to preface, I know this is a corner of social media where we fangirl and write fanfiction. i'm aware that these issues are not as severe as irl problems, but just because it's not that serious doesn't mean that a stress/frustration/sadness just goes away.
so yeah, i do know that these aren't the biggest issues that people are gonna face in life, but it's some i wanna talk about. if you don't wanna hear it, scroll. this is a judgement free space and i'll block anyone who disturbs that.
[ posts not doing well hurts. ]
when you're brand new, it kinda sucks. getting traction is hard. people like familiar names with familiar writing styles and layouts. they know what they're getting into.
its not because you're writing sucks, it's because you're different. maybe you have some weak points, but everyone has those at some point. so no, it's not you or your skills, it's because you're new and people like gravitate towards familiar things.
when you're not new, it can really suck. now you know you can get the readers, but sometimes that's almost worse. you'll feel like there's more pressure, that you'll never be able to top xyz. and it really hurts, especially if you make something that you're so proud of and it doesn't get as much traction as you hoped it would.
its not because it's bad. there's so many factors. sometimes it's because one of the triplets posted, maybe just an active period on tumblr where the algorithm is really in your favor, or maybe it was because the readers were sharing your work behind the scenes because they loved it so much.
it varies and it sucks. there's pressure to 'do better' but then you feel kinda stuck. you can't always do better, but you can always do your best.
either way, it's not truly your fault. there's so many factors that contribute to how well a post performs. your efforts are still something you should be proud of regardless.
[ friends ]
this is something i've really struggled with. it's really difficult. social ques are not my strong suit, I take things as they are presented to me. every friendship is different and not all of them are created equal.
some people want to be friends for interaction as a transaction. some people want to be your friend to make it seem like they have a place on sturniolo tumblr publicly. some people want to be friends to be your friend. there's a difference.
doesn't matter who you are, how many followers, or how many fics you have. not all intentions are genuine, even if they aren't necessarily bad.
[ drama ]
i've been in drama and i've also watched it. i've tried hard to avoid it but sometimes it is necessary to call out. when i was a smaller blog there were a lot of big blogs people loved that were straight up mean.
i can say confidently that i've never been mean to someone right off the bat for no other reason than thinking i was better than them. that has and will never happen because i know exactly what it feels like.
talk to a person in private first. i don't care what it is. ask them questions and have them give you direct answers. if it is something deeply concerning like a predator, that is an instance where it is important to speak up since it directly effects people on here.
it broke my heart when the juno / bri situation happened and i had dozens of minors dming me saying something happened but they were too scared to speak up.
i really hope that never happens again, but if it does, people need to feel safe enough to go to an adult on here. i'm happy i was that person for a lot of people because i needed a person like that when i was a kid.
put mdni on all you want, but please don't isolate minors when they are wanting to feel included. that's puts them at an even more vulnerable position and people know that. draw boundaries but keep all of this in mind.
i can and always will admit when i'm wrong even if i'm still hurt by the other person. apologizing isn't something that says 'oh this person is wrong, that person is right,' it's something that is required for basic human decency and respect. if i hurt someone, i want them to at least have the closure of having an apology.
i can't take back the actions or words, but i can validate their feelings and that's really important since we're all human and have feelings.
agree to disagree if you need to at the end of the day, but leave people alone. exposing people for things that aren't necessary is never gonna make you feel better.
interacting and creating genuine friendships will you give a lot more peace and joy then hate and conflict ever will.
point is, treat others how you want to be treated. we're all humans with feelings and coming here for an escape to fangirl and write. do things to make the community better. do things to make yourself happy and proud in the long term.
i appretiate anyone who has stayed to read this, truly. i don't know how much of a difference it will make but i don't care. i said what i said and i meant it. if this helps one person, that already makes it worth it in my eyes.
i love being apart of this community and i hope we can build it to something we're all proud of and wanting to be apart of at the end of the day.
I want more than anything for my blog to be something positive and safe not only for me but for you all on as well! That being said, if you ever need someone to talk to, rant to, or anything like that I’m always here and my inbox is always open to anyone!
— 🩷 what kind? : ANGST — 🩷 warnings : heavy language , arguing , complicated&toxic relationship , viewers discretion is adviced! — 🩷 word count : 4.4k
𓂃﹒🩷﹒⌗﹒ The soft rain pattered drum-like sound against your windows as they became drenched in the dropping cold water, the sun softly hiding behind the murky clouds in the sky, only solidifying the mood and atmosphere further into the air surrounding you.
Your older brother decided to take on the task of cooking dinner tonight while he stayed over for a few weeks at your place until he moves away to pursue his dream career for which you feel really proud of him for accomplishing.
“Is dinner ready yet?” you call out from the living room towards the kitchen as you got cozy and warm underneath your fluffy light pink blanket, relaxing your back against the rest of the couch as your body sunk right against it.
This was exactly what you needed after the long day you’ve had, after a short while of more mundane waiting you receive a long awaited response from your brother.
“Just need another minute!”
You sighed deeply, knowing the fact that this phrase meant he was not nearing the end of his cooking anytime soon, as he has already said the exact same thing just a few minutes ago, but you continue to wait patiently for him to finish until your attention was drawn to the sudden ring of the front doorbell.
“I got it.” You state loudly for your brother to hear while you hesitantly pull yourself out of the coziness of your living room and drag your feet towards the front door where the noise originated from.
Unlocking and lightly placing your hand onto the door handle, you swing the door open and see the last person you would expect to be standing right outside of your door, especially at such an unexpected hour, not to mention the rain even though it was still not giving up but it became less and less relentless inside of your head.
You were extremely surprised to see your ex-boyfriend, Chris Sturniolo to be standing at your doorstep with softly damped hair and clothes from the rain in the background, seeming to be wanting to talk to you about something.
Chris stands right before you, giving you his sly smile. "Hey there, sweetheart. It's been a while." He says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. His eyes scan the room behind your silhouette, taking in every detail of the space before his eyes return to you as they softly linger.
You two haven’t seen each other, or at least havent intended on seeing each other in a long time and considering the fact you have switched houses and addresses ever since you broke up with him was quite unusual and slightly off-putting.
“Why are you—“ you cut your own words off, your brain walking a mile ahead and thinking of a more important question to ask him in the current moment.
“Wait.. first of all, how did you find my new address?”
Chris chuckles slightly at your reaction, his smirk never leaving his face. He leans nonchalantly against the doorframe, crossing his arms across his chest like this situation doesn’t fall under the category of stalking and harassment.
“You think I can't track you down? Have some more faith in me..” He says.
His eyes still scan the room, a subtle air of curiosity on his face.
“Can I come in?” He asks casually.
“Chris, go away.”
Chris's smirk fades a bit at your request, but he still seems unfazed and undeterred, staying on the track to talk to you.
“Come on, baby. You used to love it when I came over.” He says, his tone taking on a slightly flirtatious edge.
Chris leans a bit closer, his eyes studying your face with ease and determination to find something he’ll like to use against you anytime he’ll need or want to.
“Just let me in for a minute, yeah? I just wanna talk to you for a bit.” He says, his eyes pleading softly.
“that was a long time ago now, way back when we dated, you cant just suddenly show—“ once again, out of complete nowhere, your words get cut off by a hand softly landing on your shoulder by someone looming behind you.
“Cmon, dinner’s finally ready—“ a voice breaking through but cutting off as soon as he sees Chris’s figure outside the door, the person behind you was your older brother Nate who felt a harder hatred for Chris than to anyone and anything in the world, whenever you were dating or not he never quite got over his grudge for him.
Nate's grip on your shoulder tightens and he steps forward slightly, his body language now more defensive as his eyes narrow down and center on Chris.
“Yeah well I haven't kicked your ass in a while, have I?” Your brother growls at him, his expression hostile.
Chris simply chuckles at this, crossing his arms once more. “I'd absolutely love to see you try.” He says, his voice cool and slightly condescending, almost coming out as complete bitchy and rude.
“If you don’t have an emergency, I advise you go away and don’t turn around.” you interrupt their small banter, nate nodding his head in agreement at your statement.
Chris's smirk fades a bit at your words, his cocky demeanor faltering slightly. He studies your face for a moment before sighing softly and speaking up.
“Come on, I just wanna talk to you. Please, just hear me out.” He says, his voice taking on a pleading edge. He glances over at your older brother looking behind you with a soft glare. “Alone, ideally.”
Turning around to face Nate, placing your hand over his own on your shoulder, your eyes talking for you without you even realizing it but you voice those words anyways.
“Nate, can you excuse us for a moment?..”
Nate, looks at you for a moment with a cautious expression. He doesn’t want to leave you alone with Chris, but he can see you want to hear what he has to say.
“..Fine, just don’t take too long,” he huffed with a stern expression on his face before glancing back at Chris with a soft glare.
“Don’t even dare trying something now.”
Chris rolls his eyes unbothered whatsoever by your brother’s threat as he turned his back to the both of you and walked off into the depths of the hallway and back into the living room.
You step out of the doorframe and onto the patio, closing the front door behind yourself before leaning your back on it and crossing your arms over your chest, impatiently awaiting Chris to speak up on whatever important he has to discuss with you.
Even if it is actually important, which you doubt greatly.
Chris watches as your brother leaves the room before turning his gaze back to you. He stands there for a moment, just studying you, his eyes roaming over your face and body.
After a moment of silence, he finally speaks.
“You look good.." He says, his voice soft and sincere. He takes a step closer, his body only a few inches away from yours now.
“Chris, just get to the point on why you’re here.” you shoot back harshly, your tone not sounding pleasant in any kind of way, at this point you’ve learned to not fall for any of tricks to attempt to win you back, knowing well by this time the chances of such happening being down to minimal as of almost impossible now.
His expression falters a bit at your harsh tone, but he doesn't back off. He continues to stay close to you, his presence looming over you.
He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, as if composing himself. He then opens them again and meets your gaze.
“Alright, alright.. chill out, I was getting there.” he slightly backs up away from you, gesturing with his arms for you to calm down as he gets to the point of his sudden appearance.
“How the fuck am I supposed to be calm when my ex randomly shows up at my doorstep?” you question but don’t expect an answer as you knew he would already know or come to the conclusion himself.
Sighing deeply, you compose yourself before continuing.
“Now talk, why are you here?”
“I just wanted to have a talk about us.. and I know—“
Your own words cut him off before they could reach any further,
“There’s nothing to talk about here, and you know that, Chris” You state sharply, your expression remaining cold and unbothered by the act he’s putting on.
Attempting to once again guilt-trip you back into a relationship with him so he can continue to manipulate and use you to his own sick advantage again, and you are not having it, you see right through his little innocent act.
Chris’s expression is now visibly more frustrated, his eyes narrowing as you visibly shut down his tactics. He steps a bit closer, his body now pressed against yours, and his eyes locked with yours.
“Why are you being so stubborn? You used to love it when we were together. You loved me.” He says, his voice now taking an accusatory tone.
“Well that’s not up to date anymore, just accept the fact we are done.” you coldly admit the hard truth he seemed to not comprehend at all, you wish you wouldn’t have to repeat it over and over again to somehow solidify it inside of his mind.
His expression hardens even more as his gaze narrows at your words, his jaw clenched tight. He is clearly irritated that you aren’t falling for his manipulation tactics.
He presses himself even more against you, his body now almost pinning you against the door.
“Please.. just give me one more chance..” He says, his voice suddenly taking on a desperate edge. His hand reaches up to rest on your arm which you immediately slap away as soon as it reaches your arm.
You don’t have much mobility in your position, not being able to move backwards considering the door you’re leaning against, but you softly push him back slightly to let the distance between the both of you grown to a greater sum.
Chris steps back as you push him away, his expression now even more sour. He clearly doesn't like that you're keeping your distance from him.
He runs a hand through his hair in frustration, his eyes locked on your face.
“Why won’t you just listen to me? Don't you get it yet? You're supposed to be mine. Nobody wants you more than me... nobody understands you, like I do..” He says, his tone suddenly taking on a possessive edge.
“Stop with the bullshit already, i’m not falling for your stupid little tactics anymore” you roll your eyes, feeling yourself grow more annoyed and cold towards him as all of the care you had within yourself for him went straight out of the window after what he did and put you through all of those years of your supposed ‘relationship’
Andrew is beyond frustrated now, growing more irritated with each word you speak. He steps back up to you, his body even closer now.
“They’re not bullshit, they’re the truth! And you know it!” He snaps at you, his voice rising. His hand reaches up to grab your chin, forcing you to look straight at him.
He leans in close, his face only inches from yours, his eyes staring intensely into yours.
“You're mine. You’ve always been mine.” He insists.
“Chris, get your fucking hands off me before I call Nate over.”
Chris's grip on your chin loosens slightly as he hears your warning and your brother's name. He knows your brother doesn't like him at all and would probably be happy to kick his ass.
He lets out a frustrated sigh and lets go of your chin but keeps his face only inches away from yours.
“You really gonna run to your brother instead of dealing with this yourself?” He says, his tone slightly mocking.
“I’ve dealt with you enough already, give me a damn break..” you scoff, glancing around the surroundings behind chris to avoid looking at him directly, at this point you were getting quite tired of him just trying to turn this whole situation he started around to make it seem and guilt you into taking the fault for it all.
While you distract yourself with your surroundings, his gaze narrows at your words and he steps back, his expression clearly pissed off.
He takes a deep breath to calm himself down before speaking.
“So that’s it, huh? You’re just giving up on me? Throwing me away like garbage?” He says, his voice taking on an edge of bitter anger.
Sighing in annoyance and exhaustion from his repeating questions, you hesitantly place your attention back onto him, noticing his bitter angry expression but not exactly caring much for it or any of the meaningless words that leave his mouth.
You know anything he says doesn’t mean shit.
“Don’t try to turn this like it’s all my fault, what about what you did to me? forgot already?” you mock, narrowing your eyes on him as you slightly lean closer to him so he can hear you better, as a soft small smirk grows on your face with the following words:
“Or were you too busy fucking my sister to rethink your actions?”
His face immediately hardens at your harsh words and his body tenses up. He stares at you with a look of disgust mixed with anger.
He takes a step closer to you, his eyes narrowing even more.
“Don’t you fucking dare bring her into this.. it’s your battle to fight, not hers.” He growls, his body now just inches from yours once more, leaning over you.
You run a lazy hand down your face, seeming to not believe what the actual fuck his mouth is splitting out in this moment, taking a deep breath to attempt at composing yourself and calming your nerves that were going berserk.
"If you ever want me to stop bringing that up, then get yourself – and those disgusting, perverted fantasies you probably make up in that sick head of yours about her whenever you see me – the fuck away from me," you spat out sternly, each word laced with venom. Your eyes narrowed, a look of pure disgust twisting your features.
Clenching his jaw at your harsh words, his body tensing up even more. He looks like he’s about to snap at any moment.
He grabs both your wrists and slams you against the door. He’s glaring down at you with pure anger in his eyes.
“I never had those kind of fantasies for your sister. That’s something disgusting. The hell is wrong with you..?” He snaps at you.
Your patience snapped. "Oh, I'm the one something's wrong with?" you shot back, the words laced with pent-up frustration. You weren't going to let his turn his disgusted gaze on you without pointing out his own imperfections.
"Let's talk about your perfect world for a second. What about the countless times you've asked, no, practically told me, to do my hair exactly like she always does hers?"
You stated the truth, the simple and known fact that her hairstyle wasn't just a choice, it was a signature of her. Practically everyone around her knew that look, she literally couldn't go a day with a different style, and the rare instances she did were marked as genuinely special occasions, events significant enough to warrant breaking the rule of her precisely styled hair.
Chris's face contorts into a mix of anger and embarrassment at your words.
He seems caught off guard, flustered and embarrassed that you would bring something like that up. He glances away, his face turning flush pink.
"I.. that's.. that was just a joke, alright?" He manages to sputter out, desperately trying to play it off as a stupid joke instead of the truth, but you knew that he was just too embarrassed to admit his actual true intentions he had with that fact.
You chuckle at his words, it was quite funny how quickly the situation turned against him with just one simple fact he forgot to take into notice, one small slip up managed to led to his realization that he doesn't possess the same amount of control he did back then, making you feel satisfied with the progress you've made and quite the lack of progress he's made as he allowed such minor slip up to accure.
Your hands clenched into fists at your sides, your body filled with undeniable certainty "Answer this," you spat, the word clipped and sharp.
"Was it because then I reminded you of her, hm? I already know the damn truth, so shove the bullshit lies up your fucking ass now."
Chris's cheeks suddenly flush at your words, his expression hardening slightly. He's clearly uncomfortable, but he tries to hide it.
"No.. you got it all wrong-" He tries to find the right words, to try and explain it, but nothing that would make him look good comes to mind.
He shuts his eyes, sighing.
" ..fine. Yeah, you reminded me of her. Happy now?" His voice now takes on an annoyed edge, almost accepting defeat but a small amount of force was still pushing him to continue on with the conversation.
"Not quite satisfied, at least you can accept and admit to one of the pathetic truths in this regard." you said it with an almost flat tone, your eyes holding his for just a fraction of a second longer than necessary before slowly, deliberately looking away and down at your fingernails with no interest whatsoever.
Your lips curved just slightly, a faint, unimpressed smile that held no warmth, only a cool, detached amusement.
"And you're one to talk? Acting all high and mighty like you're so much better than me, at least I'm honest with who I am. You're just being a heartless bitch" He snaps at you, his tone now venomous.
So now he's resorting to insulting you because he seems to be out of excuses? just like always, completely pathetic and hopeless tactics to manipulate me once again, not gonna work this time Christopher.
"Oh honey I'm just being honest here, not my fault you're gettin' all sensitive and defensive."
"I'm not sensitive about anything!" Chris snaps at you, his voice rising. He's clearly becoming more and more pissed off.
He decides to take the risk and steps even closer to you, his body now pressed right up against yours and invading your personal space, pinning you against the cold front door.
"You think you know everything, don't you? You think you're so superior.. but you're just as fucked up as me, you just hide it better..!“
"Oh don't put me on the same level as you now, I'm not even close to stepping down to the same level as you." you scoff, almost out of disbelief that he could possibly compare you to him and put you two on the same level, crossing your arms over your chest you dissmisively roll your eyes at his words.
His laugh rings out, sharp and sudden, cutting through the tense air. It's not a sound of genuine amusement, but a harsh, grating noise that immediately puts you on edge. He leans back slightly, clearly relishing the effect he knows he's having, his eyes glinting with malicious anticipation.
"Oh, please," he purrs, dragging out the word with exaggerated disdain. His voice drops, dripping with a mix of a condescending, almost sneering tone.
"You act all high and mighty, standing there on your little pedestal, pretending you're above it all." He pauses, letting the insult land, watching your reaction intently.
"But let's be honest here." He leans forward slightly, his grin widening. "You're just as fucked up as me, deep down." His voice lowers , dripping with mock sympathy.
"We're more alike than you think, whether you want to admit it or not." He holds your gaze, challenging you to deny his words, his twisted smile daring you to prove him wrong.
You roll your eyes and shake your head, the soft cold breeze caughing up to you as you start to feel it more intensively on your skin while goosebumps grew, your back relaxing against the door as if to bring back some of the warmth you've lost.
“And so what? that doesn't prove shit and I'm still not on the same level as you, no matter what you shoot at me, you can't prove this."
Andrew's laughter was a low, unsettling sound, a dark chuckle that held an edge of chilling amusement as his gaze met yours.
"Oh, you like that feeling of confidence, don't you?" he drawled, a dismissive wave of his hand accompanying his words.
"Putting on a show of being so... normal. As if that makes you somehow superior." A sharp scoff escaped him. He leaned in, his face invading your personal space, his eyes boring into yours with quite the intensity.
"But you and I," he murmured, the sound barely a breath, "we both know how far from 'normal' you truly are."
“It’s because you made me this way, and you know that” you state in an accusing tone, though deep down you knew it wasn’t always his fault for your impulsive actions, but he surely did give the significant push.
And knowing the crazy adventures alongside some illegal activity, you’re quite surprised he didn’t weed you out to the police yet but at the same time you’re not, he took a large participation in them as well so he would be digging a grave for yourself and himself at the same time.
Chris visibly tightens, a sharp flinch pulling his shoulders inward as your words strike him. In that brief, raw moment, he knows you're right; he is partially to blame for the way things are, the damage you've suffered.
The flicker of vulnerability vanishes, replaced instantly by the familiar, hardened mask of arrogance. His jaw sets, eyes turning cold and dismissive.
"Don't pin that on me," he mutters, his voice rough and low, laced with mocking disbelief. " You were already fucked up before I even met you.”
You relaxed against the front door, a tired, almost sarcastic smile playing on your lips for a moment before dissapearing. Considering the small distance between you two, you only had to slightly lean forward to get a closer look at his face.
Gesturing with one hand, a dismissive flick towards yourself and your surroundings. Your voice came out flat, cutting through the awkward silence.
"Oh, please. Don't be stupid. I sure as hell wasn't this fucked up in the first place." The emphasis on 'this' was sharp, like breaking glass.
He closes the remaining distance between you, his presence sudden and overwhelming, his body almost flush against yours.
The air between you grows thick with tension and unspoken words. His hand rises up to once again cup your chin with possessiveness, his thumb resting just below your lip as he makes you meet his gaze.
His eyes lock onto yours. Any signs of casualness, replaced by a more intense and focused look, something almost hungry and primal hiding within his gaze.
He holds you in that position for a small while before a low murmur leaves his lips, the sound a soft current against your skin.
"You're so ready to call me all used up," he breathes, his voice a low rumble, "But let’s not pretend you don’t remember all of the fun times we had together..."
"Your manipulation skills got quite ass, didn't have your favorite test subject to practice on anymore, hm?" you chuckle, glaring at him and not letting any of his actions nor words affect you in any way but finding yourself not pulling away from his grasp.
He smirks, a slow, knowing kind of smirk that crawls across his face and makes your stomach clench despite your best efforts.
"Oh, I wouldn't say 'ass,' sweetheart. More... refined. You always did bring out the best in me, remember? And besides," he says, his voice dropping, becoming a low rumble that vibrates against your skin.
"I haven't been completely without a test subject now. Just, none as good as you." His hand tightens around your chin, a possessive grip that feels both familiar and deeply unsettling.
"And the fact you're still here, letting me hold you like this.. that tells me I haven't lost my touch, now has it? Maybe you missed me more than you want to admit."
Letting his words sink in, you quickly come back to your senses and immediately push him off you, bashing yourself inside of your head as you managed to let him get this close to you, let alone touch you in such an intimate way as well.
You place your palms flat against his chest and push him off, putting much more needed distance between your bodies as he stumbles back by the sudden impact of your hands, his face twisting with confusion and a bittersweet feeling.
He glances at you and immediately goes to speak and ask questions, though deepdown he knew what the cause of your sudden outburst is.
"What's going on, sweetheart?-"
"Chris, seriously you need to let go of me, of this whole stupid relationship. It's not doing any good to us.." you cut him off as your tone and words grow more serious and intense as the moment progressed.
You turn your back to him and grab ahold of the door handle, twisting the handle you open the door and enter through the crack made, halfway through you turn your head to look at him one last time, his pleading eyes giving you all of the confidence you needed to speak now.
"Don't show up at my doorstep again, I will not hesitate to file a restraining order or move out with my brother, where you won't find me so easily now."
And with the last words said, they hung thick in the air as you shut the door behind yourself, then sound of the harsh rain returning as you left Chris on your doorstep, all alone with the cold rain starting to catch up to him, after a small while he turns around and walks off your patio and dissapearing, you haven't spoken nor seen him ever since that moment.
𓂃˖ ࣪⊹🩷 . yappin claudia : havent wrote anything in awhile so this might be pretty ass, creds to whoever created toxic!ex!chris (if some1 has already) !!
i love tumblr.. like u could be reading a smut fanfic and you go to the comments and a girl be saying “ someone do this to me” or “ smb fuck me like that” and a girl replies saying “ ofc mama” or “ i’m otw!” like we all are so comfortable and freaky w each other and we don’t really know each other?😭 i love y’all fr, no judgement here bc we are all quite literally the same?😭
he’s a sad man with a great story, he is a cool guy. but not who u think… he will destroy ur penis in seconds…… he is known for the last few penis murders.. you may know the following names…. sarah… james…. and the one and most brutal…. thomas… he is not just a penis murderer but a man. who has a wife and kids! he secretly fantasises about how it would feel to just live a normal life… but he can’t.. the voice is telling him he’s not aloud…
thank yeuw smm :DD !! it litch makes super happy to know sum1 likes itt, was debating on just keeping the old theme cuz i couldn’t figure out how i wanted this one to look like loll
