THIS ONE IS FOR THE MEAN GIRLS
Was I a mean girl in high school? I’m not really sure. I think most people are a little mean at that age—maybe not intentionally, but because we’re all just trying to figure out who we are. I definitely had an attitude and struggled to connect with people. A lot of that came from insecurity, though. And really, who isn’t insecure in high school?
I wasn’t outwardly cruel or loud about it, but inside, I was judgmental. I grew up around very conservative, very white people, and I always felt like the odd one out—not just because of my nappy hair or my loud, loving dad, but because I knew from a young age that I didn’t share the same values as most of my peers. I was always drawn to progressive ideas. I challenged things, which in high school often just made people label you as “rebellious” or “difficult.” Maybe my peers saw me that way—or maybe that’s just how I saw myself.
To most people, I probably came across as shy and artsy. That’s how I tend to present when I don’t feel safe or seen. And honestly, I rarely felt like I belonged in my hometown. Looking back, I don’t think I was a mean girl. I think I was a girl who needed to understand herself better.
Moving to San Francisco changed everything. It felt like a door opened and I finally stepped into a place where people got it. People out here challenge ideas, embrace complexity, and live creative, curious lives. They’re thoughtful but not uptight. Everyone’s just kind of vibing—working on cool stuff, enjoying the sun and nature, and minding their own business. It’s freeing. I don’t think I ever would’ve figured out who I was if I had stayed in the Midwest.
Back home, there was this unspoken rulebook, especially for women: get married, have kids, support your husband. That was “the dream”—and it was treated like the only acceptable path. It still bothers me. Many of the girls I grew up with didn’t pursue education or careers beyond a certain point. They left the workforce the minute they became mothers—often at an age when their brains were just finishing developing.
I value marriage and family deeply. I hope to be a mother someday, hopefully soon. But I’ve always believed there’s more than one way to build a meaningful life. What frustrated me was how one rigid version of womanhood was preached as the only way. I’m not trying to prove my career matters more than my family—honestly, I’ve never considered myself a “career woman.” I work to live, not the other way around.
But I do think women deserve independence, even in marriage. I think kids benefit from seeing both parents with passions and lives beyond the home. That kind of balance creates a richer, more grounded atmosphere to grow up in.
Right now, I’m soaking in this season of life—exploring, creating, doing the things younger me only dreamed of. And no, I wasn’t a mean girl. I was just growing. And thankfully, I’ve kept growing ever since.
