As someone who has struggled my whole life with suicidal ideation, I truly appreciate Ace as a character. It is so blatantly obvious how self destructive he is and how recklessly he throws himself into danger, and yes other characters do this too, but Ace does this because of his inherent belief that he should not exist, and therefore has no purpose or value. Ace moves through life in a way that seems like he wants to find a reason to die, for example, as a rookie deciding to challenge an Emperor, like, come on. From one of his first appearances in Alabasta, I am recalling that scene where a vendor is offering him the apple to live forever or whatever and he says that just living today is enough, because Ace doesn’t see a future for himself and is unable to accept himself and, by extension, love others have for him. He recklessly chases after Teach, because of his need to be useful for his new family that he is so grateful for, he doesn’t even realize that they love him just as much as he does them. By fighting Teach against Whitebeard’s advice he is essentially finding a cause to justify throwing his life away. When Garp visits him in impel down, he does not ask for pity or sympathy, because he truly thinks he deserves this because of an ingrained belief he has held since childhood. I have complex feelings toward Garp because I feel that if Garp had told Ace as a child that, yes, you did deserve to be born, things could have been much different, but his first fatherly figure failed him so early in life. When I see people say that Garp would’ve saved Ace had he asked, it makes me so upset because, Ace would never ask, it’s completely out of character for him. His realization in Marineford that he wants to live is so tragic, because he has been loved this whole time, yet could not believe it, could not fathom that he was worthy of this love. He lived to protect Luffy growing up and now that Luffy has a crew, he doesn’t need Ace anymore, so it’s so shocking and heartbreaking for him that Luffy would endanger himself to come to Marineford. Ace is such a beautifully written character and the way his depression and suicidal tendencies are expressed is a very real representation in such an eccentric, fantasy world. I relate to him so deeply, as someone who has always struggled internally with where my place is in this world and my purpose here, and also as an older sibling. Yes, I also think he’s super hot lmao, but it’s more than that bc I can not be normal about him ever. But that’s my 4 AM word vomit lol I just love him so much. If some of this doesn’t make sense…… I’m sleep deprived and mentally ill :P
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