of case management for an organization that provides services for people with developmental disabilities. At times it became necessary to have one of the people served evaluated at the state hospital due to behavioral problems. Many of the people we worked with were dual diagnosis, i.e.,both developmentally disabled and mentally ill. In this particular instance it was time for the discharge conference of someone whom we had admitted for an evaluation. During the conference the doctor and I disagreed on the treatment plan for this particular individual. Having worked with this gentleman, for over a year, I felt I had more insight into his likes dislikes and his level of cooperation than did the doctor who had only seen him twice in a 7 day period. Long story short I received a call from this doctor a week or so later. She asked if I would become guardian for one of her patients. She related that due to my strong advocacy for disabled people she felt I would be the perfect person for this patient who had many issues. To say it surprised me would not adequately explain my feeling regarding this woman whom I thought would likely never want to deal with me again. It was just the beginning of a new chapter in my life that has morphed into many chapters. The folks I am guardian for have become members of a second family I never dreamed I would ever have. They keep me on track and because of their struggles I have come to realize all I have to be thankful for. I sincerely wish I could .understand how they feel and what they think, However it is probably best that I can't. We can never truly understand how another person feels however in many instances we can relate because of like experiences. With my second family that is not so. I cannot in my wildest imagination begin to understand what their life is like. I hope that the little I do for them somehow makes their lives a little easier.

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My Choice

There comes a time when we make a decision that can change the path of our life. We choose to do so before we reach an age that someone else makes that decision for us. I have decided to move back to Independence, Missouri. I have worked most of my life, always working two jobs, retired three times, and continued to work part time. I think it is time that I spend time with my kids and do new things while I am in good health and have the energy and desire. My youngest daughter and her husband have graciously agreed to let me share their home. This is not because I can no longer live on my own. It is because we can help each other in many ways and enjoy life together. My daughter, being an artist, a photographer, a blogger, and the list goes on, can use my assistance in her busy world. In turn she can assist me in completing my book which, by the way, is being edited as we speak. Now we must go through pictures that will enhance my story and add them before we publish my efforts. I grieve giving up my teaching water wellness, which I have done for 14 years. However I plan to take advantage of the aquatic center in Independence to continue my daily time in the water which I have done for over twenty years. It has kept me moving which, due to joint issues, would have been difficult but for my time in the water. I think that one of the most difficult decisions we make, in life, is to admit we need to be realistic about what the future holds as we age. We tend to think we can continue to be self sufficient, active, vibrant, etc., etc., and the list goes on. We can but in order to do so we must make changes that enable us to do so. Well gang I have come to that point. I could continue as I am however I have no one close to me where I am. No one in my family. Everyday I find that one of my acquaintances, who live alone, have fallen or become ill and by the time it is known they are in dire straights. Well I have decided to put pride aside and admit that at age 76 it is time that I make realistic decisions that will allow me to live my life, safely, as I choose. I am very fortunate that my children view me as a partner rather than a burden.

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LOOKING BACK

Lately I have been spending time looking back over time. Examining my life. I am not sure if it is the onset of my upcoming birthday, on the 13th of this month, or the realization I will be 76 years old that has put me on this path.  I have never felt I was the age I was. I always felt Younger. Having been a sports nut my my entire life I played softball, volleyball, and basketball even after my children were born. During the time I was working to put my husband through college I was secretary to the Athletic Director where he was attending College.  As such I was involved in keeping score  and statistics at varying athletics. I loved it! My husband became a coach at the local high school and after the birth of our two children we were to divorce.

Now it was time to put myself through college. Taking heavy class loads I graduated in three years with a BA in Parks and Recreation Administration. I started out with a major in physical education but soon changed to recreation. My rationale for doing so was that I wanted to work with people in the area of sports but not as a coach necessarily, I looked at coaching as having to pick the best in whatever sport. Having done so the lesser talented students were left out or so I felt. Recreation was a field where there was something for everyone. During my college years I had a student work assignment working with the college basketball coach. Again I was keeping score and stats. Having two youngsters to raise, classes to attend, working, and all that entailed earning a degree, it was a some what hectic time in my life.

In my journey into the past I have had to face the reality of many mistakes I made along the way. Mistakes, I now realize, that became lessons. Lessons I built my life on. Lessons that led me from being a recreation director to eventually becoming a Social Service Supervisor of Investigators with the Children’s Hotline. I was to this for over 23 years. I ended up retiring three times. After leaving social services I was to become Director of Case Management working with folks who had developmental disabilities. Lastly I became Director of a Senior Center. My work history spanned close to forty years. Through out this time I also had part time jobs. One of which I continue to this day. The mistakes which became lessons led me to have a greater understanding of people. People of many races, abilities, problems, flaws and triumphs. The mistakes made me a stronger less judgmental person. I often saw my mistakes through these people which led me to understand that no matter how bad a situation may be a you can rise above it. You can use it to find something better. I did!

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TODAY

Today is the day the Lord made rejoice in it. Everyday is the day the Lord made but do we acknowledge that? I think not! If we did we would tend to place blame on the Lord for bad days and praise for only good days. What needs to be acknowledged is that each day is a gift. What we do with that day is on us. Things do happen beyond our control however they are a part of life. When those days appear we must reach deep inside and praise the Lord for having another day of life. We must call on our resources of prayer and thankfulness. Yes even for the not so good days. We must learn to appreciate that even this is a lesson learned. Knowledge that can guide us away from future mistakes or choices. Even if the cause is not our mistake or choice it can be used. However me may begin to realize that a choice we made may have put us in place that was beyond our control. As strange as that may seem it is true. Looking back over my life and making an inventory of  mistakes made was painful. However with thought and prayer I realized that those mistakes  were often happenstances. For whatever reason I was in that place it gave me a knowledge of others. Knowledge of how folks get where they are. It helped me to help them. It was a venue for sharing the reality of not having to remain there. It inspired me to rise above where I was and strive to achieve.  I knew others could also. I also learned that you cannot make anyone do anything. You can only give them information, support and encouragement. The outcome is their choice. Hopefully they will awake to a day of rejoicing!

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Active Prune

Saturday! The day of chores! Have mopped, vacuumed, made the bed, and done laundry, to name just a few chores. I do a chore then take a break and so on and on. Age changes past routines and the ability to, "get er done" as quickly as in the past. My ole joints scream at me if I don't give em a break every now and then. I have always worked two jobs, as most of you know, and also have taught eight water wellness classes weekly. The water wellness classes have been part of my routine for over fifteen years. I hope to continue this endeavor forever! I truly believe the classes are the reason I am still walking. Arthritis can be brutal but the best pain control is exercise. With exercise a person can keep on keeping on! Trouble is lots of folks don't exercise because it is painful. They just need to pick an activity that causes the least problem. Water is the key! You can do anything in the water. The buoyancy in the water takes the pressure off one's joints making exercise pretty much painless. I have been told being in the water twelve hours a week will make me look like a prune. So be it! At least I will be an active prune!

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April Fool’s

Tomorrow is April Fool's! I plan to stay home! No April Fools pranks will cross my door, so I hope! I often wonder why the month of my birth would have such a day! Perhaps my parents felt I was a prank that was forced upon them. Middle child, too young to do the things my older sister did, too old to be babied like my younger sister. Sort of caught in a never never land. My Dad said my name should have been Spit Fire. He likely wasn't wrong about that. I remember waking up each morning thinking, "What will I get a spanking for today!" I don't remember ever getting a spanking from Mom but not so with my Dad. My older sister once told me, "Daddy just doesn't understand how you think." I am sure he was not the only one! As an adult I overcame our issues and, because my sisters lived in other states, I was the one who helped Dad with many things. In any case I loved my parents and am very thankful for all they taught me. However I digress! My intent was to say, "Have a great day, my family and friends, and don't let an April Fool get Ya!" 😉

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Women's History Month

March is National Women's History Month! Who knew! Not I, until today, I am sorry to admit! This month brings to memory, for many, women such as Susan B. Anthony, Lucy Stone, Lucretia Mott, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriet Tubman, and Alice Paul. March has been dedicated as a celebration of women's contributions to History, Culture, and Society. The struggle to acquire equal rights for women was a long and arduous battle. Even today, some would say, the battle continues. I am not a zealot for equal rights. I do feel that women have the right to be treated equal to men. However I am not going to march in the streets nor start riots over the issue. Truthfully I have never, personality, experienced prejudice due to my gender. I do know that it existed and continues to this day. No matter what it cannot be denied that there are differences in men and women. Differences in physical ability and emotions which often lead to attitudes about women's ability in many areas. However I have strayed from my thought of a month celebrating Women. I am thankful for the woman my Mother was. For her kind heart, her nurturing attitude, and her love as my mother. A woman's role was one of child bearing, supporting a mate, making a home for her family. It has expanded to careers and so much more over the years. Even for women who do not have children there is still a nurturing nature which often puts them in the role of problem solving and providing comfort and affection for many. In any case I am thankful that there is a month, set aside, for the recognition of women's achievements.

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Let's Be Kinder

Tomorrow is the last day of campaigning! Praise the Lord! After all the result of the election is in His hands. Hopefully no more hateful posts on fb against the candidates. I have never understood why this was felt to be necessary. I have to admit I shared a few that I felt were humorous. However there have been many that are vicious! Just this morning there were a couple posted by a family member. Though not particularly vicious what is the purpose.? It has been my opinion, though many disagree, that these posts say as much about those who choose to post them as those who are the target. Someone once told me, "We have to get the word out there." Why do they feel anyone listens to what they have to say or cares? This election has been a venue for frustration, self attention, and release of hatred and failure in many lives. Maybe by posting rude, sometimes nasty, things they can get the attention they so desire. The candidates are not not without participation in such. Why couldn't it have been a campaign, for each of them, of the issues rather than character bashing? I fear that the results, no matter what it may be, will just be another verse in a sad song. In the final analyses it is in the hands of God and he does have a plan. Have a great week family and friends! Let's be kind to one another!

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Time Flies

Wow! The beginning of a new week! Time does fly! When I was young I thought time would never pass. I would never be old enough to go to school, I would never be old enough to get a driver's license, I would never get to graduation day! Ahhh, the impatience of youth. How things have changed. Now it seems I just turn around and the week is gone. All this has led me to contemplating my life from that time until now. Mistakes made, failures and losses. However these things have taught me so much! Without mistakes I might not have learned the right way, no failures could have led me to believe I was infallible, and with no losses I might not have learned the wonderment of love. If I had never lost I may not have realized the enormity of my love for my husband. Strange? Well I am a bit strange at times! I always knew I loved Tim but I never gave it a lot of thought. I think this might be labeled, " for granted"! When we have that one person in our lives, for many years, we can grow to take their love for us for granted. We become comfortable, over time, in our relationship and give little thought to how and why we love or are loved. A day never went by that we did not say, "I Love You". It became a habit often given with little thought to the meaning, if you will, or the reason for the words spoken. It is sad but true in my case. Tim always told me, "If I don't make it I don't want you to be alone. I hope there will be a special person in your life." I don't believe he meant in marriage but rather someone that I could have a closeness, that I could share my feelings with, that I would have affection and love. In any case I have learned how you can love someone, intensely, and never give it much thought until they are no longer here. I am, however, thankful for the time we shared and grateful for the memories!

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Appreciation

It is going to be very hot today! For some reason this brings all I have to be thankful for to mind. Strange, huh! Well no one ever accused me of being normal! I am so thankful for my home with air conditioning to mention just one of the conveniences of my life. More importantly I am thankful for family, for friends met and unmet, for health, for freedom, our country, the right to worship as we believe, and the list goes on and on. When I head out to teach my classes and the sweat pours off of me by the time I get to the pool I am reminded that at the end of a trial there is a blessing. Water to envelop myself in for the next hour. The same holds true when I head home. I know when I get there, and open the door, the cool air will await me. Simple somewhat frivolous thoughts. On a deeper level I realize that the true blessings are those that have brought each of us to our present point in life. Mistakes made, trials endured, losses of loved ones, are some of our greatest blessings. Strange? Yes, I suppose so but this I believe. Without these happenings in our lives we would not have the insight to appreciate the lessons learned. The strength to persevere in times of difficulty. The loss of a loved one is grueling, it is devastating, it is too horrible to describe. However if we can reach a place of relating to the memories, of recognizing the challenges of that person's life, and the end result had they stayed with us, we may have an understanding that it was God's mercy that took them home. Such is the path that my rambling mind travels this morning. Time to get into the day and put my analysis of life on hold for a time. Too many thoughts of this sort tend to make me even stranger than I already am! Have a wonderful weekend my friends and family! Remember God Loves You and So Do I!

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TGIF

Home at last! Stressful week. Taught 12 classes of water wellness, gave my Nissan Cube to my daughter and her husband, replaced it with a Toyota Corrola, several trips to the city (hate the traffic!), trips to the DMV and the Hwy. Patrol to get the car inspected and then to my insurance agent. All this squeezed in between classes on consecutive days! To top all this off an appointment at the State Hospital to meet a person whom I will be guardian for. He told me "I don't need a guardian. I have been to court and proven innocent!" When asked why he had to be proven innocent he told me he had no idea. He also said there was an evil, ferocious woman who had drug him from hospital to hospital! I am sure he was talking about evaluations and a competency hearing which landed him in the state hospital. He was one angry confused guy. I have dealt with a lot of these folks over the years. I will do my best to help him and do what is in his best interest. I wish there were ways to heal mental illness however medication seems to be the only answer. In any case I am ready to sit back put up my feet, turn off my brain, watch TV, read, and just chill!

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An Opportunity From God

Today I visited one of the people I am guardian for at the state hospital. He is so lost in his paranoia and delusion that it is difficult to carry on a conversation with him. Today he told me he was going to sue the hospital and he might have to sue me if I didn't get him out of there. He is one of three folks that I am guardian for. I did have four but one of my guys passed away a few months back. Today I was asked if I would take another one and chances are I will. I have done this for about fifteen years. I wish I could understand how these folks feel but I know that is impossible. I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to be locked in a hospital and to live deep within a delusional world. A world that vacillates from happiness, to anger, and stages of total despair. Where there is no world other than what lies behind the walls where they are confined. I thank God for the opportunity to serve in this capacity. The families have withdrawn from these folks lives many years ago. They, for the most part, have no one. It has given me the awareness of all I have to be thankful for. It has made me conscious of one more population of people that are special and unique in each of their own ways. It is sad to realize that they are locked up for no crime, for nothing they have done, for no fault of their own. It seems so unfair. However it is also good that they are where they are not a danger to themselves or others. A place that protects them from being taken advantage of and a place where all their needs are met. I am glad that I can be of help to them, that I can know them, that I can find something special in each of them. I wish it were possible for them to have normal lives with the freedom to come and go as they please. However I know it will never happen.

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Embracing Change : 1 Year Later

June 13th, 2015

Now it is a done deal. Contract signed and the sorting and eliminating begins. A couple of things needs to be done to the property, small things, and closing on the 30th of June. Not sure how I feel about all this! It will make a great difference in my life! A different way of life actually. God knows I have done it before and I will do it again! Just need a bit of an attitude adjustment and, yes, I can do this.

1 year later, June 13th, 2016

One year ago today I posted this after deciding to sell my home in the country. As I look back on that time in my life, I must admit, there is a tear or two. I was born and raised in the country and in 1992 returned until July of last year. In all I was a country gal for about 37 years. I miss it. I miss the solitude, the cool breezes, songs of the critters, and sitting on my front porch. I miss gazing across the expanse of the eight acres we lived on. I even miss mowing that eight acres. Our place was a secluded area not seen from the road. Only one neighbor's yard light in sight. I loved it. However there comes a time for needed changes in one's life. Change doesn't come easy but time eventually can ease the pain if we embrace the change

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Feeling Good!

Woke up feeling good! Good report from my doctor. Seems I'm a healthy old broad! Gotta hit the gym more often and a little harder! Consistency! Consistency is key in all things that we need to do for our health and well being. It is very easy to put off until tomorrow that which we should do today. Trouble is, tomorrow never comes! It is supposed to be hot today. There are worse things. Look for the good, diminish the the irritable, and thank the Good Lord you are here for another day!

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If The Creek Don't Rise

The opening of another week! My how time does fly! As we all know, as we get older, it seems to accelerate. I start every day, in my mind, inventorying things I need to accomplish. Alas, that's where it seems to end. At the end of the day I'm no closer to getting anything accomplished. Maybe that's because if I become engrossed in a project the time will fly by even faster! Procrastination thou art my name! Well it is the start of another period of time. God willing and the creek don't rise maybe I'll get er done this time!