siouxie

||hw:69 | cw:66 | lw:48 | gw:BUFF | h:170cm|| i can do a pull up (flex)

[doeyeded]

I learned how to do a pull up and that's been my personality for the whole of past week. no swinging, no momentum, just a clean up and down pull up B)

[doeyeded]

if you're feeling bad about your body, go jerk off. not have sex, jerk off, I'm 100% serious.

[doeyeded]

nah y'all I give up, maybe it's maturing but I don't get the high of losing weight anymore. I know I'm so self contradicting all the time but that's the brain fightinggg. like yes I'd love to be skinny but my heart's just not in it anymore. I'm a fitness monster now, fear me for I just get buff now and that's the only goal (watch me change my mind in a month)

[doeyeded]

Week 2

on Monday I took a sleeping pill to even out my schedule cause I've been actually sleeping 2h a day and just weird shit overall and it made me have a giant sweet tooth right before falling asleep, that was fucked up but it's okay, we move on. there was nothing to fucking eat at home on Tuesday I was so mad I had to have fries, I wanted chicken and salad. cried about it too. rest of the week honestly fine

Monday - small walk • 2 crepes with vegan nutella • x3 (over the whole day) mint and raspberry tea • 6 gummies • bowl of broccoli • hotdog with cheese and sauce • handful of chips (fries) • 2 gingerbread • 2 mini twix and 1 mini snickers • 3 ptasie mleczko (just Google it, it's like a covered chocolate souflet? marshmallow??)

Tuesday - monster 0 • cali abs • weightlifting upper • walk/jog/run treadmill • protein shake on water • cardboard bread with protein cream spread and ham x2 • 7 nuggets • 1 sausage • some fries with sauce

Wednesday - 4 slices of cardboard bread (it's 26kcal per 1 slice if anyone was wondering) with cream protein spread and ham • half a garlic baguette • walk • 2 nutella crepes • x2 chicken soup with some pasta • boyfriend made homemade buldak type thing and he left half so I finished for him • x3 tea • 7 days

Thursday - half a baguette with basil pesto, prosciutto and mozzarella • gym upper • abs cali • protein shake on water • spaghetti bowl • apple • small ice-cream • chamomile tea • chocolate bar • mini snickers

Friday - banana • gym lower sess • treadmill walk • protein shake on water • dinner salad thing (ground turkey, spinach, paprica, corn, salad, skyr) • 5 cupcakes • tea • some just straight up ham cause I don't want it to go bad • 3 cardboard bread with cream protein spread and ham

Saturday - apple • tangerine • 3 cupcakes • 2 mambas • same dinner as yesterday • 3 toast with cheese, onion and ham • banana • tea • 3 squares of white chocolate

Sunday - it was Easter and a bday, I didn't pay enough attention, too bad

[doeyeded]

hip thrusts are so good but I never do them cause we don't have a machine and setting it all up on the floor with a bar is so tedious. I just found out you can do it on the smith tho so I go, I set up the bench, I lower the bar and wow, it doesn't go that low. the lowest it goes is top of the rep meaning I can't do it. so I just set it up, sat like an idiot for 1min contemplating and left. I'm mad I can't do it and on top of that I looked absolutely moronic thats great

[h3avilymedicated]

i may have a messed up relationship with food but i am NOT fatphobic miss me with that shit

[doeyeded]

would it disappoint anyone if I wasn't trying to get skinnier??? I feel so bad about posting the eating summary because I know I could "do better" but I don't think I'm trying to starve myself anymore... I just want some control in my life and that means making the choice to eat an extra cookie too?? sorry for being so all over the place as if anyone even cares that much about this besides me. I guess this is just a wieiad with an ana mentality sprinkle blog now

[doeyeded]

I hate today so much I feel so bad about today. crushed it with the workouts and now none of that will fucking matter.

[doeyeded]

I feel like a fucking failure because there is no food at the house, nothing at all and we have divided chores. my mum has a car, she goes shopping. she got mad and yelled at me that I didn't tell her we need shopping. CANT U SEE THE EMPTY FRIDGE???? anyway, there is no food except like frozen shit. I spent so much time at the gym today, worked so hard and wanted to eat chicken salad. healthy, light, protein. nothing home though. I can only eat fries and nuggets or mini pizzas. that's all there is. I don't want to because it feels like so much wasted work but I also need to because if I don't eat today then my body will learn fucked up patterns again and I don't want that or I'm way more likely to binge or do something stupid tomorrow. I don't know what to do I've just been crying about this for the past 3h I just want chicken.

[doeyeded]

Week 1

I don't mean for this to be like omg look how much / little I ate. I kind of need to see the food for myself, get back into mindful eating because I've been struggling with binging a lot lately. noting stuff down just keeps me accountable in a way. also I know this isn't below 1000kcal a day, obviously, could even be surpassing 2k. but for now, getting control of the binge and getting the gym consistent is what matters to me

Thursday - 1 tictac • vodka with cola • borsch mug • a few fries from bf • weightlifting upper gym sess • protein shake on water • half a kebab

Friday - core calisthenics • skyr with protein powder, a tsp of peanut butter, some chia, and a scoop of granola • half lasagne slice • cabbage rolls with potato and sauce but I didn't eat the cabbage cuz ew • borsch mug • sandwich with a slice of cheese

Saturday - slice of bread with peanut butter and a banana • green tea with some honey • big walk • tortilla with salad, chicken and some fries • cinnamon biscoff something?? • quarter of a baguette with prosciutto, mozzarella, basil pesto and salad • melissa tea

Sunday - coffee with a lil milk • banana • slice of bread with ham • weightlifting upper gym sess • protein shake half water half milk • 2 lasagne slices • 5 gummies • 2 cardboard breads with thinly protein cream spread (instead of butter) and ham • borsch mug

[doeyeded]

found my old nudes and lowk body goals😭😭 bring this back

[stellaaxxblog]

"oh my god i'm disgusting, i'm sooo fat" SAYS MY BEST FRIEND WHO'S 54 KILOS

i love her, i really do. But having to listen her talking about how fat she is while i'm here sitting in the bathroom purging everything i ate because i can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror it's just so irritating.

I KNOW YOU'RE NOT FAT, I WAS 54 KILOS AT MY LW for god's sake

[doeyeded]

i fucking hate weight loss cause it always brings on the urges of just drink instead of eating, doesn't help that when I was a drunk I was actually the skinniest I've ever been

[doeyeded]

I was gonna start from Monday so I could do week 1 Monday - Sunday but that's an excuse no? I can just have week 1 Thursday - Sunday and that's what I'm gonna do. I don't want judgement or any of that, I just need to see for myself how and what I'm eating since I've been struggling with BED for the first time in my life. the self awareness is the key for me ig. also I'm keeping my safety net, borsch packet soups ToT. whenever I feel a binge coming on and I can't stop thinking about food I just eat that. it's low kcal but has a lot of taste and it's soup so water, it just helps and I'd rather do 5 emergency soups which is like 50-200kcal per 1, depending how much I make and how concentrated, than binge on fries or chocolate or something. the meal vibe for this week is cardboard bread with cream cheese, skyr yoghurt, salad and chicken bowls, carrot, broccoli and cauliflower snacks. let's pray it works!! (but I still have some lasagne left so that's the 1st round of dinners)

[doeyeded]

ok well like I said, I'm gonna go back to logging everything in since just balling isn't bringing results. I really don't wanna be exact tho, that was hell, so I think it's gonna be more of a weekly check in rather than daily and just "2 pieces of lasagne" instead of every ingredient measured and marked. that was actually miserable and so hard and that's the only reason why I stopped, not because I had trouble eating like that, but because I was so done counting the food

[doeyeded]

ive been cutting my own hair for years but recently I tried a hairdresser and they FUCKED up SO BAD. and that's making it even harder to lose weight because I know even if I get skinnier I'm not gonna look better, genuinely would look better fat with longer hair than skeletal with whatever this is. it's so demotivating

[doeyeded]

if I say I'm locking in this time fr is anyone even believing me atp🙏