⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢 ° Haise/Mikayla : She/Her ⋆˚࿔
⤷ ゛16 ˎˊ˗ AuDHD & Bisexual. ✮⋆˙
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occasionally subtle
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EXPECTATIONS
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@dr0wn1ngdreams
⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢 ° Haise/Mikayla : She/Her ⋆˚࿔
⤷ ゛16 ˎˊ˗ AuDHD & Bisexual. ✮⋆˙
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ilya rozanov is katya zamolodchikova’s long lost son and no one can convince me otherwise
katya and lestat had a passionate, one night lesbian fling where they scissored so hard ilya was born
Did Heated Rivalry get anybody else weirdly interested in Soviet Union sports propaganda?
my heated rivalry fanart
Ilya: this guy is cute, I should start a stationary bike race so he knows I want to get sweaty together
Ilya: that didn’t quite work. Maybe I should just give him the eye? While I tell him I hope he likes his new city?
Ilya: okay. But surely if I make him drink from my water bottle and brush his fingers when passing it over…?
Ilya: call him pretty. To his face. No way he can miss that
Ilya: desperate measures, I’ll have to tell him I orchestrated this whole ad campaign just so I could see him again
Ilya: WHAT IF I STARTED JERKING OFF IN THESE COMUNAL SHOWERS?
One of the core parts of Ilya’s identity is that he knows he’s hot, he knows he’s sexually desirable and he’s incredibly sexually literate.
What holds him back is he doesn’t believe he’s desirable romantically. He especially doesn’t believe that he deserves Shane. That insecurity and that low self worth given to him by his family, the one group of people who are supposed to love him unconditionally, is what drives their miscommunication.
He’s staring himself down in the mirror, disgusted with himself for needing Shane so much. Of course Shane doesn’t want him outside of sex. That’s all he’s good for. Of course Shane found a nice, sensible, beautiful woman.
Shane is a ‘good boy’. He’s going to settle down and get married and do all the things a professional hockey player should be doing.
Ilya is so deeply hurt and embarrassed that he thought for even a second he could be something more for Shane. Embarrassed that he wanted that.
He opened himself up for the first time in his adult life and got a knife through the heart- because of course he did. That’s what always happened when he was a kid. When he played a game and expected his father to be proud of him, only to be dismissed and belittled at every turn.
His brother calling him a ‘whiny faggot’ for expressing even the most surface level emotions.
I’m sick about this sad bisexual Russian man.
fascinated and distressed by chase's disordered relationship with sexuality + his emotions abt his own trauma & abuse
thru the beginning of the show he doesn't even realize he's hot despite being objectively attractive. when he finds out he's hot he then realizes people pretend to be interested in him as a person in order to have sex with him and gets super upset about it
he starts having a bunch of meaningless sex as a coping mechanism when cameron leaves him. and also a lot of other times. whenever something bad happens, basically, he starts going out with a bunch of women, just to feel something, presumably
^to the extent where hes known within the hospital as a slut. and has had sex with an insane amount of nurses. as well as presumably women who are not at his place of work.
he says doing this made him hate himself so he stopped. it's the b-plot for an episode and then he's back having meaningless sex again by the end of the episode
even his coworkers know this about him. and have called it out, masters even says she thinks he doesn't respect women bc, in her words, he's with a different one every few days or maybe he finds comfort in meaningless relationships
goes back to having meaningless sex within weeks of getting stabbed. which is really bad for wound healing reasons too. genuinely it seems like such compulsive behavior for him considering he keeps doing it even when its objectively not only a bad idea but actively dangerous
house even directly says he's "a serial slut" because he's "terrified of intimacy." incredibly accurate assessment
his relationship with his sexuality reads so heavily as someone who thinks they're not good for anything else
see also: dissociation & avoidance
we know he has a lot of trauma especially in childhood- he never really gets into it let alone into how he Feels about it but what we know is already bad & that's just the stuff he's okay with sharing with his coworkers or patients
in general he's very avoidant of his own trauma- when he gets stabbed he says he "can't change what happened, can only make better choices from here" as if it was his own fault, and refuses thru the whole episode to acknowledge that being traumatized by this would be a really normal reaction that he is definitely having. instead he just blames himself
also, he dissociates from traumatic things that happen to him - says "there was a stabbing" rather than "i was stabbed" for instance
when he's talking abt his childhood trauma he does it in a very similar way - he talks about it very bluntly and doesn't ever get into how he actually feels about it.
see also: dr. fawn response
general passive willingness to go along with anything- when cameron says they should have sex in s3 he's surprised and then he just kinda goes along with it. not bc he didn't want to bc he obviously did, but he's just generally very much someone who does whatever other people want him to do. i feel like he and cameron both tend to seek validation thru sex in an unhealthy way that i'm still gnawing on like a dog with a bone i have to go rewatch s3 to really articulate it though
he has a sort of desperation for praise and approval especially from anyone he views as an authority figure. he does whatever authority figures tell him out of this idea that it'll bring him approval and therefore safety
like no matter what house does or says to him he doesn't argue or retaliate or anything. even when house punches him he collapses on the ground in pain and then just keeps talking about the patient like nothing happened.
the scene in 3.10 after house punches him where he's in the ddx room and house walks in and throws the file at him and chase is startled and tries to pretend he's not. and he looks up with this huge fuck ass bruise on his jaw swallows heavily and pretends not to be upset. and house asks if he got that looked at as if he wasn't the one to give it to him and chase just swallows and says he's fine. dr fawn response :(
DAREDEVIL BORN AGAIN EPISODE 3 SPOILERS!!!!
I have SOO many questions. Was that actually Frank at the end or was it a dirty cop using the punisher symbol which we've already seen happening.
Questions aside which was honestly only one question but whatever.
I NEED MATT TO CRASH OUT I NEED HIM TO.
I wanted a Daredevil and white tiger team up so badly. Dreams have been crushed.
Bigggg fan of the shin tenkyu brother theory that was floating around on twt and felt very inspired
Post I’m referring to is here !!
skdy 194: tachypsychia
Basically being "in the zone" in terms of sports - or that spurt of adrenaline or fear that causes things to slow down. Research suggests it's induced by a combination of high levels of dopamine (mood/movement/learning/focus/attention) and norepinephrine (adrenaline). That could lead to heart, blood vessel, and kidney damage - explaining Shin's nosebleed.
We all know pushing your body to its limits is a no-no, but using your brain to do it? A BIG no-no. Shin gained a new power but at a huge cost.
Suzuki through Nagumo did warn us - he's always saying things and showing up when they need it lmao. The ultimate plot device / foreshadower. So this isn't the last time Shin will be driven into a corner. Physically, we know he's at his limit (as confirmed by Kindaka), so all he has left is a gambit move that kills him.
But anywho, too much tachypsychia can probably lead to a mental and physical breakdown. Mental first most likely (seeing how Shin is already in such a fragile state).
This post by @uzurions is highly possible because high d&n can cause hallucinations and psychosis.
Either or is hella emotional.
If Sakamoto is actually there, Shin will be left with so much guilt. He totally could've killed Tenkyu, a literal innocent (in the head), but Sakamoto would be there to tell him he did it for their family (it'd still haunt Shin forever though).
But if it was all in his head? Sakamoto acting like a conscience would be beautiful too. Shin does have it in him to stop himself, but the fact that he went that far...
Either way, I assume tachypsychia can also numb someone. Major flight or fight kinda thing. So it's not Shin's natural affinity to be a cold ruthless killer, but every time he forces that switch in his brain, the easier it'll get.
So basically NO SHIN BABY BOY IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
///
Like I just wrote on Twitter under ordertrio and spondaick's tweets, I gotta suspend disbelief lmao. The only guarantee in SKDY's is that Suzuki will pull another fast one on us next week.
Remember, Jas. Remember how Kindaka just woke up and sonic’ed outta bed after 8 years with no physio?
Don't forget that. Just kick back and have fun.
Okay. So I don't think this is going to be groundbreaking for anyone, but I need to get the thoughts out of my head.
I, like everyone, loved this so much:
But, it has made me think too hard about Shin's need for attention and validation.
Me after chapter 201 (What took you)
So, about Ando. (And his contradictions) huh.
I think it's funny how Tsukiyama wanting to eat Kaneki is really just a subplot after the Gourmet Arc. It's like, "at this point, Kaneki's life sucks so much that being stalked by a cannibal is the least of his concerns".
Every Instance of Dazai's Ability Being Used, and the Few Times it Doesn't Work
Because I really wanted to look into the logistics of Dazai's ability, I decided that I wanted to look through every source of media (barring BEAST) I could for when his ability has been used. This includes:
Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen (Light Novel)
STORMBRINGER (Light Novel)
DEAD APPLE (Light Novel, pre-manga)
Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era (Light Novel)
Dazai Osamu's Entrance Exam (Light Novel)
Bungou Stray Dogs Manga
DEAD APPLE (Light Novel)
55 Minutes (Light Novel)
This list does not include:
The Day I Picked Up Dazai
The Untold Origins of the Detective Agency (no instances)
BEAST (Did not use)
Any instances in the anime
Any instances with general descriptions ('a guy who used his ability to nullify', 'he used his ability', etc. Was looking for instances with explicit explanation/visuals of what he does)
Spoilers ahead for all the above, and the manga through Chapter 101. Read at your own discretion.
Okay. Okay.
So the idea that abilities in bsd are trauma based is basically canon yeah? Maybe just high stress or something like that... but it seem pretty damn canon.
Like-
We have Kyouka who just flat out inherited her mother's ability.
We have Chuuya who (this is near speculation) at the age of 7 had an ability and a calamity god after being basically tortured.
We have Atsushi who's ability manifested while being tortured.
We see Yosano developing her ability through her trauma.
Akutagawa was a orphan who needed to protect himself and his sister and he got a guard dog of an ability. His ability continues the development, adapting to abuse.
Even Steinbeck went hungry with such a large but poor farming family, and he got an ability that grows plants, crops and the such.
Some may seem redundant, like Kunikida. But someone with high anxiety (which he definitely has) could feel large amounts of stress (especially when young) if they don't have the things they need...
And then just for myself. We know little about where Dazai came from. But let's think. His ability turns off other abilities. Maybe he suffered great harm at the hands of an ability user through their ability...