AO3 Gia | f | elder millenial | 🔞
I binge kdramas like air and am very normal about Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Fallout, and Hannibal. Kpop has taken over my life 😩 VIP | STAY
Now Accepting: Personal Missives from Emmrich Volkarin
💀 Requests are closed (for now) 💀
“I am not a man of idle thoughts, dearest—but when it comes to you, I am undone by them.”
This started because I love Emmrich, and because I love writing letters in his voice. If your Rook is someone he might write to, I’d love to send a letter their way! You can request multiple letters if you like; I’ll keep a running list on this post so you know where you are in line. Letters will be written in character from Emmrich’s POV, tailored specifically to your Rook.
📜 Letters in Progress
His pen lingers, hesitates. Still, the letter will come.
Completed letters have been moved to the bottom of the post.
Siobhan Ingellvar - in progress
Loran Laidir - in progress
Agi Aldwir - in progress
Avis Thorne - in progress
Yuriel Ingellvar - in progress
HOW TO REQUEST A LETTER:
You can submit a request via my askbox. I’ll post the letters here on my page and will use the hashtag #Letters from Emmrich to keep track.
Anons are welcome! Just make sure I can tell which Rook you are. If you'd like to remain anonymous but still receive a personalized letter, feel free to give me a nickname or identifier for your Rook (ex: “Rook with the red scarf,” “blue-haired Rook,” “Rook who leaves gifts for Manfred”)
WHAT I NEED FROM YOU:
Feel free to copy/paste and fill this out in an ask (or submission, because we know how tumblr gets). Not all of these are required, but will help me make the letter even more customized to your Rook.
Please give me a couple of days to craft your letter (it will probably be less, but just in case life is busy).
All Rooks are welcome!
1. Rook's name (or identifier, if you’re anon)
2. Pronouns / Gender identity
3. Relationship status with Emmrich: (pining? early flirting? established lovers?)
4. How does your Rook show affection? (touch, words, acts of service, gifts, awkward silence...)
5. What does Emmrich love most about your Rook?
6. What does your Rook love most about Emmrich?
7. What kind of letter would you like? (soft and romantic, dramatic yearning, flirty/teasing, full-on lovesick professor...) *
8. Any other fun details I should know? (faction, physical description, a favorite moment, a habit they have, a private nickname, etc.)
If you have a tag or post detailing your Rook, feel free to send that, too!
Have a question? Please don't hesitate to ask 💜
Please read here for frequently asked questions!
* I am comfortable writing smutty/spicy letters if requested. I will not veer into that territory unless asked. If your Rook has something cough particular that they like, feel free to tell me. If you don’t want to include it in the ask itself, just send me a private message and I’ll make sure to add it.
Interested in a letter to or from your favorite Crows? @pixiedurango runs the Antivan Postal Service!
First, thank you to everyone who keeps checking in on me, I love you all 💜 I’m happy to say I’m one month from being done with chemo (hopefully) for good! And I wanted to come on here to tell you about a project I’m working on that I’m excited about.
I’ve decided now that I’m in the end stretch with chemo and cancer recovery, I’m going to start v-logging my last month of treatment and the transition process back into the “real world.” I wish I had started from the beginning, but I was honestly too overwhelmed, extremely depressed, and too fatigued and held down by side effects to do anything more than sleep. So. Much. Sleep. I’m in an okay enough place now that I’d like to document what’s left.
I started filming a bit at chemo yesterday just because I kept thinking “none of my friends and family have any idea what goes on in here” and the idea blossomed from there. So that’ll be my starting point and the first “episode” I guess will cover the next two weeks leading up to my last treatment (yay!), documenting the final treatment, and then reentering reality.
For those who don’t know, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in January after half a year of going back and forth with tests trying to figure out why I was suddenly looking like Lumpy Space Princess. And because my immune system has reacted so poorly (i.e. I barely have one), I have essentially been a shut in since January, only going out to doctor appointments. And now, in two months, I will be expected to show up at work like nothing happened and I haven’t been gone for half a year.
I have also been dealing with a lot of physical issues as a result of the cancer and treatment. I went from a very healthy, active person to gaining 30lbs in the last 10 months, struggling with probable perimenopause, and thyroid issues. My mental health - already shaky as I deal with chronic depression, anxiety, and autism - has taken a huge dive as a result, so I’d also like to chronicle that journey of returning to health and hopefully getting some answers.
Again, just sharing because I’m excited! I don’t expect anyone here to watch (although you’re welcome to! I’ll share the link once it’s ready) 🤣 I’m not looking to monitize or anything, I just want to be able to share the experience with people who are interested. My mom is already asking where she can sign up lmao.
Finally, I think it will be a nice distraction because honestly, I’m scared as shit of being a “normal” person again 😅 my mindset has changed a lot over the last four months. Things that were important to me aren’t as important as much anymore and vice versa. I think it might be a good tool to help me develop that new mindset and keep me accountable on the things I want to change. I know there’s a chance I can get cancer again, so I want to start living life on my own terms now. Wish me luck 🫶
Today's entry for @mournwatchweek is a continuation of the story I posted on day 2. After speaking in front of Emmrich's class, Runa answers some students' questions!
HUGE thanks to @guacamolleee (creator of Thana), linnybobinny (creator of Herja), and @draco-illius-noctis (creator of Valeria) for letting me borrow your Rooks!!! Mourn Watch Rooks unite!
---
The rest of Runa's speech went well. Better than she could have imagined, really. The students listened attentively, laughing and gasping in all the right places. Going silent and hanging on her every word through the rest of it.
And the speaking itself was surprisingly easy. Natural. Runa knew that her friends found her funny, and her team always listened when she spoke, but she hadn't thought those skills would translate to speaking in front of a larger group. Or that a group of young Watchers would care what she had to say.
When she was done, the students applauded. Emmrich came quietly to the front and stood beside the lectern. They exchanged looks. Runa could see the pride in his face, and she stared up at him with gratitude, feeling lighter than she had in awhile.
"Thank you, Watcher Ingellvar," Emmrich said, turning back to the class when they had quieted. His eyes twinkled as he glanced at Runa. She grinned back. "Now, we have time for just a few questions."
Multiple hands went up. Emmrich scanned the room, before finally gesturing toward a tall, dark-haired young elven woman near the front of the class.
"Yes. Thana."
The young woman stood, her cheeks flushed. Runa offered her an encouraging smile.
"Watcher Ingellvar," Thana said, "I was wondering… what skills do you think helped you the most when you were leading your team? Since you don't have magic." She cleared her throat. "I have magic, but it's not very strong, so…"
Runa furrowed her brow as she thought.
"It's definitely not easy," she said. "Especially in the Watch. Necromancer equals mage to most people, right?"
Thana nodded, mouth twisting as though remembering people who thought like this. Runa could relate.
"When it comes to leading people, though," Runa went on, "it's not about having the most powerful magic, or even being the best fighter. Believe me, I wasn't. The most important thing is being adaptable, and knowing how to trust your team enough to do the things you can't do alone. Hope that make sense?"
Thana nodded again, eyes brighter.
"An excellent question," Emmrich said, smiling at the student.
Thana went red, and took her seat.
Emmrich looked around. "Any other takers?"
To Runa's delight, the young dwarven woman in the front row raised her hand. Emmrich gestured toward her.
"Herja," he said, with a nod.
The dwarf stood, practically hopping to her feet. At her full height, Runa thought she might be even smaller than herself.
Herja's face lit up in a huge grin, briefly directed at Emmrich, then at Runa.
"Hi," Herja said. "Really excited to meet a fellow dwarf in the Watch."
"Likewise." Runa couldn't help returning her smile.
"Just wanted to know," Herja said slowly, "do you ever have trouble with people not taking you seriously? As a dwarf? Especially in the Watch?"
"Sometimes," Runa said. "But, first of all, those people are assholes." She shot a glance at Emmrich. "Sorry, Professor Volkarin."
His mustache twitched like he was trying to suppress a laugh, but he kept his expression stern.
"Second of all, never forget your own worth. You deserve to be here, no matter what anyone else says. And the people whose opinions really matters? They'll see that."
Herja beamed up at Runa. With one more glance at Emmrich, she returned to her seat.
"We have time for just one more question." Emmrich looked around at the other raised hands. He seemed to hesitate, before gesturing to a pale, dark-haired human woman. "Valeria."
The human woman got to her feet. Her eyes sparkled and her lips twitched like she was suppressing a smile.
"Watcher Ingellvar," Valeria said. "My question is one I think we've all been dying to ask." She glanced at her classmates.
"Okay," said Runa. "What's that?"
Valeria blinked innocently.
"How long have you and Professor Volkarin been seeing each other?"
Her question was me with shocked and excited giggles from the class, along with "oohs" from some.
Runa opened her mouth to speak, but Emmrich quickly stepped in front of her.
"All right, I believe that's enough questions," he said. "Let's give Watcher Ingellvar another round of applause."
Runa barely managed to suppress her own laughter at the deep blush on Emmrich's face.
After the students left (including Valeria, who hurried out of the room after a stern glare from Emmrich), Emmrich slumped down, exhausted. Runa laughed.
"Close one, huh?" she said.
Emmrich sighed. "Some of them are quite incorrigible," he said. Then, straightening up, "but you did so well, my darling! They couldn't get enough of you."
Runa laughed nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You think so?"
Emmrich moved closer, reaching out to take her hand. With his other hand, he tilted her chin toward him. Runa's skin warmed at the touch.
"You speak so well, my dear. Perhaps you should consider teaching classes of your own?"
"I don't know," Runa said. She squeezed his hand. "I've never thought of myself as a teacher. But it was nice, I guess. Especially getting to talk to some of the students without magic."
"You have much to offer, my dear," Emmrich said, gaze softening. "You ought to take some of your own words to heart."
"Yeah," she said, thinking. "Maybe."
The way he was looking at her made her heart fill with renewed love. Not for the first time, she thanked whatever powers might be out there for sending her someone who believed in her like he did.
Then another thought made laughter bubble up inside her. She raised her eyebrows, mischievous.
"By the way," she said. "I'm not the only one the students 'can't get enough of'."
Emmrich frowned. "Whatever do you mean, my dear?"
"Emmrich, I'm pretty sure every one of those students has a crush on you." Runa held a hand to her heart dramatically, amused at his shocked, wide-eyed expression. "Should I be jealous?"
Emmrich sighed heavily, and covered his face with his hand. Runa giggled.
So, on Monday I had my interim (after 2 rounds of chemo) PET scan…and it came back clear!! Almost all of the cancer is GONE 🥹 I have two more months of chemo to go through, but it looks like I will be done everything (hopefully) by the beginning of June. My birthday is in less than a week and this is the best gift I could have gotten!
It’s almost exactly three months since I was diagnosed, which has felt like the longest three months ever. Especially coming after four months of watching it slowly take over my body and having no idea what it was. I think I spent most of the last three months asleep, and now I feel like I need to do something productive the next two months to make up for it 😂 We’ll ignore the fact that my body healing was productive enough.
On another positive note, I had to run around this morning to get my license renewed and get a few other interim tests done at the hospital, and it was the first time I felt comfortable/confident enough to not cover my baldness. I got a lot of stares but also a lot of very sweet compliments. One nurse passed me in the hall and yelled out “you ROCK that head, girl!” and I almost burst into tears. I get overwhelmed very easily 😅
Anyway, all this to say again, thank you for everyone who has reached out to me and shared kind words or even just a check in to see how I’m doing. Especially @starfleetteddybear @avoskorm and everyone from the Fade discord (there are so many of you!). Seriously, you don’t know how much you all mean to me 💖 And you also know I ramble and get over emotional so I won’t even get started lol.
Wanted to share two photos just for the hell of it. The first is from the notes of my pulmonary function test today and it made me giggle. I think this is the equivalent of “a pleasure to have in class” for adults 😂 Did I get an “A” in breathing?? And the second is just my bald head in the waiting room. I have super bad steroid flush today so luckily the mask covered that part. Isn’t it funny how I kept my eyebrows (they only thinned) and eyelashes? Lost everything else. I hope my hair grows back curly 🫣
I’ve been trying to think of some words to express how much this means to me, but I guess I’m out of practice because nothing seems to be working! Ask @avoskorm I was just like “I know there are words, but I can’t find them” lol.
So I’ll just say to everyone in the Fade Discord who contributed (I’ll find out who soon!) I appreciate you all more than words can say. This was such an out of the blue surprise on a day that was really rough for me (my hair falling out in chunks) and I wasn’t expecting anything like this. So needless to say, it had made my entire month, probably, and I have all of you amazing people to thank for it.
So thank you, SO much for thinking of me and remembering me. You can trace back when I started getting less active on this site and it corresponds to when I found the first inflamed node, so it’s been a journey many months in the making and I’m so happy you all still care because I miss you all and this fandom so, so much.
As for the message itself…it couldn’t have been more perfect. I had no idea he also fought cancer and I think that personal connection really hit home for me. He is such a sweet and kind soul and now I can hear EMMRICH FREAKING VOLKARIN say my name 😍
Again, thank you all so much, this was such a sweet surprise I’m putting positive vibes out into the world for all of you so you will hopefully be repaid in kind 💜
Hello! I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing! I'm crossing my fingers and hoping you're doing well. 🩷
Hi anon! Thank you for checking in on me 💜 I’ve been kind of avoiding coming on here to say anything, because I wasn’t quite sure what to say, but this seems like as good a time as any!
Long story short, it turns out I have cancer (lymphoma). I was diagnosed the first week of January, after my first surgery. Luckily, we caught it fairly early, and I’m in stage II. I started chemotherapy very quickly after my diagnosis and my doctors are optimistic! I’m also trying to stay positive and doing the best I can.
Chemo is literal hell, but I’ve already seen some progress, so that’s encouraging. We’re not sure how long I will have to do it, but at least for the next few months. I’ve also been struggling with my white blood cell count, so I’m basically stuck in the house so I don’t get (more) sick. I wish I could turn all this free time into writing! I just don’t have the energy.
I’m sorry if I don’t reply to things right away. I just had a session on Thursday, so I’m right at the start of the side effect stage and the next week will be rough. I miss all of you and I appreciate any kind thoughts 💜
For @palenecromaniac and their Rook, Yuriel 💜 I am definitely out of practice with smut, so I hope some spice is okay <3
My beloved Yuriel,
How easily I lose myself when I write your name. I think of it spoken against your ear, low and private, claimed for myself alone. I hope you feel the weight of it even now—Yuriel, you are the only secret I keep.
I have tried, for your sake, to write you a proper letter, something worthy of scholars, fit for polite company. Each time I begin, I think of your hands instead, the heat of your skin pressed against mine, the way your laughter curls between us when you tease me. You haunt me more completely than any spirit we have summoned.
It is astonishing, how shameless you can be. You sit on my lap with all the innocence of a saint, mouth quick with questions and wicked with answers, and before I can object you have made a ruin of my composure. The last time, I tried to resist. I remember the way your fingers traced down my chest, the press of your thigh beneath the table while you recited some ghastly tale for the others, all the while knowing I could do nothing but sit there and endure. You are relentless. You want and want and never tire of asking. Every night I promise myself I will be stern, I will hold out, but I have never met a man more skilled at turning a lecture into a plea.
Do you remember the séance we ruined in the archives? I am certain the spirits were more scandalized than we were. You dared me to keep quiet. You failed first, though I pretended otherwise. My punishment was severe, though if you are honest, you enjoy every moment I force you to beg.
I would have you now, if I could. I would have you stripped and on your knees, mouth open, eyes wet and shining, desperate to please. I want you loud enough that even the dead will envy us. I want to hear your voice break when I touch you just right. I want to press you down and feel you arch beneath me, utterly undone. You have a thousand clever words for me, but in the end you beg the same way, my name, yours, over and over, until neither of us can think of anything else.
I am writing this in a room that still smells of you. Every surface recalls you: the mark of your mouth on my skin, the bruises your hands left in their eagerness. I ache for the next time, and the next, and the next.
You have ruined me, Yuriel. I used to be content with memory, with longing, with hope. Now I am nothing without you. Come back to me soon. I have a thousand ways to prove what you mean to me, and I will teach you each one until you can beg for them by name.
For @ferocious-notes and their Rook, Avis 💜 Thank you for letting me write for her again! <3
My dearest Avis,
I made your tea this morning, only to find you were nowhere in sight. I drank both cups out of spite and immediately regretted it. You always steep it longer than I do. I don’t know how you make it taste better, but I suspect it’s witchcraft. The subtle kind. The sort that starts with herbs and ends with someone rearranging their whole routine to match yours.
You’ve done that to me, you know. Shifted things. Small at first. A change in how I plan my day. The way I pause now before speaking, not out of caution but because I want to hear what you think first. I find your pages tucked into my books, always half-folded, always scented faintly of something sharp and lovely. I caught myself smoothing one out the other night and realized I was smiling at it like a fool.
And yes, I know what you’d say. That you are hardly responsible for my descent into romantic absurdity. But you are. Entirely. I was doing rather well before you started leaving your dried flowers in The Ethics of Necromantic Practice and your stitched bookmarks in my lecture notes. You knew exactly what you were doing. And now look at me—writing love letters when I should be cataloging bones.
There is something deeply unfair about how you move through the world. The rest of us make plans. You just are, and things rearrange themselves accordingly. I have watched even Taash soften in your presence. A little. Very little. But it counts.
You make everything feel less heavy. Even the end of the world. Even myself.
I still want nothing from you but time. Not all of it, just the pieces you feel like offering. I will give you every quiet moment I can in return. My hand, always ready. My ear, even when I pretend not to be listening. My firewood, though I maintain you are spoiled beyond reason and have no idea how to stack it properly. And if the world insists on tearing itself apart, I’ll keep stitching it together one evening at a time, so long as you’re beside me.
You are the comfort I never expected to find. And I hope you know I would not trade you for anything. Not even for uninterrupted sleep, which is saying quite a lot these days.
For @theshotsheardacrossworlds and their Rook, Agi 💜 It was so fun being able to write for Agi again!!
My dearest Agi,
The Lighthouse has never been quiet, yet without you it has found a way to become unbearably still. Every corridor seems to pause in expectation, as though it, too, has learned your footfall and waits for it. I told myself that a few days apart would be nothing. I was, as it turns out, profoundly mistaken.
I find myself lingering where you were last seated, half convinced that if I wait long enough you will return to me there, hands warm and certain as they always are. I miss the easy closeness of you, the way you reach for me without thinking, the way you make room at your side as though it were the most natural thing in the world. You have an uncanny talent for making even this strange place feel lived in, as though your presence alone grants it warmth and purpose.
I admire you more each day, Agi. Your generosity of spirit humbles me, whether you are offering comfort to those who have lost everything or simply pressing food into my hands with that quiet insistence of yours, as if care were something one could never have too much of. The refugees speak your name with gratitude, and I find myself fiercely proud to stand beside someone whose heart is so open, so unafraid to give.
And yes, I confess that I miss you in less virtuous ways as well. I miss the weight of your body against mine, the way your touch steadies and unravels me all at once. I think far too often of your mouth, of the confidence with which you claim me, of how readily I surrender to it. The nights are longer without you, and my thoughts have become entirely unsuited to polite company.
Still, I would never wish you elsewhere than where you are now, surrounded by those you love. If I endure this separation poorly, it is only because loving you has made me exquisitely aware of your absence. Know that I wait for you with eagerness and devotion in equal measure, counting the hours until I may draw you back into my arms and remind you, properly, of how deeply you are cherished.
Return to me soon, Agi. The Lighthouse will breathe easier when you do, and so will I.
For @y00ms and their Rook, Loran 💜 I love Loran's positivity, I'm going to steal some <3
My dearest Loran,
The night is quiet, save for the soft chime of distant bells, and our rooms are filled with the gentle hush that settles after a long day. I find myself thinking of you as I often do, feeling an ache of gratitude that you are here beside me, even when we sit together in silence. It seems impossible to put all that I feel into words, but I am determined to try.
Each morning I wake to the sight of your hair, dark as polished wood, the new curls wild and untamed upon your brow. There is something quietly thrilling about discovering this part of you, as if I have been given a glimpse into a secret garden I never knew existed. I love the way you smile when you catch me staring, and how you lean into my touch without hesitation. It is in these small moments that my heart feels most at peace.
I notice how often your hands tremble now, and I see the frustration in your eyes when the world does not bend to your will. Yet it never diminishes the grace you bring to everything you do. When you ask for my help, whether to button a shirt or to hold a pen, I do not see weakness. I see trust, and the steady courage it takes to reach for another. It is a privilege to be close to you in these ways, to offer my hands where yours grow weary, to laugh together when we spill ink or fumble with laces.
There are evenings when we do little more than share a quiet meal, or sit beneath the window with our books and a pot of tea. Those hours linger with me long after the light fades. Your laughter fills our home with warmth, and the way you listen—truly listen—to my stories, my theories, my stray thoughts, makes me feel understood in a way I have seldom known. I hope you know how much it means, to be seen so completely.
Sometimes, when I glance across the room and find you looking back at me with that soft, thoughtful smile, I am reminded how much joy can be found in the gentlest forms of love. There is no longing for anything more than what we share. You fill my days with quiet happiness and give me a sense of belonging that I had never expected to find.
I am grateful for every moment we share, from the laughter we spark in each other to the quiet support that threads through all we do. I cherish the simple comfort of your head on my shoulder, the warmth of your hand in mine, and the promise of tomorrow’s gentle light.
Thank you for choosing to be here, for letting me be a part of your days, and for bringing such hope and kindness into my life.
