I Just Wanna Thank God

East African. Toronto girl with an open mind that leads her into trouble most of the time

[fi-amannillah]

There are sunsets in the future just waiting to be seen by us.

[documentwhatimbecoming]

4:02PM

The coolest part about Islam for me is the fact that the more I’m going out of my way to deep drive and learn, the more I’m realizing that the small acts of service that I do to get a rush of dopamine is actually encouraged and rewarded in Islam. Alhamdulilahi rabil Allaameen. How merciful and compassionate is our Lord? It’s easy to get lost in this dunya and believe that everything you see

[serenityofstillness]

[free-my-mindd]

[documentwhatimbecoming]

5:25 AM

Apart of me still can’t accept that we just finished burying Abdirahim. I slept in Abdirahims bed, in his room and used his bathroom all while shuddering at the fact he is no longer with us. 24 hours ago though, he was in this exact same bathroom. I loved him very much. Little does he know wallahi nor was I ever able to share how much he’s helped me overcome the grief from losing abeh. It comforted me knowing how much he loved my dad as his own. It comforted me knowing that although he can’t come to Canada anymore, he still made an effort to teach my husband about the man my father was. These convos and these laughs will forever live in my heart. All the times we comforted each other thinking about the treatment of our uncles, it’ll live forever in my heart. I looked your mother in the eye along with your baby siblings and told them I got them, and for you Abdirahim, I will stay true to my promise.

I’m so sorry that the last time I was in Columbus was in 2016 and that was to bury your dad. The first burial I’ve ever been to in my life and the last one until we buried you. We gave salams to Adeero as we walked past your grave. You are meters away from each other. May Allah swt cool the aching of my heart when I think about you and turn it into rewards because of how much you’ve impacted me to want to become a better person. A sweet person like you Abdirahim. My sweet sweet beautiful cousin that never left me without a smile on my face. Even our last convo discusses how much we miss Abeh macaan.

Abeh died July 19th 2022. I always felt awful knowing it’s muses birthday. It’s your death that made me realize that abehs death anniversary isn’t only about Muse. It’s also about someone beloved in my heart that shares a birthday with muse. Someone that single handedly till this day has no idea she helped navigate me on wanting to be a better daughter to my dad because we were kids when we lost hers. They were the same type of dads. Old school, compassionate, but really strong on the daqaan. Growing up in the western world I didn’t appreciate the disconnect of ppl with daqaan. Now that they’re gone my heart yearns for the chance to let them know all the ways they’ve shaped me. Alhamdulilah for all the good and bad. I’m so happy to be at a place where I can talk about Abeh macaan with straight ease because I know I was beloved to him, despite all the stuff that was unclear around the time he died. Alhamdulilah for the clarity now. May I be the pious daughter that is your gateway to jannah, even though you probably don’t need my deeds. You died in salah abeh macaaan. You died the way you lived, and you always warned me as a child to be careful about how you live, bc the way you live is the way you died.

May Allah swt grant us all an honourable ending.

[cantodelua]

[public-enemyy]

[analogdialog]

[without-ado]

l Leȯ

[psikonauti]

[unreadable]

[documentwhatimbecoming]

5:50 AM

November 4th. 7 more days until a full year married. 365 days. What a rollercoaster of excitement and emotions it’s been. Would have never been able to handle the grief of everything that came out of 2022 without you in my corner. And 2023 was about settling into this new normal. Thank you for remaining a man and strong throughout the times you were my easiest target. Appreciate the nights you were literally my ears. It’s not easy for u to see me sad and you wiped my tears provided the space to feel it each time. I went to Africa for the first time within this year. The “motherland” but to me it felt like a foreign country. A foreign country with the history of my parents and everything they’ve endured. I went to many countries but never prioritized the motherland. First country I ever heard adhaan playing. First country where every single person looks like me. May Allah swt forgive me for waiting too long and feeling it’s emptiness. I experienced Somalia with one of my loving parents still is beside me while I prayed for Allah’s mercy at the grave of the other. 365 days. So much has happened. And we overcame it all halal. Here’s to forever more days to go. I pray that Allah swt forever keeps your heart soft for me. And you continue to learn me. I don’t know how my homebody ass is still able to entertain you all these years of you knowing all there is to know about me. I love your family. I love every inch of you and even the parts about you that make me want to murder you. Here’s to a sincere duaa that my love will grow to exceed the burst in my heart the of that one time, the first time, 34 Rondale Blvd, February and feeezing…. but i laid eyes on your dimple.

[vsfic]

[bru-who]

[jca-archive]

[forpsalms]

Embrace (Unknown)

[ai-dream]