doctorsickx @doctorsickx - Tumblr Blog

btw you will miss this in 5 or 10 years. memory will smooth these circumstances down like a river stone, and you will find yourself longing for a shade of light or a moment of this particular innocence. you don't know about what happens next, and one day that will be the most alluring thing of all. don't leave it all for nostalgia. have a nice night now, whatever night it happens to be.

Cravings and obsessions

#mental health #my words #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #borderline things #bipolar things

It's baffling how (not so) quickly things change. It feels like just yesterday I was sitting in my room, trying to paddle through my depressive phase via music, coloring and sunbathing.

Today, I'm on my way back home after working tirelessly in my residency and having slept for less than 8 hours in 3 days.

It's crazy to realize how different things are now than they were, say, five months ago. Today, in fact, marks the fifth month into my residency and I feel like a different person altogether.

A walking contradiction.

I'm more self reliant but constantly in self doubt. I'm responsible but often make mistakes. I feel less alone but lonelier somehow.

I have been off my meds for months. I am irregular at therapy. I have cut ties with my ex partner. I'm currently seeing no one but do meet people here and there.

I want to be loved. I want to be held. I want to be cherished. But being in a relationship makes me feel nauseated and casually dating is not doing it for me anymore.

I find myself craving for belongingness but I suck at allowing myself to accept that or even look for it.

I don't know where this or I am going. I'm floating.

#darkacademism #mental health #my words #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #quotes #borderline things #medical residency #pathology #loneliness #bipolar things

The words, the colors, the sun

fail to showcase my heartbreak

when I have yet to accept it as mine

and only mine to grieve.

#mental health #bpd thoughts #actually bpd #borderline things #bipolar things #depressing shit #living with mental illness #heartbreak #original poem #poems and quotes #poems on tumblr

catchymemes

doctorsickx

THIS. THIS. THIS. I want to plaster this on my face.

#mental health #bpd thoughts #borderline things #bipolar things #bpad #mental sickness #living with mental illness #actually mentally ill

I'd like to stop being anxious now. My head is exploding.

#mental health #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #borderline things #bipolar things #bpad #bpd stuff #depressing shit #anxitey #anxienty

It's deeply painful how one person can make you feel like you're walking on clouds and other times, the loneliest person to ever exist.

Last night, I realised how utterly lonely I am without my partner talking to me. It was heartbreaking, to say the least. I realised that I have no one left to call and cry to, at midnight. In the past couple years since I've been with my partner, I think I distanced from my friends, but I guess I was already isolated by then.

Anyway, last night, I felt so alone, so lonely, so alienated. It felt like a dagger to my chest when he said he doesn't want to talk. My mind took me to some harrowing places. It felt like our relationship was over and that he doesn't want me anymore. And that he was my go to person and now I've left with no one to talk to when I really need to.

I'm back to how I was before I met him. All alone, all by myself, surrounded by friends but no one to reach out when necessary. It sucks.

Another person to grieve.

Another relationship to remember, woefully.

#actually bpd #lonesome #loneliness #breakup #mental health #depressing shit #loneliest