The idea of '03 Bishop as an adoptive father has been eating away at my frontal lobe for weeks.
Now I think we all can unanimously agree that he'd be horrendous as a parent. But I want to examine the specific ways and details of how and why he'd fail miserably as well as how his behaviors would affect the child as a person.
Before we get into how I perceive him in this area, I feel it's important to establish his motivations behind taking on a kid when he clearly fucking shouldn't in the eyes of any other normal person (aka anyone else at the EPF who knows this is happening but is too scared to say anything to him about how bad of an idea this is)
Motivation:
I cannot see Bishop willingly taking on this task of raising a child without it being attached to his character motivation of needing to "protect the Earth" and maintaining his sense of control and power to keep himself prepared for when an antagonistic extraterrestrial force threatens the planet (which is tied to his canon trauma of being abducted and experimented on by a group of aliens).
That being said, I can only see him taking on a kid if the opportunity came about organically. That meaning he would not go seeking out some orphan on the streets to take in. The kid would have to be presented by an event that would lead him to think that this is actually a good opportunity for him to get a pet project of his off the ground i.e. mold the kid into a model soldier/agent/scientist/anything that would be beneficial to the EPF.
He'd see the kid as an investment, a very valuable future resource that would eventually contribute greatly to his work/goals.
With that established, I'll now get into his behaviors as a parent:
General Behaviors:
This man would be incredibly controlling. The ultimate helicopter parent, always hovering or watching from afar (at least during training or any activity he'd have the kid put through). This kid's entire life from their clothes to their diet to their training and studies would be scheduled out for them day by day. Structure is important for kids, but this one has very minimal free time and almost no outlets to explore their own identity outside of pursuing the goal that Bishop has told them to pursue.
He'd also be exceedingly emotionally neglectful. Bishop does NOT want to hear about how this kid is feeling. It makes him uncomfortable and he really doesn't care to engage in that area of parenting. This might not be super unusual for an over zealous military parent but Bishop is especially egregious in this area. He probably would not even care to hear the kid address him as 'Dad' or 'Father', but rather his title as Commander of the EPF or just 'sir'.
Kid would otherwise physically be provided for. They'd have their own little room in the base (near wherever Bishop sleeps if he even does that, the freak does not rest ever, I am convinced of this). As they grew up, they'd have smaller sizes of the casual standard issued military uniform until they grew into normal sizing. They'd probably eat with the other EPF soldiers in the mess hall on the base, though I can't imagine they'd have a lot to talk about with the others seeing as everyone is at least 10 years their senior.
This kid would be neglected in areas they desperately need support in and micromanaged in others where they should be given freedom to establish their independence, especially as they grew into their teenage years.
In Bishop's mind, all there is to parenting is keeping the kid alive and ensuring they become a useful member to society. He's not about to deal with the icky emotions and big feelings that come with a child growing into their own person.
He would likely lecture and bulldoze them if they ever brought up how something made them upset or, god forbid, ever questioned him or the purposes behind the EPF.
Education and Training:
Education:
He'd take the kid's education extremely seriously. Remember he sees them as an investment and future benefit to the EPF so he would naturally do everything he could to prepare them to be the most successful resource possible. And since he sees them as an investment more than their own person (and because he's a massive control freak), he would have no problem taking them out of the school on the military base and taking over their education himself.
I believe he'd impart as much of his own knowledge as he could onto the kid, both because he wants them to succeed and because he secretly appreciates an enthusiastic student. You cannot convince me that he wouldn't be an engaging teacher one on one. Bishop would likely value hands on learning since he has done an incredible amount of self-study over the years and would value that approach when passing on what he's learned.
He'd emphasize to the child how vital it is not just to learn what they could but also how to apply that knowledge to their work and adapt accordingly. This would probably be the most valuable thing he'd ever teach them.
This fucker has been around a long ass time too, so he'd have an extensive list of things to teach the kid.
Agent John Bishop's List of Essential Homeschool Topics:
Biology, more specifically genetics (and eventually how that pertains to cloning if the kid shows interest in becoming a geneticist/researcher)
Biochemistry
Anatomy and Physiology
Physics
Mathematics specifically statistics
Data analysis
Civics
Political science
US history specifically US military history
World history (at least the broad strokes because let's be honest he's very American centric)
I like to think he would also take the kid to different bases around the country (or maybe even internationally) at times when missions required it (and the kid begged and begged to tag along). He would see it as a learning experience and a good way to expose the kid to their future job conditions. The kid would just be excited to leave the base and have one on one time with their father figure.
Training:
Bishop would be running this kid ragged the older they got in an effort to prep them physically for a military career. I think he'd plan for them go through the motions of basic training once they turned 18, let serve in active combat possibly for a bit if they wanted, build up their experience for a few years, and then they'd have a job lined up and waiting for them once they returned to the EPF (Nepo Military Brat TM).
For this reason, he would not encourage them to pursue a college education, because the point of college is to further your knowledge and skills to get a job. Since he's already provided them a straightforward achievable path in that regard, university is pointless.
Bishop's Training List:
Hand to hand combat practice
Obstacle course
General strength and cardio workout routines
Weapons safety training
Marksmanship
Reconnaissance training
Each of these areas would be worked into the kid's strict schedule with the goal of them being more than prepared by the time they reached eligible age to start basic training and officially enter the military.
Effects of These Choices:
Now, we get into the "fun" part...
This kid would be incredibly poorly socialized. Being pulled out of school, away from the chance to interact and bond with kids their own age would lead to them becoming a very socially awkward adult who does not know how to interact with others that aren't their superiors.
I can see them being so excited at the idea of going into basic training at 18 because it would mean getting away from the EPF for a while where no other recruits would know who they are. At boot camp they wouldn't be the commander's kid, they'd be no one. And that's thrilling. They'd get to make friends with people their own age, exchange stories and bond between getting yelled at by the drill sergeant. It's all they've wanted since Bishop took them out of school when they were like 11 years old.
I hate to think about how this poor child would handle their emotions while growing up with someone as emotionally constipated as John Bishop. Coping strategies vary from person to person but they would likely develop some sort of unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with their inability to properly express their feelings. Rage, dissociation, substance abuse, maladaptive daydreaming, take your pick.
I think the possibility of substance abuse would increase once the kid eventually leaves the EPF and becomes estranged from their lifelong father figure. You could argue that the kid would be likely to stay and I wouldn't say that's unrealistic or an unfair assumption to make. I just prefer the idea of them developing their own sense of self and beliefs despite their restrictive and emotionally neglectful upbringing that leads them to inevitably breaking away from Bishop and the path he had laid out for them.
I love the idea of this teenager/young adult getting away and figuring out what they want out of life, what they value, what they enjoy doing in their free time which was a resource more precious than gold to them when growing up.
I also love to think that once the kid leaves and it becomes evident that they're not going to return, Bishop realizes how attached he had become over the years. As the kid grew up, desperate to please him and gain crumbs of validation and approval, they were pushed away by his neglectful behaviors and cold demeanor. He assumed they would never stray from the path he had painstakingly laid out for them because why would they want to? They had everything they needed right here, didn't they?
We all know by now that Bishop is not one for self-reflection so he would absolutely rage internally over the kid leaving. Not one moment would be spent considering that his actions might have contributed to this outcome.
Ungrateful brat, he'd think, to just throw away everything he had given them, sacrificed for them, the time and energy he had invested in them to ensure they would become the best of the best in their field. They had everything: food, clothes, a bed, a tailored top notch education, proper structured training, good physical health, a job at the EPF basically guaranteed for them once they were old enough, what else could they possibly want?!
After they Leave:
After about a year of searching and finding no sign of the kid, Bishop would eventually need to reign in his resources and continue with his work. Years would go by with business as usual; mission debriefings, field work, meetings with the President, the occasional attendance at political parties to gain further support and funding, etc. but nothing is quite the same. He hates the odd empty feeling in his chest when he passes by their old room, the almost oppressive silence that replaced the excited questions or combative arguments he had become so used to.
More than anything though, he hates this loss of control. Their departure was more than just an act of rebellion and self-fulfillment, it was a reminder of the fact that Bishop cannot control everything in his sphere. And that is unacceptable. He had a reputation to uphold, a standard he held himself to that he always strived maintain. No weakness was acceptable, and he hated the constant reminder of that weakness: his personal feelings for this kid that he hadn't even realized, his lack of complete control.
If he couldn't even control his own feelings about this one situation, how could he expect himself to control everything else? He had bigger responsibilities, more on the line than just some ungrateful brat that had chosen to throw away everything he had ever given them.
At least that's what he tells himself when he's working late at night again, when he passes the kid's boarded up room, the items inside still untouched from the day they left as if waiting for them to return and welcome them back home.
But the EPF was never really their home and Bishop was never really their parent. That was the most heartbreaking fact to accept for the kid before they decided to fully live for themself.
Now, all that's left is for Bishop to accept it as well, but let's be honest, that will never happen. If time has taught Bishop anything, it's that dwelling on the past has done him no favors. So, he'll continue moving forward, ignoring the pain, working towards that future by any means he deems necessary, no matter who it hurts.
So the turnover rate at the EPF has to be insane right?
How long do we think it takes on average before a new recruit transfers out to a different division or decides to end their military career completely and adopt civilian life again?
No way it's more than like 3 years
Picture it:
Life threatening situations on the regular
Spooky X Files level shit is just normal day stuff
A sadistic boss who has proven more than once that he's not above using his own men as unwilling guinea pigs for his genetic research
Anyone remember how he threatened that one soldier in Dragon's Brew (s4e4) with "if you don't find experiment T9581 in the next 30 seconds, you're going to be volunteering for genetic research"? Because I do
Like what even possesses these guys to willingly sign on to the EPF? Does word not travel around about how absolutely batshit the head of the agency is?? Is everyone who manages to leave just too terrified to say anything??? (Probably yeah)
Possibly the most fucked up thing we see Bishop do in the whole show happens in Dragon's Brew (s4e4)
(or rather we see the aftereffects of the worst thing he's possibly ever done)
It's revealed that a genetic experiment T9581, is actually a man that was mutated by Bishop and his team and has been imprisoned by the EPF for an unknown length of time. He's been confined there and planned to be used as a weapon by the US military (if we take into account Hun's line about stealing a "top secret military weapon shipment" earlier in the episode)
That's not the most fucked up part though. That award goes to the moment we find out that Bishop was this man's friend. He wasn't some subordinate like the guy we see Bishop threaten earlier in the episode. This guy was close enough to Bishop that Bishop was asked TO BE IN HIS WEDDING AS HIS BEST MAN
What. The. Fuck. Bishop?
It's so genuinely disturbing and vile. Bishop's cruelty doesn't end with aliens or mutants or anyone else that he thinks is a threat to the Earth or his work.
He was totally fine with mutilating a guy who probably saw Bishop as a good friend.
To make matters worse, this guy has a wife and kid who believe he's dead, but he still remembers them despite how much the mutation has affected his mind/memory. It's so damn sad and was probably the biggest moment I had where I desperately wanted Bishop to get kicked off a pier for what he put this man through.
while I absolutely love the autistic Bishop headcanon and when it comes up in fic, I also think an NVLD diagnosis holds water too. Is this just me projecting? Probably!
First of all, what is NVLD? For the uninitiated, it stands for Non-Verbal Learning Disorder (or Disability, I've heard both). The biggest misconception here is that people with this condition themselves are non-nerbal, which isn't part of the diagnosis in itself (though I'm sure there's non-verbal people out there who also have it). People with NVLD struggle with the parts of learning that aren't verbal. For example:
Facial expressions, taking in paragraphs of information and determining what's important, visual-spatial information and relationships, pattern recognition, and a whole host of other things. If this sounds similar to autism, they do overlap!
I personally don't have autism, but I do have an ADHD diagnosis as well as the NVLD and they intersect. But why do I think Mr "Can't learn his lesson or drive a car" has it too?
Those are also things I struggle with! It's a lot harder to sort relevant information into accurate predictions especially in unfamiliar situations (big picture, something Bishop does poorly) understand how objects move through space and interact with it (driving lol) and recognize patterns unless they're either explained by some outside force or shoved in your face until they start to feel familiar (fucking up dozens of times over the same exact way).
"But, Miles!" I hear you cry. "He's a scientist!"
Very true! He's also stubborn as fuck. If he takes an interest/thinks something is necessary to his work, I don't think the struggle and difficulty would stop him from getting really, really good at it. I think he'd power through until he broke through the other side like he was smashing through a plate glass window. Same with fighting.
Do I think it's canon? Nah. But I can't read analog clocks or tell you what a stranger's face is saying, and I like to think he can't either.
Some reading material, in case you found this interesting (or I explained it badly, lmao)
Learn about nonverbal learning disorder (NVLD), a learning disorder affecting skills like pattern recognition, concept understanding, and so
Also, people with NVLD who know more about it than I do feel free to jump in and correct me! I am not an expert I'm just a guy with a diagnosis and an internet connection.
I LOVE this take ♥️♥️ I especially love the idea that he has issues reading someone's facial expressions and how that would make him kinda awkward to talk to when conversing with civilians but that's also why he'd love the military's culture of being straightforward. When your superior is mad at you, you don't need to read their face. They let you know explicitly that they're pissed and why, as well as what you need to do to fix whatever mistake you made.
Designated monopoly banker no one else can be trusted
Also if they are playing a board game Donnie is the only one who actually reads the instructions. He'll read them out loud but there is like a 3% chance any of them were actually listening.
He has a million niche hobbies like he'll be leaving the lair with a pair of binoculars and a giant encyclopedia and they'll be like donnie where are you going and he'll be like oh I'm going bird watching
He has like an extensive rock collection he started when he was like 7 and if you make the mistake of asking about it he will go through each rock and give an in depth history
At least 3 shelves in his bedroom are dedicated to his lego collection and when he gets a new set he scurries off to his room and you won't see him again for like 8 hours
He does freelance programming work solely to fund his lego addiction
Him and Mikey sit at his computer and play runescape together Donnie plays and Mikey watches and it's what gets Mikey into mmorpgs
Omg him and Mikey play fire boy and water girl together and it almost destroys their relationship
Donnie gets cold easy and in the winter he'll walk around the lair with a blanket draped over his shoulders and he'll fling it back dramatically like it's his mysterious cloak
and when he sits on the couch for a movie he creates like a blanket igloo with just his face sticking out
Donnie tutors Angel she'll come over to the lair and he'll make her a cup of hot chocolate and help her with her homework in the kitchen
Everyone once in a while Donnie's brain will do like a factory reset and he'll forget a very basic fact because his brain is so filled with random knowledge
He's obsessed with peanut butter and if left to his own devices he would eat nothing but pb&j sandwiches for the rest of his life. It's a regular occurrence to walk into the kitchen and donnie is mid eating a spoonful of peanut butter with chocolate chips on it.
And he'd kill a man for a reeses peanut butter cup
Anyone else see the vision of '03 Bishop as a single parent?
Not a good one mind you just a military dad who decides unwisely to take on a child when he very clearly should not and he does a TERRIBLE job but ends up getting emotionally attached to them before the kid eventually grows up and runs away after learning what the EPF really is
He's both super neglectful and at the same time a micromanaging helicopter parent because he wants this kid to train and become the best soldier/agent/research scientist/resource for the EPF so he isolates the kid from kids their own age and the kid grows up terribly poorly socialized and anxious but also terrifyingly competent at whatever daily training activity they decided they liked the most (hand to hand combat, marksmanship, etc)
The kid craves affection from him like crazy and only gets crumbs until they run away one day and he's left with this massive hole in his heart that he didn't even realize the kid had been filling all these years and now they're just gone...
So what does he do when his surveillance resources can't find the kid after months of searching? He throws himself further into his work, trying desperately to ignore how empty the base now seems without them.
He has the kid's room boarded up. No one is permitted inside. Everything is exactly as it was left. There's a couch in his office which was only there because the kid slept in his office when they were little and afraid to be alone at night. And he wants so badly to get rid of it but at the same time he can't bring himself to do it because that would be indicative of him finally accepting that the kid he'd raised for so many years was gone, that they left him behind and were never coming back 💔
I feel like Bishop went kind of under explored in the '03 version but at the same time the glimpses of his backstory and his story in general are so fucking WILD
Like what do you mean this is a 200 something year old man who was a soldier in the war of 1812 and abducted on the battlefield by aliens and put through implied medical torture/experimentation by said aliens?
And he seems to have an insanely durable body and long ass life that either came about as a result from said experimentation OR he found ways to extend his life and level up his strength, speed, agility, etc on his own by studying and extracting genetic materials from extraterrestrials?
And as a result of his experience he persuades President Grant to create the EPF a special black ops division of the US military that deals with the X Files level shit that the government wants to keep their hands clean of?
And this shady ass organization is responsible for imprisoning and experimenting on aliens and mutants because this whole "eradicate everyone that looks different" thing is totally a reasonable reaction and not at all a massively overblown trauma response to what he was put through at the hands of a singular group of aliens?
And what do you mean he has a change of heart when a mutant saves his life and then decides to dismantle the EPF entirely and instead focus on diplomacy and essentially create the intergalactic level UN??
What???
Men will literally start new military divisions and devote multiple lifetimes to the military industrial complex persecuting others until a new experience shakes them to their core and challenges their core tenents of beliefs and usher in a new reign of peace to atone for their atrocious level of sins before ever even considering going to therapy
I love this bitch if you can't tell. I live for this awful terrible man and I'm mad there wasn't more of him in the series being his dramatic comically evil self and him getting the snot kicked out of him as a result.
So tmnt '03 was kinda weird when it came to how April and Karai were occasionally treated like I can't be the only one that feels this way right?
Like why is Karai written to be stripped of her armor down to a skin tight catsuit in the finale of s5 by tengu Shredder?
Why were April's clothes written to be accidentally ripped until she was left in an even shorter crop top than normal and her pants ripped off to the point of them being booty shorts? (Episode: April's Artifact)
Both of them are also talked down to and referred to as 'my dear' by some older male figure (April by Stockman in Attack of the Mousers and Karai by Bishop in Hun on the Run respectively). I mean yeah this little detail in particular is pretty small potatoes and they're only called that by openly antagonistic men but it's just a little bit weird.
You could just chalk this up to the show being written by men in the early 2000s and yeah I get it. I love the show and I love both these characters. I also feel like it's good and healthy to acknowledge and talk about how the media you like falters at times.
I adore '03 Splinter and I wish we could have seen more of him actively raising the boys when they were little turtle tots because that one episode where he's over-emphasizing the danger of going above ground is, while played for a joke, such a real paralyzing fear for a parent in his position.
I cannot imagine having FOUR young kids that you're trying so hard to raise in a safe stable environment and the heartbreak of knowing there's a whole world nearby that they will inevitably want to explore but will be shunned and persecuted by just because they're different.
Splinter deserves everything. And so do any parents in a similar situation who just want to raise their kids to be safe and happy in a world that doesn't accept them.
Donnie being dyslexic and Raph being farsighted. So both of them have a lot of trouble learning to read as kids.
Little Donnie pours hours and hours into figuring it out and now reads all the time, but at his own pace. It takes him a while to finish a book both because it takes him a bit longer to read it but also because he needs time for all the information to soak in. He becomes insanely good at visualizing problems due to his condition compared to the rest of his brothers.
Little Raph had to learn to read from big print copies of books Splinter could find on bookcarts of unshelved books near the local library branch. Raph, while stubborn about wearing his glasses, will wear them in the privacy of his room and devour a 500 page book in a single night if he's interested enough.
