âPLEASE LIKE MEâ SEASON TWO SENTENCE STARTERS (PART 2)
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âI have to tell you something and itâs not good.â
âI like you, I really like you. I like spending time with you. I like hugging you, I like kissing you. I just donât want to have sex with you.â
âI really think itâs important to be honest about this type of stuff.â
âIâm just trying to take some sad people to the zoo.â
âEvery time people look at monkeys, they get excited because the monkeys look like people.â
âI really think that if I got to sing Hakuna Matata to a real meerkat, that would cheer me up.â
âIâve never seen meerkats and a sad person at the same time. Itâs like a weird art installation.â
âItâs normal to feel guilt or a sense of guilt or a sense of responsibility when someone passes, but I think itâs important that nobody blames themselves.â
âWe should celebrate his life rather than dwell on his death.â
âI thought this was what you wanted.â
âConversation doesnât really flow between us, does it?â
âThey used to pelt 5-cent pieces at me, and then I used to pick up the 5-cent pieces to buy candy, which I thought was me owning the situation, but no. I was not.â
âJust try not to be the Donkey to my Shrek, yeah?â
âI donât really want to reflect on any of the decisions I made as a teenager, to be honest.â
âI try and understand when you do things like this that youâre doing them because youâre ill, and then I donât get angry, the same way you wouldnât get angry at someone with a cold for having a runny nose.â
âThatâs sort of unfeeling.â
âItâs hardly closure, is it?â
âMaybe you can use this time to think about what youâve done, you know? Reflect.â
âI canât jog. My outer shell is not snug to my skeletal system. Independent flesh is the enemy of speed.â
âI really hope we donât become Communists because everyoneâs a team and Iâd feel like I was letting the team down.â
âI canât afford to print the document to get me a job so I can afford to do things like print documents.â
âIâm gonna move inside and look at a plant.â
âEvery choice Iâve made since we broke up has just been me treading water until she gets home so we can be together.â
âEverything just tastes like sad.â
âI donât know whatâs going on most of the time. Sometimes when I get home, I feel quite lost.â
âThereâs just so many rules. â
âIâve got a preternatural ability with felt craft.â
âHow do you feel about hot air balloons? Because I donât really understand how they control them.â
âThatâs one of the benefits of being divorced. I donât have to pretend to be interested.â
âI donât treasure every minor item you left behind and keep them in special velvet boxes, just waiting for when you wanna come and pick them up.â
âMust be nice having an excuse not to talk.â
âWhy am I the bad guy? Why am I always the bad guy?â
âDo you want to borrow my camel chinos?â
âWhen I feel bad about where I am in life, I like to compare myself to people who are doing worse.â
âI just donât think I remember how to look after myself.â
âI thought you didnât want to leave âcause you might miss me too much.â
âThereâs no menus. They just bring you meat. Meat, meat, meat, meat, beef, chicken, pork, beef, chicken, seafood maybe. And then you say, âPlease stop bringing me meat.â And they stop bringing you meat. That sounds incredible.â
âI know you told me not to, but I canât help but worry.â
âThatâs bleak, even for you.â
âDo you ever talk about me in therapy?â
âNobodyâs taking any notice of you.â
âI guess I feel like Iâm not good enough.â
âJust donât touch me. Please, please donât touch me.â
âDo you need me to call an ambulance?â
âYou just need to shut the fuck up and leave me alone, okay, please?â
âIâll be over here when youâre ready.â
âWhy are you listening to sad music? Why do you always listen to sad music? You should listen to something fun, you know, like BeyoncĂŠ.â
âIâve decided relationships arenât for me. Iâm not doing them. Iâm done with love.â
âIâm trying really hard not to take it personally.â
âYou know Iâm, like, here for you, right?â
âWeâre just two buddies having a nap.â