I hope my family or close friends who care about me do not read this.
The story begins on a normal Saturday. I thought it would be another normal weekend trip as I always planned. But it was not.
You may wonder what made this trip different.
To answer your questions: I have never felt so close to death. Even now, I could still feel the breath of the death which was so close…
I personally like waterfalls. Whenever I pay a visit to a new place, I always make sure to check the waterfall spots. But this time, mayanotake 摩耶の滝, gave me a completely different feeling to/from/than the ones I had seen before.
After I arrived at the hotel, it was about 15:00. I put down the luggage and departed for an adventure. I just could not wait for to explore, to get into the nature.
In fact, I didn't know how much time I had before sunset. I just started to climb the mountain. The more I walked, the more worried I became since I did not see anyone after I left the hotel. Especially on the path, there was accumulated snow, about 5cm in depth. It was not a big problem. But I could see one or two footprints in the snow. However, they were not fresh prints, which meant someone had gone there that day early in the morning but had already left some time ago. Before, I went trekking quite a lot of times but there were always people around, or at least I was with someone. This is the first time I am really on my own, especially I am not equipped with climbing tools. Worse, I left my water bottle in the hotel. And had no food. But I thought it would be fine.... The distance was about 1.8km which is not that long.
After almost 40 minutes of trekking, I finally reached the destination. But the tricky point is that the last 10 minutes of the trek were/was based on small stairs covered by snow. Even though I was worried that I might slip and fall into the valley, I couldn't give up so easily when I was so close. I heard the sound of the waterfall; it was impressive. The waterfalls I had seen until then were all in a big spacious places. However this one was located in the very corner of the gorge, If you want to see it clearly, you have to go to the very edge of the trail, which is covered by snow. And I wasn't wearing shoes for walking in the snow. So I was terrified to go any further.
When I finally had the chance to look at it face-to-face, the waterfall right in front of me, I feltvery cold in my mind, and terrified. First, the waterfall was so high that I could barely see the pool. Secondly, every time I tried to look at it, I could feel there is a dark power that might suck me in. After taking enough of pictures, I knew it was time to return. I didn't stay more than 3 minutes. P.S. The waterfall had a very beautiful mystery about love and good fortune. Regarding the terrified feeling, it was just my feeling.
I was almost running climbing down the mountain. I saw two people on their way to climb. I wanted to warn them it was a bit dangerous to go but I said nothing. It was about 16:15 when I returned back to the corner. I have two choices at that time: 1. Stop here and return back to the hotel because it is a bit dark. Besides I didn't ask the local, I didn't know how fast the sun will be gone. 2. Walk to see the other side where there is a shimagawa dam（四万川ダム）. But I don't know how long it will take.
I was so stunned by the view and the tranquil of the place. I was not expecting any of this. If it was so quiet that as if a string fell on the ground, I could hear the sound. I couldn't help but keep walking inside. After 20 mins walking, I saw a roadblock written "車両禁止( no car enter)." To be honest, I had a second thought about the sign( no car entry) but it did not say no entry for people so I thought it was fine...;therefore I climbed over to it and walked forward.
Nevertheless, the longer I walked, the more I became concerned, even though I walked almost for 50 mins but I could still feel I am walking on the left side of the lake, I could not see the end of the lake.(as you know the lake is in a circle, I thought it only takes 20-30 mins to walk the half circle). But I have already started, how could I easily give up?
The deeper I explored, the colder it became, even the furthest part of the lake was frozen. But the view was even more stunning, and absolutely quiet. I was all alone. I couldn't see any trace of living creatures. However, I was afraid of bears. The signs was everywhere written "be careful of bears". Besides, on the path I saw some dropping that was obviously fresh and looked like it belonged to some large animals'. I was scared but the lake view kept me walking, it was as if there was a blue crystal in front of me, seducing me to move forward. Then I got worried about something else. I saw the asphalt road ahead covered by heavy snow. As I walked, I observed a few footprints walking ahead which was fine. BUT, there were more footprints showing that these people returned back in my direction as well. I had second thoughts, thinking that maybe there was no road ahead, or it was "impossible to walk". But I ignored the signs. As you might remember I hadn't brought any water and food with me when leaving for the waterfall. By this time, my physical strength was slowly decreasing.
At last, I reached the half-way point of the circle, which is the opposite the lake. There was the bridge. A weird thing happened. When I was about to take a picture on the bridge, my iPhone, which was supposed to have 50% battery life, suddenly shut down and wouldn't turn on anymore. FYI: there is no Internet connection around that area, not even on the mountain. I was half-way giving up.... and that was the moment when I started to worry, because my phone died.
On the bridge I finally got to see the opposite view. The lake was frozen on one side, with light indigo blue on the other side, close to the entry and exit points. However, it was already sunset. So I knew I must hurry. I couldn't stay too long. After walking 10 mins on the other side of the lake, I started to understand why people had returned, because the road on this side was covered by an accumulation of 40cm of snow. I could see that people had stopped coming here because there were no more footprints. The snow was as fresh as marshmallows, but very deep, and I could not see the end. However, I had gone too far to go back. I knew that if I continued to walk, the distance was shorter than to return, so I might have a chance to get out of here faster.
If I returned, it might take longer. Besides, I am in the middle of snow pack, so I have to go through snow pack moving forward or backward. The only thing I did't know was if it was worse on the way ahead. So again, I made the decision to continue walking.
Every time I walk in the snow pack, my legs sink into the snow. I have to use A LOT OF strength to pull each leg out of the snow and step the other foot into the snow pack, then trying to pull it out with all my strength. After walking for only 20m, I was already exhausted. In addition, my heart beats as fast as if I had taken a 40 minute aerobic boxing class. The day is becoming dark. I couldn't see the asphalt road but only the snow pack in front of me. It reminded me of the movie "Everest", people climbing all the way up to the top, only to fail on the climb down. It is because they had already used all their strength to go up while it took even more energy to go down, just like what I am facing now. I remembered how Doug Hansen (the guy who failed the climb twice, but who had finally made it on the third attempt) lost consciousness at the last moment and just let go. I remembered how Rob Hall (the experienced guide) became too weak to walk at the end and died at the top. It all reminded me that if I stopped here, the less chance I had of getting out. Worse, no one was around, no one would ever come here at night. I am the only one who could help myself. I don't know how much time passed. But I couldn't see an end to the snow pack.
It seemed to last forever, and it was so dark that I could barely see anything. The stunning lake became a mysterious big black hole. I tried to keep myself close to the mountainside because the road is so narrow that I was afraid that if I missed a step, I would fall into the big Crystal Lake that I was so fascinated about, and no one would ever find me... Probably...
The physical exhaustion, emotional stress, hunger, and thirst is getting to me too much, and I know I should calm down. There were so many moments that I just wanted to sit down, just to rest, even if only to catch my own breath. However, I told myself, if I ever stop, I might not have the chance to stand up and walk again. I will be stuck in the woods, surrounded by snow. I could not even find a shelter to sit in. That is the moment I started to pray, pray to my father, asking for his help. I know he would kill me for being so reckless, to put myself in such situation, but I have no other solution but to believe that he is somewhere protecting me. I prayed to God Mountain, asking him to guide me out. I prayed to my grandfather, as if he was in Heaven, watching me from above. I now understand why "Pi", the main character from "Life of Pi", prayed to every god during his journey. When human beings have nothing to hope for, they can only turn to God. I started to cry because I doubt if I would ever be able to make it. This is the moment in my life in which I felt so close to death. Compared to the big lake, I am so small, so useless. No iPhone, no google map, not even living creatures, only me fighting through the snow pack of the mountains.
It seems that sadness is the only emotion driving me to continue walking. I thought of my boss and my colleagues whom I was sharing my weekend plan with during the Friday meeting, and they had never heard of Shima Onsen. But if I perished here, they would probably remember this place forever. I thought of my father when he knew he had cancer. He knew everything he had would be gone. It's the same thing I am facing now. Then I realized the hardest part is not death, it is the moment you know you are on the way to it and you are unable to do anything. I felt there were so many signs during this trip that I could have seen to avoid this but I was being ignorant. I would never have thought that this might be the last moments in my life. But I am so weak, my legs are so sore. Even one step is a challenge now, not to mention the long way ahead. I really want to give up. My will is fading away due to my physical condition. But I remembered a Taiwanese spiritual teacher told me once that I will be healthy and have a good family in the future. I know I am blessed. If this is a challenge, it means it is one that I MUST take, and I MUST continue to walk. However the reality is that my legs are numb. The thing that scares me the most is to get leg cramps since my legs are the last things that can save my life. My mind drifts away to a book I once read, called "Man's Search for Meaning", written by a Psychologist who survived a concentration camp. People who survived had a clear purpose in life. I forced myself to change my focus on something other than death.
I didn’t know how long it took but I finally saw the dam in the dark. I was not even sure that it was the dam at first because it looked so different at night. I was thrilled but too tired to move. Moreover, I knew that I still had to climb down to the village where the local people live and tourists stay. On the mountain, there is really no one. I yelled for help but no one answered. Just the quietness and darkness of the lake surrounded me.
Finally I made my way back. I was grateful to my father, to my grandfather, to all whom I prayed. It was indeed a life-changing experience. I have never felt death so close to me.
I felt my heart was very heavy. I couldn't even look back to what really had happened until I was back in Tokyo in the city. I couldn't even talk about it with anyone until I wrote it down.
I guess the dam is full of spiritual vibes. In other words, the power of nature is far bigger than that of human beings. It was too beautiful, tranquil and mysterious to get even a glimpse of it, as I now recall. It seems that I was cursed by the beauty of nature and couldn't see the danger ahead, but in the end, it let me go.
It’s a date where I had been so close to death.
