Tuesday

collecting ideas and turning them into stuff. art, films, half-formed thoughts, little obsessions, and whatever’s living in my head this week. Let’s talk about it.

[porcelainbae]

[dontworry1tsonlyme]

[saudadebunny]

[dontworry1tsonlyme]

I’ve decided hairy legs with short dresses is chic I’m the boss

[ilzzey]

[leebrontide]

Ok, it's taken me SIX YEARS to make this. But I did it! It's done! Please watch it!

(No AI used fuck AI)

It's my first animation project, which is why it took so long. I had to learn to animate to make it. It's only a bit over 2 minutes, but I made it the best I possibly could. Please please please watch it. I am so proud of it.

It's a trailer for my first novel- a late YA scifi/superhero book.

Is it absurd to make a fully animated book "trailer" for a book that's been out for 6 years, with voice acting and commissioned music (by the fantastic @plottwiststudios) ? I mean yes. Of course. I'm not even doing this for real marketing purposes because this is a ridiculous thing to do. I don't even really think it'll sell books but the process of making it made me really really happy.

I love my fictional disaster queers, and I love my book, and when I was a kid I thought I'd grow up to be an animator. I've always loved animation, and I really, really enjoyed making something animated myself. I'm really proud of how it turned out.

Please watch it. Please share it.

If it does make you actually want to read the story, you can get it as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. (the ebook is currently free)

I start my next animation project- a fake anime opening credits for book 3 in this series, starting next month.

Please Reblog!

[miawasthere]

my biggest sexual fantasy is to wake up to a long detailed paragraph about reasons why you love me

[dontworry1tsonlyme]

Thoughts and Ideas: Week 1

I’ve spent the last week trying to make sense of my creative identity.

It’s such a strange feeling. Because I’ve always tried to find my “thing.” The one hobby or job or creative passion that felt like mine. To no avail. And that’s where this website came from.

I’ve done all kinds of creative things. I’ve made paintings, I’ve done webcomics, I’ve designed t shirt graphics and stickers, I’ve made a chair out of cardboard, I made over the garden wall costumes for my brother and I, I’ve done character art, I’ve written a collection of short stories, I’ve made YouTube videos, I’ve streamed on twitch, I’ve scrapbooked, I’ve journaled, I’ve tried making Minecraft mods, I’ve made Minecraft animations, I’ve made music videos and short films, I’ve made fan edits, I’ve made memes, I’ve made nail art, I’ve done beautiful and weird hair and makeup, I’ve put together outfits, I’ve baked things and tried cool recipes, I take liminal pictures, I archive my memories, I’ve upcycled clothes and sewed my own, I’ve restored dolls, I’ve made stuffed animal clothes, I’ve made tiktoks. And you know what I’ve learned?

I’m not one thing. I’m everything. And I don’t particularly like it lmao

I feel like it would be so much easier and less annoying to be a single passionate creative. More time to dedicate to it, less money to spend on supplies, only having a vision for one thing. But instead I’m multi-passionate, and I always have been, and I think I’ve been denying it this whole time.

I’ve wrestled my whole life with my identity. Who I am. Who I’m supposed to be. Who I’m gonna become. And it fucking sucks. It’s so much thought. Who am I? What do I like? Why do I like it? Do I actually enjoy this?

I’m actively trying to let go of that.

There’s a quote by the singer Aurora that comes to mind that I’d like to tattoo onto my brain.

She says, “I never wonder who I am. I don’t think it’s my business to know. I don’t care who I am, I just am. And the less you stress about putting yourself in a box, the world will do it for you anyways, the more you give yourself just total freedom. That, I can change everyday, I can change my mind. I can say something and then regret and be much better the day after. I can change everyday and figure out who I am and that’s the beauty. I don’t even know what I want to do for work. You can change everything and learn new things all the time. And it’s easy to be very safe in yourself, when you’re not analyzing yourself. And just let go of the chance that people might be analyzing you, and let go of their control. We feel like we need to have others impressions on us. It doesn’t matter.”

Like damn girl okay you’re right. It’s especially hard to do with OCD wanting to optimize everything. My life, my time, my beauty, my resources, my skills. And living like that is not living at all. I can’t afford to give a fuck anymore. I want to live the life I want to live without worrying about other people anymore. I just turned 30. That’s such a big number, especially for someone with as many health issues as I have. I want to do exactly what I want to do and nothing less.

So I’m accepting that I’m multi-creative, and will adjust my life accordingly.

This week I made a playlist for an upcoming concert I’m going to, I tried out a new animation software that I actually really like and I made a little guy do the Macarena, I put together an outfit on the fly for my birthday dinner and actually really liked it, I threw up a bunch of ideas in a note that started with “how would I do Halloween horror nights if given the chance?” And it turned into me creating a super interactive horror theme park concept, and I followed along with a drawing tutorial that was just a simple nature background which turned out nice.

And I felt like I didn’t “do” enough or have anything to show for it. By whose rules?? Who gets to decide that? Only me. And I decide that I had fun with it, and I’m glad I’m recognizing other parts of my creativity that I’ve largely ignored.

Even like this, thought dumping with the intent of connection. I’m actively fighting against myself not to optimize this because that’s not what it’s about. I need to make things. Shitty things, good things, anything. I need to make as much as possible because there’s so much in my heart and my mind and my soul that I couldn’t get out in 3 lifetimes, so I have to try.

I want us all to try.