Author’s Note: had to post a sad one for my baby Gray!! oh yeah also thIS IS VERY SAD just a heads up lol enjoy!!
Warnings: Sadness, slight cursing
Prompt: You were married to the love of your life for only 36 hours. Weeks pass and you just want a sign that he’s watching over you.
“Just Married!” Read the shattered windshield.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. It shouldn’t have ended. But it did.
Faint sirens could be heard, becoming louder and louder with each second that passed. Cars stopped, people got out, covering their mouth. Perhaps they knew of the people in the car, or perhaps not. But everyone had the same look in their face; the one where tears rushed to your eyes and dared to pour over while you couldn’t get a word out because you’re in complete shock. They all felt the same way, their heart felt heavy and had a heartbeat that was out of their chest. They felt heartbroken, and they didn’t even know them.
They could see a car, one that was flipped completely over, windshield shattered with smoke rushing from the exhaust as the other car faced the right way, but a huge dent in the front. The hood was off the car and so was the front right tire.
The smoke started to cloud up the air, the smell of gasoline present. The weather seemed completely inaccurate to portray what was happening. The sky was a bright blue, not a cloud in sight. The temperature was warm, with a nice breeze to cool you down. A perfect day. Almost perfect at least.
It was so cold. So so cold, despite the sun beaming against the ground. You could hear things. Your eyes were glued shut. Your body hurt so much but you couldn’t move it at all. Your lack of vision made your hearing stronger, so you based your surroundings on that.
The only thing you could hear were people screaming in the back, men directing people where to go as others came over to the scene. You heard people being told to move back as footsteps were louder and approaching. You felt a liquid surrounding you and you assumed it was water as you were practically breathing it in. The winds kicked in and your body was barely able to let out a shiver.
You heard things becoming unlatched and snapping until your body was picked up.
“There’s blood all over her,” a voice said as it carried you onto a stretcher. That liquid was blood, not water.
You felt yourself being rushed into an ambulance where 3 people worked on you at once, contact sound in the background.
“Honey, I need you to give me a sign that you can move. Move your fingers or your toes, anything,” a lady said, and despite her voice being soft she said it in a firm way.
You still couldn’t open your eyes. Your body couldn’t seem to move, but your fingers move an inch to crawl over to hers as you grabbed it tightly.
“Grayson,” you managed to croak out, and that was all that could come out before all the sound went out.
You woke up in a hospital bed. Sound came back to you again, and all you heard were beeps that were tracking your heart rate.
Slowly your eyes began to peel open. It shut suddenly due to the excessive light, and took a few more seconds for it to get used to the light. Your eyes scanned your surroundings. You were in a hospital bed, balloons and flowers surrounding you. People had been bringing in so many of them the hospital had to cut them off.
The pain that you felt now was much smaller than the pain you felt earlier, although you were still hurting. You entire body hurt, but small spurts of pain were more focused near your back and wrists. You still had no idea what had happened.
You looked to the side and saw your mother, sleeping on the couch that was next to your bed.
“Mom.” She didn’t wake up.
“Mom.” You said again louder. In a frenzy her head whipped up and she seemed startled as she looked at you like you had 4 eyes.
“Oh my god! You’re awake! Oh my god!”she exclaimed. Her loudness attracted 2 nurses to rush in, in the same frenzy that your mom woke up in. They looked particularly shocked to see you awake, just laying in your hospital. Both rushed over to check on you as your mom observed.
You couldn’t tell what exactly they were doing. They looked at the computer screen, to you, back to the computer screen and so on and so forth. But the last thing that was on your mind was what they were doing. You wanted to know where he was.
The two nurses seemed confused and cocked their head to the side as your mother looked down. Despite their actions, no one answered.
“Where is Grayson?”you asked once again, this time with more force and demand. You hardly ever talked like that, but this was a different occasion.
“He’s in the ICU sweetie. He’s-He’s not doing that well,” your mother finally answered.
“I want to see him.” You weren’t taking anything from anyone. You were seeing your husband. You didn’t care. You were seeing him.
“Oh I don’t think that’s the best-”one of the nurses started but you quickly cut her off.
“I don’t care. I am seeing Grayson. That’s it,” you said, rather forcibly.
The nurses looked nervous as if they didn’t know what to do, but your mom stepped in.
“It’s fine. Let her see him,” your mom assured. They nodded and helped you to your feet, getting the hospital gown situated on you as it was discombobulated. You shook your head to your mom and she grabbed the clothes she had next to her. She knew her daughter too well.
You went into your bathroom to change slowly, pain still present in your back and wrist. But not nearly as bad as before. You exited the bathroom and were using your mom as a guide to walk as you both followed the nurses.
She led you down the hallway and then to the elevator where you descended to the 2nd floor. You continued to slowly walk to Grayson’s room but couldn’t help notice people outside the other hotel rooms. Many of them were sobbing and it made your stomach turn as you felt sick.
When the nurse finally stopped at the door you were hesitant and your mom took the opportunity to open the door. You followed her in and your eyes scanned the room. They didn’t allow any gifts in the ICU so his looked more empty than yours. He was surrounded by different doctors and nurses and they fell quiet upon you, which made you lightheaded.
You saw a mirror and went over to look at your reflection. You had multiple cuts all over your face, and stitches on your forehead.
Your eyes found Grayson as he lay in the bed motionless and lifeless. He had tubes and wires coming out of what seemed like every part of his body and the sight was enough to make you shudder.
“I would start to say goodbye.” A doctor recommended. You looked at him with your big puppy eyes and he shook his head because he couldn’t bare with the pain he would see you have to go through. He left the room, followed by everyone but your mother. You nodded, letting her know you wanted to be alone and she placed her hand on yours before exiting.
Staring at Grayson, you took in his features. His radiant skin seemed quite dull as it was covered in cuts and bruises. You watched his chest slowly rise and then go back down to his breathing patterns. This was the love of your life you were looking at.
You didn’t know what to say. What were you supposed to say? You bent down next to him, your elbows resting on his bed.
“I uh. I don’t even know what to say or where to start.” You sat there for a moment before talking again.
“I guess I’ll start off by saying thank you. Thank you for showing me there’s more to the world than I thought. Thank you for showing me how to love like no other. Thank you for showing me the world in only 7 years. Thank you. And thank you for everything. For all the memories we had, the laughs we shared. Thank you.” You stopped to recollect yourself, sniffling in your sobs as you continued. You reached out to grab his hand one last time. You felt your heart slowly shattering.
“And most importantly, thank you for loving me. For loving me the way no one else ever could. Thank you for letting me be your wife. Even if it was only for 36 hours, I wouldn’t want anyone else for me. I love you so much.
I don’t know what I could do without you.” But unfortunately, you would soon learn.
That was all you could make out before the long beep rang. Doctors came rushing in and it was your turn to be one of the sobbing people. Your mom held you in her arms as you sobbed uncontrollably. You felt your heart break. Grayson’s family, Ethan, they were all there. They all felt the pain. But no one felt the loss more than you did. And everyone could agree to that.
So you cried, and cried. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that the love of your life just died. And you thought life had just begun.
People ask you when you fall off a bike if your ok. They ask how bad it hurt when you got stung by a bee. They ask how bad it burns when you have strep throat. But how do you describe a broken heart?
Your heart broke the second those beeps came out. The second you were priced away from Grayson. You felt your heart stop for a moment. Everything seemed to move too fast that it was slow. Your heart felt like something was ripping each tendon away piece by piece.
Out of all the things you’ve ever been through in your life, this had to hurt the most. By far.
Dark. You had seen nothing but darkness for the past 3 weeks. Your room had been the only place you stayed in, with an occasional visit to the bathroom or kitchen. Nowhere further. The long, purple drapes you had covering the windows were completely shut, not letting in an inch of sunlight. You had made no attempt at anything whatsoever. You didn’t think of eating, showering or all the other daily parts of your routine. All you thought about was him.
Your appearance showed your lack of living. Your eyes sunk into your skin and your jawbones were most certainly prominent. The once radiant glowing skin you had was dull and desperate for water. But you neglected your body. You didn’t care.
Your parents helped you, mostly your mother though. She came everyday after work to find you asleep. She got out of work at 5pm.
It seemed that when it was time to go to bed, your mind had other plans. It made you scream, cry, kick. It made you look over to your left, where a body should be, and see nothing. It made you roll over, and instead of bumping into Grayson, who would take you into his arms and kiss your head even while he was in the middle of his sleep, you would just go right to the other side.
You missed the warmth of his body. You missed the snores that would escape his mouth, booming around the house if he was sick. You missed the little things, like when you put your cold feet on him to get a reaction, and laughed while he squirmed. You missed him dramatically falling on top of you when he was tired, pretending to fall asleep while practically crushing you.
Except now you felt the whole world pounding down and crushing you piece by piece.
You missed him trying to be sneaky and push you closer against him when he was in the mood.
“Oh my god, when are you not horny?” you laughed, feeling the not-so-discrete message Grayson was pressing against your butt.
“I’ve only been like this around you.”
To make up for the loss of warmth, you grabbed Grayson’s favorite blanket ever. It was a pink fur one that had the warmest inside alignment ever. He would always grab it to cuddle with you, and you’d always grab it to cover him when he fell asleep on the couch from exhaustion.
You pressed that up against you when you felt you couldn’t catch your breath. When the hot tears poured from your eyes as you coughed and choked while sobbing. When you felt the pain of a thousand widows, even though you were just one. You reached for the blanket and just held it in your arms. Your tears would eventually stop and you’d regain your normal breathing pattern as you clutched it in your hands. And every single night, you would whisper it goodnight and kiss it as if it were Grayson.
So you’d typically fall asleep around the time the sun was just starting to show up. While the sky painted pretty colors of pink and orange, you were in your first dream.
All you wanted to do was sleep too. It let you escape from your reality. You woke up to the smell of pancakes, specifically the ones Grayson would make and call his ‘masterpiece recipe.’ You went into the kitchen to find Grayson shirtless with a stack of his banana pancakes ready for you. You jumped on his and attacked him with kisses. Then you woke up. It was a dream.
You’d usually be awoken by your mother, whose heart was breaking for you. Seeing her little girl, the girl whose heart she created for 9 months and watched her grow to be this inspirational woman suddenly fall apart, her heart ached.
She’d wake you up and you’d protest wanting to go back to sleep.
“Honey you have so get up sometime,” she gently cooed. But you weren’t having it.
“I just want to sleep. I hate waking up. It brings all the pain back.”
Then you slowly started to get back at things. You’d begin to shower without your mom nudging you to. Granted you took almost 2 hours in the shower getting lost with your thoughts, it was an improvement.
Then you started to cook again. You’d always loved to cook, especially around Grayson. You’d have completions as to who cooked the best meal, and have Ethan rate it. Of course he chose you, but Grayson always said it was a biased opinion because it was his brother. He never wanted to admit that you were just simply better, but it made you laugh.
You went downstairs to your kitchen for the first time in weeks and saw multiple gifts and food all over your kitchen and living room. People sent their condolences with all sorts of gifts, food arrangements and cards. You found it to be close to comforting. Not that much, but it was still something.
A week later you were doing better than you would’ve ever thought. You just finished up your shower and decided to cook a meal for you and your mother. You felt bad you were putting her through all of this. Your mother couldn’t care less, she just cared about you getting better. You had just lost your husband, she didn’t care if it took all the time in the world. But there was that selfishness you had in you.
So when your mom opened the door to your house one day at 5pm to find you with a towel on your head drying your hair in the twist, stirring food around on the stove and softly humming to the music, she clutched her chest and closed her eyes, smiling satisfied. She was so happy you were getting better.
Things had started to progress each and every day. You had been starting to communicate with people outside again. Your neighbors were so happy to see you, and it made you feel better.
Pictures got out from paparazzi of you just taking a simple trip to the food store to get food that you could start cooking. When the picture surfaced people flooded the comment sections on your Twitter, instagram, you name it. They all expressed how happy they were that you were back and hoped you were doing well.
So in general, you were getting better. It took months to get to those little baby steps, but you were taking bigger steps now.
However, you had your days where you fell backwards. Those days were the worst. The day before you thought all was well, and then it all crashed.
You didn’t know what triggered it. Something must have caused it, but you didn’t know what it was.
All you remember was becoming hysterical as loud sobs filled the house and you were gasping for air. You cried. And cried. And cried.
Perhaps it was a good thing. Surely didn’t feel good, but everyone as some point as the days where they aren’t the best, and need some kind of reminder. But you missed Grayson so much. You just wanted him to hold you in his huge arms and say everything was going to be just fine.
You just wanted a sign. A sign that he was here, watching over you.
Your mind went to all the memories you had with when he tried to cheer you up.
You remember one time being super stressed out. You had 3 big exams coming up that counted for a majority of your grade. Not to mention they were all in the same day. And better yet, the day before you had just lost your grandmother. You were in a terrible place and just wanted to cry the whole day, but you knew you had to take these exams. To say you were stressed was an understatement.
But Grayson, being the caring and observant person he was, knew there was just something he had to do. He forced you to take a “quick run into Walmart to see if there was any ideas you could get for your paper from there,” but that wasn’t the case. You didn’t realize until you were 25 minutes into the car ride that the nearest Walmart was a 7 minute drive.
You insisted Grayson brought you back home so you could study but he just nodded and put the music up, not listening to a word you were saying. He was listening however, but was not going to turn around.
He pulled up to this spot that you had to walk up a cliff and around a few branches to get to.
“This is ridiculous. Here I am getting scratched by branches when I could be doing something, you know, useful,” you huffed as a branch sliced across your skin for the 4th time. Grayson just shook his head.
“We’re almost there babe.” And he was right. You had to admit that the view was beautiful. And it completely faded away all your thoughts about your tests.
So you just spent the next few hours until sunset observing how the pretty sky colors faded into the water. You were able to see a faint rainbow appear after a sun shower had just happened.
“When I’m gone, think of me as a rainbow.” Grayson said. You looked over at him, his eyes wide and bright with fascination.
“Because that’s the sign I’m going to give to you. To let you know that I’m there with you. And that I love you.”
And you needed that sign so bad right now. But you couldn’t have it. All you could have was the darkness of the night and the heaviness of your eyes weighing you down. You grabbed the familiar blanket and as soon as you hit the pillow you were out like a light.
You woke up to your alarm going off. You groaned at the familiar beeping that filled your room. You had set an alarm clock every morning at 9am to make sure you got up and did something. That was your promise to get better. But you sure did feel like crap.
Looking around you remembered the events that occurred last night. You slowly sat up in your bed and turned to face your pillow. There were still wet spots from where your eyes rested.
You rubbed your eyes and picked the built up crust out of the inner corners as you lay back in bed, your head hitting the pillows with a thud. Couldn’t you just stay in bed all day?
No. You got up and went to the bathroom, making sure to pee before looking in the mirror. Although there was nothing on your face, you still wiped your face as if there were tears. Your eyes were slightly puffy and you had dry lips. Your hair was all over the place and you tried to push it out of your face before it flipped right back down. You were a mess.
Deciding to take a shower to fix your appearance, you made sure to make it no more than 30 minutes so you didn’t get lost in your thoughts.
After getting out you put on a bra and tank top along with sweatpants and socks. You fixed the necklace Grayson had given you on your 5th date so the clasp was in the back and twiddled your wedding ring around your ring finger. Sighing, you knew what you had to do.
Since Grayson had proposed to you you two had all sorts of ideas. One of them was to remake one of the rooms you had into a memory of your wedding day. It was so you would never forget the day of your wedding, and anytime you two would fight you would have to go in there so it would remind you of the wonderful relationship you two had.
So you made your way down the hallway you hadn’t been near in almost 4 weeks. You pushed the door open slowly and took baby steps in. You were shocked at how pretty it had actually looked. It was beautiful.
There were pictures of your wedding displayed all around the room with lights that connected them. A chandelier fell from the ceiling, which was the one you both wanted from the first day you saw it. A radio played the song you danced to at your wedding softly in the background on repeat. You could never get tired of hearing it.
Your wedding dress was still on the mannequin in your room. It was placed near the window and faced the open world. The drapes that were once closed for over 3 weeks were finally wide open. The sun made it glisten and shine in all the right places. The up-close detailing was one you made sure to pay extra attention to. This dress had to be your perfect dress, afterall it was your wedding. You had taken over 9 months to find it, but once you tried it on you immediately fell in love with it. It had lace trimming around the sleeves, neck area and down until it feathered out into one long lace veil that went feet beyond your dress. It was simply gorgeous.
You couldn’t help the tears that formed in your eyes. Faint colors were starting to show on the dress. First red, then orange and yellow, then green and blue and lastly purple. The colors of the rainbow came together in one strip and formed a line over the dress, that still shone in the sunlight.
A cool tear escaped your eye, trailing down your cheek. You sucked in a shaking breath and then smiled, tears starting to stream.
You asked for a sign, and had finally gotten one.
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