A weeb?! AND a doctor?! don't tell me you like feet too, queen @doctorweebmd - Tumblr Blog

roadtripwithlucifer is my AO3

i don’t have a twitter or insta or kofi or anything lol i just talk to myself on here and forget to respond to comments/messages for months on end (sorry)

#but seriously though sorry #roadtripwithlucifer #just trying to clarify why/where i'm following people from lol

lasutotu

unwillingly fated destinies

#SCREAMS #the ying yang of it all #equal and opposites and i just LVOE the way you used red in this #beautiful #sskk

vonlipwig

developing the hots for ryan gosling because of project hail mary is so fucking embarrassing I swear to god. that is a conventionally attractive man. a noted hollywood heartthrob. he's even blond, are you kidding me? did he win people magazine's sexiest man alive? I don't know. I'm not going to check but it wouldn't surprise me at this point. it's such a mainstream taste. such a clichéd celebrity crush. like oh I fancy ryan gosling and my favourite drink is coca-cola and my favourite snack is ready salted crisps. jesus christ. 'b-b-but i only like him when he's in a science pun tshirt and playing a dorky-awkward loner type!' doesn't matter. he's still ryan 'ken from barbie' gosling. it's so trite. I feel like the weird nerd girl in a teen coming-of-age romcom falling for the super popular jock. don't I know that I have a reputation to uphold here? cringe.

fandomsandfairytales

This post is the spiritual successor to that post about David Corenswet:

#lowkey how I feel about Ryan gosling #I get so mad when he’s a good actor and good looking. pick a side bro I can’t live like this

oh i VASTLY overestimated how much i'd be able to write yesterday because as usual i feel like total brainfoggy shit after working a nightshift (i got through one (1!!!!) page. its 28 pages long thus far.) so ok lets start the editing process forreals today ->

starting wordcount 8400. i've read through chapter 14 on the fic and have taken a lot of notes re: references/lines i want to make sure to include which is a really good thing because i forgot minor details from part 1. i definitely want to finish re-reading the fic (and respond to all the comments!) before my final edit of the epilogue which depending on how things go today will be tomorrow (or monday at the latest.) hehehehe ok lets get this bread

#its my husbands birthday today and we're not doing anything big but i will be at the mercy of whatever he wants to do lol #right now he's building the lego project hail mary craft that i got for him as a present #and he wants to play it takes two later and maybe order food/watch a movie #which def takes priority ;)#but i'm off both tomorrow and monday so i have no doubts i'll post by monday for SURE #yayyyyyy the end is nigh....

soldier-of-death

im only attracted to worthy opponents

#<- prev. real and true #also unfortunately katsuki bakugou

doctorweebmd

i think in general one of the themes of beast that i really dont vibe with (and, in part, i think that's the point) is that over and over again, we see the main characters (dazai, atsushi, gin, kyouka) each, one by one, tell akutagawa that he's a bad person inherently and that nothing he does will change that fact. that he is born evil and that it is not possible for him to be a 'good person' no matter how hard he tries.

and i think the point of beast is to show that even if he IS born evil that he's capable of resisting the monster within, that he's capable of changing and growing; all well and good, but it still heavily leans into a concept around 'goodness' that is somehow nebulous and impossible to define. akutagawa DOES live by a internal moral code and has values that he acts on that many WOULD consider 'good': i.e. strong opposition to organized crime as his friends were killed by these people, value of food and respect of the hard work that feeding others requires, the belief that siblings should be kind and respect and protect one another - to name a few.

the way he enforces and responds to violations of those beliefs - i.e. with violence and often bloodshed - is not a socially appropriate reaction and its used as both a comic relief aspect of the story AND the main point of criticism of him as person. but i think to call him inherently evil when he clearly holds a strong moral code is reductionist at best.

in my opinion beast!akutagawa's issue is not the lack of moral code - its that his morality around justice is anchored around revenge. an eye for an eye. i'd argue that is not a 'monster-like' sentiment - its human, and incredibly incredibly common. like many, his fatal flaw is focusing so much on getting revenge on that which has been destroyed in his life that he cannot see and nurture what's still left.

#hello. i was correct about this #dont know where people are liking it from but it remains true #i like stories about 'fighting your own nature' i think theres something powerful and poignant to be said there #and i do believe that its the theme and intention behind beast.#and yet asagiri's writing gives me the impression that he as the author sincerely believes that some people ARE born evil #and no matter what akutagawa does he will ALWAYS be evil because he's got evil in his heart #even if he dedicates his entire life to doing 'good'#and listen i'm not catholic that shit does NOT resonate with me #and yet dazai atsushi kyouka gin all say a variation of the above and it just reminds me #of the argument around 'thought crimes' and how if you experience bad urges you are evil and broken even if you dont act on them #because for some people moral purity is more important than a person's actions. classic dilemma on the piss on nuance website #akutagawa: 'i'm doing good i'm helping people i came here to save you'#gin apparently: doesn't matter you still WANT to kill people and you did this thing when we were kids that proves you're an evil person #who is incapable of change #like... okay #and maybe part of it is the translation and adaptation that makes it come across that way #but it reeks of the 'some people are born evil. even with all the love in the world they will do evil. because you can't fight nature'#whateverrrrrrr #i need to write rather than philosophising here i'm going crazy

clocktower-order

Doppo Kunikida "An Unscripted Sunday" SSR from the Doppo Kunikida Training Campaign (6.12-6.26)

kyouka-supremacy

@sad-emo-dip-dye !!!!!!!!

#sobs #the life he could have had #he’s so Ryland grace coded…..#kunikida doppo

neep365

caught

#ohhh gorgeous #what if I sob #akutagawa spider imagery my beloved #beautiful work op #kyouka izumi #akutagawa ryuunosuke

kyouka-supremacy

Every day I thank Beast for making what was an already complex and multilayered relationship an even more complex and multilayered relationship

The layers it adds to the sskk dynamics... How much they have in common... Helping to distinguish what of their behavior was shaped by their upbringing and what wasn't and instead is part of their nature... And most importantly how they would have literally loved each other if it hadn't been for the circumstances. They would have clicked at the first encounter. They would have affably chatted like they were longtime friends. They would have sympathized with the other and genuinely enjoyed the other's presence. AND ALL OF THIS IS CANON

Tbh I think Beast's main theme is that Atsushi and Akutagawa love each other and that any grudge they hold against the other is the consequence of the society they live in no I don't take criticism. What hits hardest - really, hardest - is the fact that even while fighting in Beast, they knew the other had no fault. They knew the other was just doing what they had to do, and it couldn't be any other way. They would have done the same thing in their place, and in a way they were doing exactly that, because their positions - fighting for their little sisters' lives - were nearly identical. As paradoxical as it may sound, even while fighting, they were sympathizing one with the other. The most beautiful yet cruel difference between Beast and canon is that while in canon they fight against each other because there's a difference in their ideals / goals, and can't understand the other's motivations, in Beast they do have such knowledge, they do understand and even go as far as to relate to the other's motivations, yet because of cruel fate they can't evade fighting - despite they would rather not to!!!! Despite actually saying they're sorry for what they're doing!!!! - because the circumstances compelled them to kill each other, a destiny they can't escape. And it's so tragic, and it's so beautiful, and it shows how deeply connected they are, and how much they're made for each other.

#sobs #if bsd beast didnt exist i dont think i'd care this much about sskk and i'm not kidding #it really adds such a beautiful complex layer to both atsushi's and akutagawa's characters #and their relationship together #like YES a story entirely focused on my protag and his foil. how it should be

(me re-reading chapter 14 of eih)

#oh my god??????#first part evil. absolutely fucking EVILLL #second part i'm blushing so hard that i literally have to stop reading every few seconds what is WRONG with you girl #dont @ me i know i wrote it like HOW. this is insanity.#i dont know. it felt different when writing it and it feels different when reading it #i dont know how else to describe it.

should the epilogue of 'everything in halves' be posted as one chapter or two?

one long chapter

two shorter chapters

Voting ended on19h

For context:

this would not change the posting schedule, I'd still post the entire epilogue the same day

the epilogue is going to be like. 10k words or more i think. so the 'shorter' chapters are going to be not that short

the epilogue consists of two parts; back in original world and back in the BEAST world

propaganda for one chapter: symbolizes them being split in half then coming back together - 8 chapters for part 1, 8 chapters for part 2, 1 chapter (them merging together) for part 3. meant to be read together so doesn't have an arbitrary split line between chapters. it feels like a more definitive 'end' chapter if they're together and feels like a better end to the story overall in this manner.

propaganda for two chapters: if we're going for symmetry then this works better - 9 chapters for original universe, 9 chapters for BEAST universe. some people may get confused that its two different universes in the same chapter so its clearer if they're separated. more digestible length for people who dont like reading 10k in one setting (although if you dont what are you doing reading my fics.... thats just how long my chapters get jfc)

#i am not including a third option which is 'girl who the fuck caressss' because it is the correct option #originally it was gonna be 2 chapters but the more i think about it being 1 the more i like it. metaphorically speaking.#this is an insight into how much i overthink every single decision about all my stupid ass yaoi fics. yes i'm okay.

doctorweebmd

(cracks knuckles) alright. lets make herstory

starting wordcount eih epilogue: 7200

doctorweebmd

'ending' wordcount: 8300. very surprising i somehow added another 1k words as I spent the last few hours re-reading the fic and putting in thoughts/short dialogues/reminders about plot points that I had forgotten to address rather than actually 'writing,' per se. its going to need a lot of whittling because its definitely impossible to address EVERYTHING but you know me i'm incapable of shutting up. alas.

#ok this is going to drive me crazy. its clearly going to be 10k+. do i keep it as one chapter or split it.#i'm gonna crowdsource the answer whateverrrr