i feel like it's hard for me to openly label myself as "alternative" even though I think I "qualify" in some aspects and would like to label myself as such.
i feel like it's because I have so often been gatekept and shamed about things I like. like, any time I have shared my music interests with someone else who was "alternative", they have been like "those aren't real bands. I listen to (insert bands here that I dont really care for)."
i have friends who are emo/goth and some of them have made a point to be like "well I am the most emo person here" when we've hung out. and it's like. I feel like I took it personally and it further solidified in my brain that I don't get to call myself alternative/emo/whatever bc this person declared themselves that. and I always felt like they viewed me as "basic". and I feel like... all of that is more on them and how THEY feel, and they're not the CEO of emo or whatever, so their opinions don't get to dictate how I label myself.
i also need to be like, well. we don't live in outfit world. it's okay that I don't dress the perfect Pinterest result of "alternative outfits" or whatever. alternative is an umbrella label anyways, it just means "not the norm". and I don't subscribe to any particular sublabel of it to begin with because I feel like I am more interested in curating my own style than subscribing to a set of rules I have to follow in order to be considered like, "emo", for example.
and I feel like my desired style varies anyways. I like colors, I don't want to dress in all black. I like a lot of styling that could be considered "grunge", and I like the focus on thrifting and DIY and anti-consumerism that grunge has. but I don't want to label myself as that either bc it feels very tied to the time period the grunge movement started, and I also don't really listen to a lot of grunge music.
i also don't leave the house much and i'm autistic. I have a lot of sensory issues. I highly value comfort in clothing (especially bc of aforementioned not leaving the house), and I struggle to wear things that aren't The Same Outfit Every Day bc of the way I am. and a lot of "comfy clothing" isn't usually seen as "alternative" to most people. BUT WE DON'T LIVE IN OUTFIT WORLD!!!! IT'S FINE!!! i'm really particular about the way clothes feel and fit on me too, so it's pretty difficult to find clothes that don't make me feel bad and uncomfortable when wearing them.
i think also my moral value of not buying things from places like Amazon or shein really also slows my process of collecting clothes I think are Cool, too. at least in comparison to people I might see on the internet that are just fine with buying a bunch of "alt" clothes in those kinds of places. so I shouldn't compare myself to people online like that either. lol
idk, all of this to say. I'd like to say I am alternative, but I am scared to label myself as such because I feel like others think that I don't qualify. but it's important to live for yourself and not for others' validation, and following your own interests and passions and Being Yourself will always be more counterculture than filling out checkboxes of what counts as xyz to other people.
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